The Forum has taken over from the Blog so follow the link 

https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/whydomencrossdress/forum

and come start chatting.

There are T girls and Wives debating Crossdressing, acceptance, and a whole raft of topics.

I may blog more in the future but for now the Forum has definately taken over and even helped my wife progress her acceptance so wee you there?

Davina

It’s hard when communication around Crossdressing hits the dirt and you may feel that it feels like neither of you wants to bring the subject up again but it then becomes the Elephant in the room and can lead to resentment by the both of you around the subject or the wife may feel ignore it and it will go away with the husband feeling deep guilt every time he gets the urge and may dress and enjoy it less feeling guilty or not dress adding to and sucking up the stress instead of releasing it in this strange hobby.

It is far easier to chat with others, far easier than chatting to your husband or BF but you can only resolve your issues by talking open and honestly with one another even if you have to tell eachother the ugly truth (That’s a good film I recommend by the way “The Ugly Truth” very funny)
Communication open and honest is key and just take a big gulp of air and say “Can we discuss Crossdressing” you’ll either get a yes or a not right now… the not right now does knock the wind out of us as it’s hard to bring it up madeningly stupidly hard but it’s no good bottling things up.

“Crossdressers find it difficult to understand why a wife could accept a friend as a crossdresser but not their husband” as My wifes said this to me, she’d be ok if it was a friend of ours who was a crossdresser but it’s hard to accept me as a T-Girl / Crossdresser as she said when I told her “It’s just not you… it’s not something You’d ever do” … but it is and I do do it.

I don’t try to make up for being a Crossdresser as I am a great father and a loyal hard working husband and always put my family first in between work getting in the way and Cossdressing is just something I occasionally do.

I control the urge to Crossdress sometimes not doing it for some reason or another.

If you were to make a list of the worse things that a husband could do and rank them where would Crossdressing fall in that list?

Katie makes a good point in the chat help and debate page “Is the love for a husband conditional?”

I  would like my wife to dress up a little more, to see her in dresses, tights (stockings ohhh) and high heels but I’m not about to leave because she won't.

Interestingly Emma did a positive thing for both herself and her husband as in the previous blog and as her confidence grew so did her acceptance.

Maybe her secret is that she boosted her own self-esteem at the same time as taking on the realisation that her husband crossdressed plus being able to chat here and seek others advice and outlook.

If Emmas increased self-esteem is linked to accepting crossdressing then that is a positive connection and where we find our Emmas and wives like mine our job is to ensure we give plenty of male attention and also to definatley keep her feeling like a sexy, desirable and beautiful woman!

I’ll pinch Katies parable “If we look for positive connections then these will grow and strengthen overtime but if we look for negatives then the same will happen…. The power of positive thinking is immense”

The curiosity with Crossdressing between husband and wives or Bfs and Gfs of how much we really understand the feelings of the other side is all down to open and honest communication be it verbally or written down.

I cannot begin to TRULY understand how a wife or my wife might feel about my crossdressing, without being clouded with insecurities, guilt and bias if a wife / my wife won’t tell me TRULY how she feels and wives and Gfs can never truly understand the crossdressing need, without being clouded with 'why should I'?

My wifes been through the why should I have anything to do with your crossdressing... the I want nothing to do with it... I don't want to know if you've dressed so please leave no evidence you've done it...

Bringing me back to us Alpha males not being able to understand why our wives / Gfs stop making so much of an effort to look their best (as we’ve explored before).

We just don’t understand why wives and Gfs all of a sudden stop wearing makeup, heels, dresses, tights / stockings etc.

Emma who contributes here went through this stage and had some form of epiphany and started wearing makeup, dresses and heels etc feeling good about herself and gaining compliments from work colegues and friends about her image change.

The secret? Feeling good about herself first and foremost and is a good example but she also embraced her husbands crossdressing and accepted it so Karma can be achieved with Crossdressing.

Maybe there is a connection between self confidence and being happy with your self image and accepting crossdressing?

Back to the curiosity of what eachother really thinks and having chatted to Emma I know she had lots of long chats open and honest with her husband and maybe that is the key to acceptance and to finding out what eachother really thinks and feels?
 

When I got married :

A) Crossdressing in my mind wasn’t a factor as I’d more or less stopped dressing

B) I didn’t think Crossdressing would ever be a problem or factor until it escalated due to stress and

C) How do we know how women will react to us as Crossdressers?

Should we turn them aside and avoid marrying someone we love by not marrying women who accept us as Crossdressers – We’re not inflicted with some disease, we just like to dress up and it’s so occasional and has no negative bearing on a relationship.

Statistically, crossdressing is probably rare?

Who knows really how many men crossdress – no one would guess I do it so if I do it I’d say a % of men who crossdress may be bigger than we imagine

A woman may not have any trouble finding a husband who doesn't crossdress but maybe the guy you marry has other habbits or kinks….

I think and its easy for me to say but wives and Gfs need to get rid of any lingering resentment maybe if you have to even ignore his crossdressing and yes I suppose most men don’t do it as far as we’re aware but as above they may do other things for stress release and fun which would get on your nerves but I wouldn’t say you’d drawn the short straw in marrying a Crossdresser  as there are probably things your husband or BF does which are benefits you don’t even realise because of his crossdressing.

He needs to dress.
He can't help it.
It's harmless.
It’s fun
It makes him happy.
He'll be stressed if he doesn't,
He's still a man under the clothes.

The gut response to these answers from a wife may be being 'why should I accommodate or understand his crossdressing?' Is fair enough you don’t have to understand it or accommodate it just be ok that the above points are harmless… it’s only dressing up a bit of escapism you may never understand it and guess what.. He may never understand it either.

Because to say something is Sexist!! (???? go figure)

So we put up with it oh and we sulk …. and crossdress to compensate.

The answer is it’s entirely up to her to accept it or not but she cannot stop it but maybe can control it, make it so she doesn’t see his crossdressing or that he has to dress away from home in a hotel or when she’s not there etc but to the crossdresser this is a kick in the teeth after gaining enough courage to admit that he is a crossdresser and can lead to a bit of resentment but the crossdresser also has to realise this is not a normal behaviour (frustratingly wish it was accepted).

Its funny to see a wife on here stating “She doesn’t truly understand why she doesn’t like Crossdressing” as you usually know why you do or don’t like something and sometimes you can get to or learn to accept and like something or at least tolerate something which is what I believe most wives do.

If my wife didn’t know why she didn’t like me crossdressing it would drive me to talk to her about it more to put her mind at ease which is how I’ve handled crossdressing with my wife over the years and probably still do, the want and need to reassure and ensure she’s not worried about me Crossdressing.

I understand or think I understand why many women have a problem with crossdressing:
- Its not the social norm
- Women are brought up and informed that men shouldn’t crossdress.
- Women may think its perverted
- Women may worry about their husbands sexuality and sanity.
- Women may feel its a threat to their femininity.
- Women are worried that other people will find out and judge them and their husbands.
-Women may worry you want a sex change
-Women worry how this will affect their relationship and how they view their husbands
- Women feel a sense of betrayal and being lied to
- Women feel that they needed an option of knowing before they got married
- Women don’t even know or think that Heterosexual Crossdressing occurs which is why it becomes such a shock.
- Women just don't get why or how it feels to have such a need or Urge to put on makeup, wear a dress, nice lingerie, hosiery and high heels.

- Crossdressers don’t get why women wouldn’t put on makeup, sexy lingerie, stockings or tights and high heels and a nice dress and some of us use Crossdressing as substitution for something we feel we are missing out on with our better halves.

What did crossdressing boys and men expected and hope for?

I didn’t think about it as a younger man just enjoyed crossdressing never thought of involving anyone else or a girlfriend or wife needing to know back then, it just felt nice to wear silky lacy lingerie and it was a massive turn on.

Did we grow up believing most women liked crossdressers and never knew it would be an issue?

Again this never ever crossed my mind when I was younger Crossdressing, although I knew it would be frowned upon so hid it bearing in mind it was my Mums lingerie etc I was trying on. (sounds aweful now).

I just never put 2 and 2 together and thought much about what would happen with crossdressing into the future as I got older, met a Girlfriend and got married apart from back then part of my reason to dress was I didn’t have a Girlfriend and it was a bit of a sexy kink wearing things I wanted a girlfriend to wear to a proven point when I met my first real girlfriend who is now my wife my crossdressing stopped and only started again due to some stressful issues and part of my dressing again now is this compensation where my wife only rarely wears tights, stockings heels etc so in steps Davina in to 4 inch high heels to compensate lol.

Did we always know it would one day cause  us problems with women?

I had no idea I’d still be crossdressing at 30-40 and dressing fully as a woman with makeup and a wig trying to look convincing so never gave it a thought that crossdressing may cause problems with women or my wife for that matter.

We had a night out this weekend and was nice to be with friends having a drink.

I couldn’t help but look at some of the women jellously thinking wow look at her makeup, or her high heels or wow I’d love to wear a dress like that it would suit me … Nuts to think I’m in a room with friends looking at some of the women thinking about crossdressing and I wondered to myself “How many other of my friends are looking at the blonde with the nice legs thinking a) Wow she looks amazing and b) I love the dress and the heels and how she’d done her eye makeup..

We were out for mothers day this afternoon and I noticed my nieces eye make up and thought that looks cool I wonder if I could replicate that the next time I dress up lol Mad isn’t it!

I’m away with work this week so maybe I’ll get a chance to dress in the hotel room and experiment with eye makeup as its so cool how getting makeup right makes a hell of a different how convincing you may look or not which is pleasing when you get it right.

Need a girls night in and experiment withmakeup with the wife.. need to find out how and when we can do it.

I've decided to call the Guestbook / Chat room the Chat, Debate and Help room and I'm very comfortable leaving this un-edited and safe in the hands of the people contributing - there are some fab readers on here asking some great questions and sparking healthy debate, some sucess stories , some struggles, and I hope the debate keeps it real and controlled.. Join in the chatter

Thanks

Davina

Can you believe I’m home with the kids whilst my wife her mum and her sister have gone to watch a sexually explicit BDSM films based on some very poorly written books which have made the author a millionairess?

50 shades darker which at some time I will probably force myself to watch to see what all the fuss is about.

So far reviews I’ve read say it’s not as good as the first film which doesn’t say much as I thought the first film was very tame and the acting was very wooden.

I tried to read the books but got bored not seeing what the fuss was about but I guess the media jumped on it and made her famous and a millionairess as fortune smiles on the brave I suppose.

But come on sexually explicit film my wife sat between her mother and sister in a cinema exclusively filled with women drooling over Mr Grey I mean can you imagine me and my Dad sat in a cinema watching some film including mild porn or whatever this is considered to be?

For one women would say we’re perves and for two I wouldn’t watch a film like that with my Dad lol I wonder what my wife is thinking sat by her mum during the sex scenes embarrassed I expect.

It’s the one rule for them one rule for us men I don’t like and I know we’re welcome to go see the film with our wives but we’d be in the minority and I also know some women would look down on a man being in their film..

So considering the embarasment she must feel watching 50 shades with her mum would she go to the Rocky Horror show with me as Davina probably not lol would I do that? Miles from home who knows lol What the hell would I wear anyway?

A chance to get baby sitters and go out so out we go only local and met an acquaintance in the pub chatting all evening until they left to go home.

Then found myself and the wife discussing some girls we knew in the pub (people watching) and my wife commented the one girl we know is pretty but the way she’s dressed isn’t really pub like more business like and that she was dressed and looked a bit like Caitlyn Jenner (our people watching is harsh sometimes), then I pointed out that the other girl we knew who was with her had a nice black dress on maybe a tad too short showing a bit of leg but that she had what looked like an adams apple..

This then led to me saying look at me I don’t really have an adams apple, I have long girly eyelashes, long slim legs despite years of sport and my nipples are really sensitive lol so maybe that’s why I crossdress to an extent (many reasons why I crossdress).

Anyway it got us onto a chat about crossdressing after a few wines and beers in a pub sat there surrounded by people some of whom we knew and my wife was like schhuch not so loud lol and she said you don’t care do you and I said no not really I’m a big boy I really wouldn’t care if anyone found out but don’t want them to find out as it would be awkward for her and the kids and people would assume things (pervert, gay blah blah blah) about me and also scrutinise my wife.

Our chat continued in the pub about my crossdressing, we walked to the busstop and it carried on then we got home and it carried on… the most we’ve chatted about crossdressing for years.

I mentioned the guys I chat to on TVChix, how like me they’re straight and married etc and that they’d asked if I’d meet for a beer and she said ok that sounds ok so then I asked if she’d come too and she said Ok so that’s a plan and I mentioned and asked her to come as I want it open I don’t want to be sneaky or anything.

So then I said would you go out with me dressed up and she said no, so I said well what would you think if I wanted to go out dressed as I’m kinda bored dressing in the house and in a hotel room and she said if that’s what you want to do then do it but miles from home where no one will ever know you and I don’t need to know about it.. I don’t like the sound of the latter so I said I’d prefer you knew as want to be honest and open and she said ok then tell me when you’ve been out dressed and it still doesn’t seem right so I said id rather tell you if I’m going to go out and if I do it then say I’ve done it but would still rather her there and she said ok tell me if you are planning on it and then if you did it but miles away from home.

This was after beer and wine so I guess now we need to discuss this sober.

I asked her fears about me dressing and thanked her for her acceptance and apologised for again moving the goal posts and she said what do you mean so I said well we’ve come from you not wanting to know I dress and nothing to do with it as far as you meeting me dressed, girls nights in and seeing me dressed when I work from home and being ok me dressing away from home in a hotel and now I’m saying I want to go out dressed or at least think I’d like to experience it at least once to an extent maybe at some trans friendly event not in muggle world .

She said don’t worry about it (remember she’s had wine) so I asked again if she’d come out with me dressed and I notice one of the wives has mentioned Blackpool and a Trans friendly hotel called Scarletts and also suggested my wife gets a wig to change her appearance slightly so all food for thought. I will google the place in Blackpool maybe go there for a weekend as man and wife and a night as Davina (Scary thought).

The local girls from Chix also think once my wife meets them she might be more comfortable if we did go to an event or if I went alone being with people we have met may put her mind at ease a little.

So back to her fears (note fears is also covered in the guestbook in an article added by Sindy one of the wives of a tgirl).

No1 is someone will recognise me and out me find out I dress

No2 That I would have sex as Davina with someone and I can see why she may still have this fear but it’s not gonna happen especially seeing the other girls I’m likely to be out with at some even we’d have met and are straight and I have no intention of doing anything sexual other than with her (Still a fantasy which I told her about again but she cant do it so a no go but still a nice fantasy)

So that’s where we are I guess we need to discuss it again some time sober or more sober than we were lol and maybe in March some time go for a drink with the girls from chix as blokes and see what we’re all about in person.

I shall keep you posted on this.

Chatting on TVChix you get some good rapport and laughs with some of the other t-girls and some Rgs.

There are a few really fab Rgs / wives / girlfriends who I chat to on TVChix who I wont name here but hope in the future they will help add some thoughts in the guestbook.. Im thinking of changing the guestbook / chat to something else like “Open Forum” as it’s become a good place to put ideas, thoughts, queries and questions etc and get the outlook of Wives, Girlfriends and other T girls of all places on the trans spectrum.

I really enjoy the wives and girlfriends perspective and expectations which sometimes surprise me.

One lady I chat to has no connection to a crossdressing husband just a curiosity around crossdressing and enjoys the company and crossdressing scene she’s fab and has a great outlook on life. She’s visiting Cardiff in April and has asked if me and my wife would meet her and her non crossdressing husband for a drink (I’d have to go as male me as I wouldn’t go out locally as Davina)

Other T-girls I chat to range from some nice localish T-Girls who are a lot like myself married and straight to T girls all over the UK and abroad but all have a similar urge to crossdress to unwind and escape.

A few of the more local T girls have suggested meeting up for a drink in Cardiff as blokes just to say hi, have a pint and a chat and a bit of a mutual support meet which sounds good. I will talk to my wife about it see what she thinks as they have suggested she comes along too and sees we’re just normal blokes. Some have told their wives, some single and another who’s girlfriend knows may bring his girlfriend with him which is cool especially if my wife will come out so we will see how that goes.

So after a kick start to the year dressing twice in the first week of January no urge or opportunity despite working from home a few times I could have dressed but didnt.

End of January a team brief to deliver staying away from home so packed Davina for my stay in a tranny lodge and last minute put in another shorter blonde wig which another t girl gave to me when we met as explained in an earlier blog when she gave me some DD tits lol.

So left one work depot and drove to the hotel as believe it or not the wifi in the tranny lodge is better than the ofice.

I got there for 1500 right at the time when I can book in and by 1530 I was dressed and made up and working away on my laptop which I did for a few hours until around 1700.

I then chatted on TVChix in the girls only room where there’s some nice chatter nothing explicit like some of the other rooms just normal everyday chatter about life in general and crossdressing of course when a tgirl I chat to from Cardiff came in and we were chatting away and I told her I was in a hotel dressed.

She then dared me to step out of the room into the corridor and taking the dare looking at myself in the mirror thinking in this new wig I look pretty ok shall I? who’s gonna notice? Odds on no one will be in the corridor anyway. I was dressed nice dress not too short and had on boots with a 2.5 inch heel only.

So I took a selfie first and put it on TVChix as my new profile pic and had some nice comments from the girls only crew stating I looked convincing and the shorter wig really suited me. Must show the wife that wig see what she thinks of it.

She dared me again so I thought sod it got up checked myself in the mirror went to the door looked thru the peephole then ear to the door no one about, opened it slightly peered out, stuck my head out  no one there with room key in hand just in case stepped out into the corridor just as some guy comes thru the door about 20m away to the corridor lol typical he looked straight at me smiled and went in his room 5 doors down as I went back into my room and I don’t believe he batted an eye lid.

My wife will call me stupid but its miles from home no one knows me and from 20 m away I probably looked like a reasonable attractive passable woman.

Quite pleased with myself my first step outside my hotel room haha the madness of it all but a curiosity how it would feel to be outside dressed is there somewhere although will I ever do it?

If I did do it I’d want my wife with me and it would be miles from home.

Maybe I’ll pluck up the courage to talk to her about it one day and see what she thinks.

So I’m back in work and hundreds of emails in my job pulled from pillar to post in so many directions I’ve listed all I have to do in terms of projects this year and I’m going to brief it to collegues and ask what they want from me as priorities as really have had enough already too many requests so I find myself at home reading emails responding and giving them advice and analysis etc and the urge hits me sod it I’m dressing and what a nice feeling to be Davina for the first time since out semi-girls night in wrapping presents before Christmas.

I hope we have a few more girls nights in in 2017 and a good sort out of Davinas wardrobe get the case down a sort out and try on session dressed and I expect the wife to claim a few dresses back or “borrow some”

So first week back and crossdressed twice in the week comparing that to only around 12 times in 2016 but felt nice first time 2nd time was just a taken opportunity for 2 hours and picking my daughter up form school she asked if I was wearing lipstick after I’d removed all trace idiot me used one of her lipsalves which I didn’t know was pink lol

A first since my wife knew and accepted my crossdressing no Christmas presents for Davina

Christmas is all about the kids and making sure they get what they want but this year we decided we didnt need anything but did a small stocking for one another but its surprising just putting a stocking together how much it adds upto.

Some makeup for her (should have got some for myself) and socks, knickers, that sort of thing nothing fancy or expensive but still cost a packet.

But nothing for Davina poor old Davina Me nor my wife bought her anything she’s the Cinderella of the house panto pun from last blog.

Nevermind I really do find it hard to justify spending money on the old tart … Davina that is not the wife lol
 

Panto

We take the kids to the panto just before Christmas every year

Theres always the panto dames, the ugly sisters etc and usually they are bloke type dames but this year one stood out a bit and I got the impression was enjoying it a bit too much.

The way he was dressed slightly more fem than the other blokey ugly sister and the way he walked in heels and the manerisms I thought ”Crossdresser”

Wonder if I was right or not.

Merry Christmas Eveyone have a fab time

Two links which try to explain crossdressing a lot of it applies some doesnt

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbbi5SVtCn0

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGCmuaZedcs

Enjoy

So It’s weird I hardly ever remember dreaming but my wife did suggest a few weeks back when I told her I’d not crossdressed in months that we have a night in wrapping presents with the kids staying out at baby sitters and we make it a girly night and I can crossdress for the evening.

Wow thats so cool of her to do this which will be the only girls night in we’d have had in 2016 I think and I have a day off tomorrow to get the house in order using up leave from work to tidy the house I must be mad.

So the plan pick kids up from work take them to grandparents then come home sort out presents ready to wrap and … dress? At around 16:00?

Hmm that would give me a few hours dressed but then the other night the wife said we could get a take away and you could drive as its awkward to park there so ok if I’m dressing it would be much later after 1800 in fact when take away is open… then I went to bed and drifted off to sleep and I had this dream..

I wake the next day, take kids from school tidy up the house hoover put clothes away its all a blur then picked up kids taken them to grandparents and have a quick bath and shave then makep and dressing plus wig im transformed and feeling very relaxed

My wife comes in from work and actually says “oh hello Davina I didn’t expect you so early you look nice” we get on with some wrapping she has a glass of wine then mentions the take away and says “you wont be able to drive in those high heels try my flat boots on” which I do then she says “Here put this coat and scarf on” and tidies up my hair before saying “its dark out no one will notice and you look fine no one would suspect you’re not a woman... come on I’ve ordered it”

So this surreal dream I’m crossdressed and fully made up wig coat boots and a scarf leaving the house out the front door and into my wifes car and I’m driving to the take away 8 miles or so away and were just chatting me feeling a bit insecure wondering if anyone would see us then parked outside the take away my wife in the take away looking out to me a big smile on her face as I’m in the car as Davina she comes back to the car taps me on the knee and we drive home then I woke up…. Yet another weird Crossdressing dream and so vivid that I remembered it after I woke up this morning….

Has anyone watched the movie Snowden? Or googled or youtubed Snowden?

Worth a watch traitor or patriotic you can decide.

Well anyway if you did you will know the N S A are reading or decryptnig or whatever the term this and classifying me as a Crossdresser and also that UK intelligence has been snooping on us for years even to the extent of turning on web cams on computers phone cams and even listening to our calls and also secretly activating mobile phones listening in and tracking people.. not just bad people but everyone and now the UK Snooping act has been signed off very soon they can do all this that they’ve not so secretly done for years lawfully and we just let them do it… hy do we just let them do it? Because they’ve brainwashed into us that surveillance of us is for our own good and safety.. hmmmm I wonder.

1984 the Orwellian state is upon us and this is no joke this is one of my more serious blogs

The UK government will probably have us all in some sort of database as Crossdressers and will have electronic automated opinion of us all logged and ready to use should we step out of line.

The world really is beginning to become a very scary and very secretive place or maybe it’s always be secretive but with the internet we get to hear more about it things which the mainstream media doesnt tell us but the internet unveils.

So I guess someone maybe looking at me via my camera right now has seen me on here as Davina so the cats out of the bag this mild mannered alpha male is a Crossdresser.

Labels and Descriptions

It’s worth looking at Labels and Descriptions and commenting on them to see where we might fit in.. Katie has asked a question in the Guestbook about Bisexuality in the Trans world so some labels.. What I’ve asked is … Is a T-girl whos attracted to other Tgirls flirtaciously bisexual or bicurious or will the below open up another label? We know it happens as does the physical side if it is more than a fantasy as Claire and Sarah have discussed in the Guestbook.. So here goes … Its something which worries Wives and Girlfriends so lets have a look..

Androgyny/ous – A gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity or a look usually when a women dresses quite masculine.

Androsexual/Androphilic – Attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity – Definately not me I’m not attratced to the male image at all what so ever!!

Asexual – (adj) having a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners. Lol sorry this was meant to be serious but do women when they get married and have kids turn Asexual ie go off sex lol.

Bigender – A person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender) = Is this what some T-girls are?

Bicurious – A curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning).- But this does not cover a T-Girls attraction to other T=Girls so is that something else not Bicuriosity?

Biological Sex – A medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female or male or intersex. Often referred to as simply “sex,” “physical sex,” “anatomical sex,” or specifically as “sex assigned [or designated] at birth.” - This may upset some people who believe they are born the wrong sex.

Bisexual – A person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to male/men and females/women.  But this doesn’t go into Tgirls attracted to other Tgirls if we talk image but of course some will say tgirls are men so it does cover this

Cisgender – A person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align (e.g., man and male-assigned). A simple way to think about it is if a person is not trans*, they are cisgender. Not sure where this came from it’s a newish one on me

Closeted – An individual who is not open to themselves or others about their sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet.

Coming Out – The process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). The process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.).

Cross-dresser – Someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex. - More to it than clothing unless I can no longer call myself a Crossdresser as I try to look like a woman including makeup and wig.

Drag King – Someone who performs masculinity theatrically.
Drag Queen – Someone who performs femininity theatrically.

I’ve seen Drag queens I wouldn’t say this is correct I would say its more taking the mik out of women theatrically with a gay undertone.. Drag queens are OTT in their interpretation of women and in their look.

Feminine Presenting; Masculine Presenting – A way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine or masculine way, for example in their hair style, demeanor, clothing choice, or style.

Feminine of Center; Masculine of Center – A word that indicates a range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for people who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more feminine/masculine way. Feminine of center individuals may also identify as femme, submissive, transfeminine, or more; masculine of center individuals may also often identity as butch, stud, aggressive or transmasculine,…. Another new one on me.

Femme – Someone who identifies themselves as feminine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. This is also used to express how a crossdresser may behave when crossdressed en femme…

Fluid(ity) – Generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight). T-girl with T-girl? Does it fit here?

FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F – Abbreviation for female-to-male transgender or transsexual person; abbreviation for male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.

Gay – A term used to describe individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender.
More commonly used when referring to males/men-identified ppl who are attracted to males/men-identified ppl, but can be applied to females/women-identified ppl as well.

Gender Binary – The idea that there are only two genders – male/female or man/woman and that a person must be strictly gendered as either/or. These people woulndt like trans people at all

Gender Expression – The external display of one’s gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally measured on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”….

Gender Fluid – Gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days. I always feel all man just nice to escape into Crossdressing briefly but wouldnt say I’m gender fluid.

Gender Identity – (noun) the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Common identity labels include man, woman, genderqueer, trans, and more.

Gender Non-Conforming (GNC) – Someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, does not align in a predicted fashion with gender-based expectations.

Gender Normative / Gender Straight – Someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.

Genderqueer – A gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid). Genderqueer people may think of themselves as one or more of the following, and they may define these terms differently:
1. may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender);
2. not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender);
3. moving between genders (genderfluid);
4. third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.
This ones complicated

Gender Variant– Someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender-queer, cross-dresser, etc.).

Gynesexual/Gynephilic – Attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity – Now heres something I identify with 100% and must have a strong link to my crossdressing…. This may also cover those Tgirls who flirt with other T girls – The image of femininity?

Heteronormativity – The assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities. Often included in this concept is a level of gender normativity and gender roles, the assumption that individuals should identify as men and women, and be masculine men and feminine women, and finally that men and women are a complimentary pair.
I suppose if you married a Heteronamal wife and told her you crossdressed you’d face a lot of nagativity as the above describes the societal norm?

Heterosexism – Behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, or makes other sexualities invisible

Heterosexual – A person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight. Me but link this to Gynesexual/Gynephilic

Homophobia – An umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have towards members of LGBT community.

I will admit to being Homophobic in the past but each to their own – what I dont like is someone ramming homosexuality down my throat… poor choice of saying there.. I mean I’m straight but I dont run around telling people “hey look at me im straight” but some Gay / homosexual people do do this and it gets on my nerves even Gay Pride which I dont understand.. I’m proud to be straight but that makes me sexist or homophobic to say that? I cant have a straight Pride parade can I?

Homosexual – A [medical] term used to describe a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This term is considered stigmatizing due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead).

Intersex – Someone whose combination of chromosomes, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals differs from the two expected patterns of male or female.  Formerly known as hermaphrodite but this term is considered outdated and derogatory.

Lesbian – A term used to describe women attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women. (I wonder if we could add Trans lesbian to cover myself as a Tgirl / Crossdresser who is  attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to women – Or would a Trans lesbian be attracted to other Trans lesbians?) OMG this is getting difficult.

LGBT / GSM / DSG / Initialisms used as shorthand or umbrella terms for all folks who have a non-normative gender or sexuality, there are many different initialisms people prefer. LGBTQ is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender; (I still dont get why trans is added to the end of what we’ve shown are sexualities) GSM is Gender and Sexual Minorities; DSG is Diverse Genders and Sexualities.

Lipstick Lesbian – Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight. And heres me thinging it had something to do with lipstick

Metrosexual – A man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative. Hmmmm I cut my own hair lol but always try to look well groomed as a man for my wife and for myself.

Masculine of Center – A word that indicates a range personal understanding both in terms of gender identity and gender presentation of lesbian/queer women who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more masculine way. These individuals may also often identity as butch, stud, aggressive, trans-masculine among other identities.

MSM / WSW – Initialisms for “men who have sex with men” and “women who have sex with women,” to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities (e.g., because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men). OMG WTF? This is a brain scrambler a MSM is a man who might be straight but also might be having sex with men I repeat WTF? This if its a real thing means that T-Girls who fancy other Tgirls need a new Label.

Outing – Involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

Pansexual – A person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions

Passing – A term for trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender/sex identity (regardless of birth sex).  This is an important part of crossdressing wanting to try to pass perfecting your look as much as possible. An LGB/queer individual who can is believed to be or perceived as straight.

Polyamory/Polyamorous– Refers to the practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, consensually non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners). This may include open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves more than two people being in romantic and/or sexual relationships which is not open to additional partners), amongst many other set ups. Some poly(amorous) people have a “primary” relationship or relationship(s) and then “secondary” relationship(s) which may indicate different allocations of resources, time, or priority. AKA Swingers?

Questioning An individual who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Sexual Attraction – An affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in physical intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-non, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction or emotional/spiritual attraction.

Sexual Orientation – The type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one feels for others, often labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to (often mistakenly referred to as sexual preference)

Sexual Preference – The types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in. Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to

Sex Reassignment Surgery / SRS – A term used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal recognition of gender variance.

Skoliosexual – (adj) attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who don’t identify as cisgender) Bloomin ek what a name

Third Gender – A term for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognise three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

Trans*/Transgender –  An umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender norms. Trans with an * is often used to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term. A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that expected based on sex assigned at birth.

Transition(ing) – This term is primarily used to refer to the process a trans* person undergoes when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.

Transman ; Transwoman – An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transgender people or transsexuals to signify that they are men while still affirming their history as assigned female sex at birth. Identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals or transgender people to signify that they are women while still affirming their history as assigned male sex at birth.

Transphobia – The fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the Gay community, as well as in general society.

Transsexual – A person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.

Transvestite – A person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,” and should not be confused with transsexual) – I guess this covers me then relaxation and fun..

So I’m or the "Davina type Crossdresser" is a Heterosexual Gynesexual/Gynephilic Transvestite as I’m Straight …. Love Women and the female image and I crossdress for Fun and Relaxation...

Seems an age since I was last Crosdressed back at the start of October then where did October go ? where did the year to date go?

6 weeks till Christmas

I’m away with work a fair bit in the next 3 weeks but mainly with others from work in the hotel so little chance to Crossdress in a hotel so maybe Crossdressing is over for 2016?

I really could do with unwinding as work is stupid stressful with an audit on at the moment which is causing a backlog of other work then it’ll be Christmas and kids off school so maybe I wont dress until some time in January… Nuts.. Not even a chance to have a girls night in not that I think the wife would want to do it anyway :(

Right onto the next blog...

So Away up North with work and last minute despite having grown a bit of facial hair I decided to pack Davina just in case when in the hotel I got the urge to dress with a weekend away and back to work loads to catch up with plus knowing I had a bit of a firey meeting to attend and might need to chill out..

So travelled by train a bit paranoid that in my bag was womens clothing heels, fake boobs, wig and makeup.

Had the meeting got annoyed and firey in alpha male mode a few times then back to the hotel and a work colleague staying there also.. He said call you for dinner later so I agreed..

Booked in the room turned on laptop opened emails had loads of them and other things which had come in that day to sort and felt stress levels rising with so much to do so thought sod it.. glad I packed Davina and not dressed for a while so sod it taking the opportunity to be dressed..

Quick bath and shave the obwankenobe beard off switch off the mobile and think of excuse why I didn’t meet my colleague for dinner (phone died and had no charging cable which next day I said as an excuse and also asked to borrow his to charge my phone … Super Spy lol)

So bathed, dried, shaved face moisturised got dressed and in go the fake boobies then makeup and didn’t do a very good job of makeup.. maybe it was the rushing as wanted to answer more emails and do some work which was pending and didn’t get the foundation base layer right then messed up eye makeup anyway lippy blusher etc and wig brushed and placed I looked ok but not the best I’ve looked which made me feel a bit Meh.. shall I start the makeup again no time I need to get on with some work..

So sat doing some work on the laptop at 1800 next thing I know its 20:30 and I’ve spent my time dressed sat down typing away on the laptop and thought I’m not enjoing this its not relieving my stress so sod it undressed repacked Davina in the bottom of the bag got rid of the makeup from my face and stuck Pjs on and carried on working on the laptop until about 22:00 then watched a film on TV and went to sleep..

Stress levels not really reduced and Crossdressing not really enjoyed maybe as I’ve put a bit of weight on and maybe as I cocked up my makeup..

A weird feeling where usually stress dissipates when En Fem and sometimes stress outweighs the need to dress to dissipate it but this time even dressed it had little effect on my stress.

Maybe I need to find time to be dressed and just chill (time to chill in general) like we do with a girly night in or dress when away next time and switch off from work and enjoy being dressed ..will report back on how this goes.

So toying in my head about being dressed as Davina in the hotel room with my wife in London I thought a few things

a) What’s the point we’d be stuck in the room her probably being a lil uncomfortable me being crossdressed in the hotel,

b) I’d have to pack the extra weight of Dvina in a case lol

c) We’d just be sat in the room me dressed no “fooling around” as wifey wont touch Davina 

d) I think she would appreciate it more if I didnt and was a husband and wife weekend and

e) What if we’d gone out of the hotel with me dressed (which she’d not do anyway and question if i’d go through with that in that area of London)

I chatted on TVChix with a T girl who said the hotels are used to it and have trans awareness training and policies so no skin off their nose if I was dressed as a woman and in London no skin off anyones nose to jump on the underground and head off for Soho as Davina.. Not this time maybe not any time its a bit daunting going out in London let alone in heels and a dress..

Anyway on the Friday walking back from a shopping centre My wife didn’t notice but I did a tall Blonde walking towards us, dressed nice, fashionable, short skirt, nice tights and heels, well done makeup looked quite attractive it was a T-Girl which was confirmed when we were closer on hearing her voice.

Maybe Us Crossdressers are better at spotting other T girls and a pity my wife didn’t see her as she looked fab to be fair to her.

I mentioned to her I’d just seen a T girl and we walked past her and my wife had no idea.

I would say she blended in well but would get some attention as she looked very convincing and quite good looking. (OMG I’m saying a bloke dressed as a woman was good looking.. but she did lol)

The next day we popped into Central London and on the way we saw a different T girl this time my wife looked at me and said is that a T Girl and I said I would think so but not 100%.

Maybe  they were from London or there for the same event as us ere for the same event as us and maybe had gotten changed in the hotel and went out for the night but the second t girl  looked far more nervous.

Not doing any harm but I see some womens points of view on this of how some crossdressers / trans people portray women when they dress.

For example if I ever went out I would dress fashionable and want to blend in not look OTT as wouldn’t want attention but at the same time would want to look as the first t girl I saw looked convincing and well presented.

My wife would have to be 100% ok with it if I ever went out, it wouldn’t be in public and would have to be a trans hotel or trans event will it ever happen .. probably not think I’m a behind closed doors tgirl.

So nice to once in a blue moon have husband and wife time away so with an event in London to attend we got baby sitters for a whole weekend feeling a little guilty about a weekend away without the kids but we’ve not done this for a long time so off we went packed for a long weekend in London.

I did think to myself what are we going to be doing with a plan in my head of where we could go what we could do not knowing exactly what was around the hotel (or how safe things would be in London) and it did cross my mind to ask the wife if she was packing any sexy lingerie and heels etc and if she said no maybe I’d say we’ll what if I packed “Davina” but no this was a surprise birthday present for me and something my wife as much as myself was looking forward to in the event we were going to and the weekend away.

However in London we popped into a department store and I asked if she’d brought anything sexy to wear in the hotel room and she said no so I talked her into buying a sexy black lacy silky negligie struggling to hide my excitement I then said I’ll buy you a pair of high heels too and we found some  then said whilst we’re at it as a treat what about stockings.. this took a bit more convincing but she bought the lot.. how excited was I.. hard to walk that excited I can tell you lol.

That pic isnt of me drooling by the way but mght as well be

So back at the hotel my wife comes into the bedroom in the negligie, stockings and heels OMG I’m made up turned on and so happy to have my wife dressed in sexy lingerie.. I will spare the details from here on but we had a good night and she even said she liked how her legs looked in the stockings and heels..

bonus lets hope she wears them again…. Wont stop me wearing them but having her in them blows my mind… I must have a fetish for sexy lingerie stockings and heels especially on my wife.. love the feel of them against me if I’m wearing the lingerie but better feeling her wearing things against my skin.. End here I will struggle to walk again lol... Wife is so sexy wish she realised it more often x

As previously mentioned I will add more here as and when I feel I have something worthwhile to print but the Guestbook/Chat has really taken over the website with some regular postings of questions, answers and debate so please have a look in there and add your views into the chatter.

I added the Forum page for the purpose of the guestbook but its a shame to move things from there so what I will do is post in the forum some of the interesting questions from the guestbook as individual forum postings such as:

“Why do you crossdress?”

“Why do you need your wife to know”

etc etc for anyone at any time to add their thoughts on each questions like a frequently asked question resource for others coming into the blog for the first time… all feel free to add in the forum and guestbook.. the more the merrier

D
 

It’s that time of year again “Winter is Coming!” and also I feel I look better as a man with facial hair and really dont like my face so much clean shaven.. hmm a conundrum as to be Davina I need to be clean shaven as I am not a bearded crossdresser so if we have something on like going out with friends or family etc or even a meeting in work I’ll have the designed stubble or beard and moustache as feel I look more manly and better looking the kind of look I want to achieve as a bloke opposite to clean shaven makeup faced red lipped “Davina”

I’ve had plenty of opportunity to crossdress but with facial hair needed (maybe this is a confidence thing too) I’ve not dressed plus work has been ultra stresssful working long hours to get a project done and other work which seems never ending – work has taken over my life momentarily which I have to shake and get out of asap as its unhealthy (Stress doubled by money worries also).

I know when I next crossdress it will act as a massive release but sometimes stress grows so great that you even bat crossdressing aside and try to work through the stress not having time to stop to get changed and made up .. I shaved last week to crossdress working from home then got embroiled in work and didn’t do it so it’s been a few weeks since I crossdressed 5 weeks in fact as the last time I dressed I was in a travelodge “trannylodge” away with work.. sat crossdressed in the hotel room doing work until late … how sad.

So we’re away without the kids this weekend a husband and wife weekend which is really rare and the facial hair is back… I will ask my wife if shes packing a pair of high heels and she will probably say no (as we will have a lot of walking on this break)… should I say ok Shall I bring mine lol…and a razor lol

Popped to Tesco earlier and yipeeee its black tights season..

 This is off the internet i didnt snap her in Tesco and none of the skirts were that short lol

The end of bare legs and flip flops and the reintroduction to women wearing black tights and heels yay my favourite time of the year and nice to see several women in nice dresses with tights and heels as opposed to summer wear and horrid flip flops.

Also dark nights dare I find myself dressed later in the evening or night (would need a planned girls night in for this) and to stand in the garden “Outdoors” as ‘Davina’ feeling the breeze lol the closest I’ll get to being out as Davina.. Not done that for a while

Anyway i’m just glad I get to see women dressed like women again oooo thats sexist lol and maybe see my wife join that club again ooo I do like to see her in black tights a dress and heels ;D

Hi

I have plenty to blog about but the guestbook has taken over the blog with some nice RGs and a few Tgirls having a question and answer sessions with some reall interesting questions and thoughts .. tune into the guestbook and please add your 10 pence worth... You haven't got to pay 10p but you know what i mean.

I'll add some blogs here soon but go on visit the guestbook

So I’m away with work staying in a Travelodge on the edge of town 5 mins from the place I have my early morning meeting tomorrow.

I threw a bag together with “Davina” in it just incase and after a terribly annoyingly stressful week in work since last Friday working long long hours I got the the travelodge at 16:30 booked in set my laptop up on the wifi and let it load whilst I popped out for something to bring back to the room to eat as a load of work to get on with and then at 17:00 thoght sod it lets get Davina out of the boot.

Ran a bath, sent a few emails, had a shave then a quick bath, back to the laptop answered some emails cooling down from the 200 degree heat Travelodge bath water then got transformed and by 22:00 I was still working on my laptop it was still relaxing, I did a marvellous job with my makeup and thought I looked pretty darn fine in the mirror so took some laptop sefies and updated my pics in TV Chix (No wife no one would recognise me from them as I look so much different).

Now led in the Travelodge bed and there is no air con and I don’t want to open the window as its a ground floor and don’t want insects coming in its boiling in here and I cant sleep.

I answered Sindys query and now laughing to myself looking over to where I sat from roughly 1715 – midnight dressed as a woman.. How surreal that I’m back in Alpha male mode thinking about work and tomorrows meeting and how I’m going to find time with the meeting then travelling back down to prep for Thursdays meeting and catch up with other essential work and chuckling that I’ve been dressed as a woman all night and who would have thought it.. No one… Well maybe my wife.

A brief chat on TV Chix and one Crossdresser / T-Girl said I bet you’re not the only one Crossdressed in that Travelodge “You’re a Travelodge Tranny”.. That also made me laugh… Seems lots of men pack their alter ego when they’re away with work lol.

Sindy has tried the girls night in with her husband crossdressed which is a brave thing to do. Well done Sindy ... Its not for everyone but worth seeing how it feels isnt it?

We've had 3 or 4 girls nights in and i'd love another as mentioned to bring down the wardrobe and have a dress up make up try on session and offload some of the dresses and maybe the wife will want to claim a few back.

Maybe my wife feels like this too although has told me I'm nicer to her when I'm “Davina” or when I'm en fem but Sindy tried to be involved and talk casually and pretend her husbands dressing didn't bother her... But it always did and probably does to my wife also.

I've been here too and again no doubt my wife is thinking shut up you're thinking aloud as Sindys example “I'll never forget my husband making a flippant comment about women's jeans one afternoon and how we get the stretchier more comfortable material. It was harmless and said in light conversation - yet all I could think was 'he shouldn't know these things!”
I've been out with the wife and her friends talking heels, makeup etc and they were amazed at my knowledge but not for a minute did they think OMG he must crossdress as I've said quite the opposite as I told them I crossdressed and they played along before concluding “As if YOU'd crossdress!”

I also don't know why this is harder for some women than others as Emma RG in the guestbook seems to have had a eureka moment and is enjoying the crossdressing and it's also spurned her back into her dresses and heels with some nice and encouraging comments from Emma.

Sindy continues “I wince. Cringe. I want to put my hands over my ears and yell 'la la la la' to block it out. I totally get why your wife can know you're a crossdresser, she can even logically support that you're a crossdresser, yet any hint of this reality and she's likely to freak completely out. It just doesn't mesh AT ALL with how she sees you. And this is how I also feel”

This is a stage in acceptance where some stop and some move on.. Some women will want no part in crossdressing wont want to know discuss or see it and some move on as my wife did to wanting to know when I dressed to avoid it then made that leap of faith and came upstairs and met me dressed and realised it wasnt so bad.. but that I needed a new wig,

Sindy has been through some hard feelings as shes said”When I tried to mesh it together I seriously considered divorce. Again, I can't explain why”
Its social conditioning and something which can be overcome with good communication and realisation its not as bad as you think if as Sindy calls it your other half is the “Davina type crossdresser” that is if you trust what i'm writing about.

We're normal men but we just happen to enjoy a bit of escapism in the form of crossdressing..
Reading Katies guestbook post on what she'd want sumerised in the blog Sindy has this to say which again is encouraging..
“I'm actually really grateful that you've written this (Kate) and you've listed what you would want from your wife, as not only is this good information to have as who knows, maybe I can handle a few things here and there, but I've thought for the longest time that my husband is STILL trying to get me involved despite how bad things went in the past and this at least validates that I'm not imagining this lol. I guess people are always seeking acceptance from those they love. I wish he would stop though. I really do. I accept he does this, but even after chatting here I just can't be a part of it right now. Or maybe ever again, Not unless he wants me to see him as someone else, and that someone might not be able to remain my husband”

I think Sindy has come a long way from picking her pornstar name (you'll have to go back to April in the guestbook to get this lil in joke) to become Sindy the wife of a Crossdresser and I see the encouraging signs in our chats and take it as a positive that she may do some of the things Katie dreams of for her husband but Sindy is at a point of acceptance and has to be comfortable at the stage shes at and might remain there and her husband will have to greatfully accept that but saddens me to read the last part “Not unless he wants me to see him as someone else, and that someone might not be able to remain my husband”
Having read what Sindy has said about her husband I think he would be happy to stay at this level of acceptance and may want more but if this is where they are and it works he'll be happy with Sindys acceptance but playing no part but maybe do some of Katies wishes .. This however may be an encouragement which would make her husband attempt to push the boundaries again but coms need to remain honest and open and it does no harm to ask Sindy from time to time are you ready to move onto another level and see me dressed or still the same as you never know..
I'm glad this blog is helping some of the women readers come to terms with some of this and also feel free to use me and Katie as a sound board and again I'll try to get my wifes thoughts involved.
It would be good to hear off Sindys husband also either on here or via email ..

What do I want? Ideal world?
Imagine this … I sit my wife down and say “I'm a crossdresser” and she says “Wow thats so cool lets see you crossdressed then, oh I have the perfect dress and I cant wait to do your makeup”
“Lets get dressed up sexy together and then lets go off to bed together for some fun”
“We can be lipstick lesbians together” Lol.. its a nice fantasy...

Katie posed this sprouting another blog item..
Katie has been thinking for while what she actually wants from the relationship she has with her wife with regard to crossdressing. It’s always been difficult to actually pinpoint. There are so many emotions spinning through our heads and we always try to look at things from our wives perspective.

Katies perspective and what she wants:
1. Firstly the most important thing is that we are accepted for who we are (Davina - I would add we're still us we haven't changed we just happen to like to crossdress. It’s just a matter of standing back from the situation and looking at it from a different angle)

Not talking about it or even acknowledging it happens may work for a wife but it does make the crossdresser feel a little confused (what is she really thinking) and guilty “why am I doing it why have I put her through this?”
Communication is again key and the speed and depth of discussion needs to be gauged but should continue and not stop as its then so hard to bring back up.
2/ Katie states “Crossdressing doesn't need to be the topic of conversation everyday but just something that is normal, you know ‘How was work today?’ ‘Fine’ end of conversation unless something happened at work that was important! It doesn’t need to be a big deal. ‘I like the way Holly Willougby is dressed do you think it would suit me?’ in casual conversation”
I sometimes have this sort of conversation with my wife I guess I'm lucky I can joke about my crossdressing with her or just talk about it I'm sure she may agree or disagree if I saw a woman in a dress and said “I think I'd look ok in that” she might say yes it would suit you..

3. Katies wife often asks “if there is anything you need”. she’d love to be able to say ‘can you pick me up a pair of tights’ but doesn’t she/he can. She also asks what Katie would like for birthday or Christmas. And again Katie would love to be able to say ‘I’ve seen this really nice dress, skirt, top etc.’ but instead says “nothing” and ends up with something that useful but means less.
4. Katie says “It would means so much if my wife actually bought me an item of women’s clothing, especially if it was a surprise. To me that would be a form of acceptance and would really reinforce our love. Soppy maybe but it would show that’s she’s thinking of me as the whole person and not just part”

5. Katie also likes the idea of a ‘girls night in’ where she can metaphorically let her hair down and talk to her wife in a completely different way, nerve wracking and exciting at the same time but hopefully it would enable Katie to open up to her even more as She'd be totally exposed with defenses down. Maybe it would just help in it being ‘normal’.
All good points to what Katie would like in her relationship with her wife involving her occassional crossdressing and jking aside from my initial scenario I think this is what most of us want:
Davina-
1.Acceptance as something we occassionally do which helps us in some weird and fantastical way to feel sexy in ourselves in the escapism and also the inexpainable stress release we gain from crossdressing.
2. Understanding that Crossdressing isnt a threat to our marriage its just clothing and makeup and an image society says belongs to a woman with men enforced into the tiny choice of clothing crossdressing lets us explore something we enjoy and lets us harmlessly let our hair down in this extraordinary manner and lets us compensate. We may never understand it fully but acceptance and partial understanding is something we crave.
3. Worry free on both parts we worry our wives are worrying and feel guilt. I'm past any guilt its just something I do and I hope the wife is being honest when she says “its just something you do don't worry about it” and “you think too much”
4. The girls nights in are still nerve wracking but something I do enjoy and really I wish she'd take more of a part in getting dolled up too and trying things on and different looks etc to make it more of a girls night in as opposed to a husband and wife night in only once in a while once or twice a year is nice.
5. The wife buying a surprise is always nice even if its a new pair of Stockings or some makeup.
6. Being brave enough and for it to be accepted when we're out shopping if I see something I fancy for “Davina” I'd like it to be ok to say see those shoes reduced to £5 in Primark have they got them in an 8 I want them lol or that lingerie is really nice have they got my size its half price.. I see things sometimes and want to say I'd like to buy this or that or them butt the guilt then creeps in a) Dont want to upset her that I want to buy womens things and b) how can I justify buying womens clothes for myself (unless 5 inch strappy heels for a fiver of course)
7. I'd love her to enjoy my company when I'm crossdressed which she says she does to quote her “You're much nicer when you're crossdressed”
8. Going back to the joke I would like to take my wife to bed when I'm crossdressed but as she's said “I'm not a lesbain” so will take that as a compliment and leave it a fantasy.

Maybe its worth Crossdressers once its out there and a wife has some form of acceptance noting down what they wouldnt mind from a relationship involving their occassional crossdressing and a wife can take a red pen to it and add a cross next to what shes not comfortable with and a green tick to what is ok and an orange marker to the maybe lets see in the future?

However maybe some of the ones with the red crosses will have wives running for the hills lol

Again a post from Sindy in the Guestbook on overthinking
Sindy wonders, are wives overthinking crossdressing (I think in my way of crossdressing YES.. nothing to fear here) or are crossdressers under-thinking? (Maybe sometimes yes if we try to push the issue too quick too soon etc).

Sindy admits “In the past, when I was trying to become more knowledgeable about all this and made the mistake of perusing the very biased crossdressing forums, I noticed a common pattern where men would suddenly decide to tell their wife of their proclivity, and then in a dizzy joy decide she also must accept and participate in this brand new lifestyle (new to the wife!) and when she understandably freaked completely out and told him to either quit, do it without her or or leave, he pouted to his forum buddies about how uncompromising women can be”

Poor communication can really lead to over and under thinking..

- WHY must women compromise for men's behavior?

Thats upto women to decide we compromise a lot of things in particular that our wives maybe no longer wear the things we'd like them to wear or wear them only occassionally as we've discussed comfort over style or comfort over sexy… We think this means women are mad.
Why compromise? This also comes back to how a Crossdresser tells his wife or girlfriend and how the whole conversation(s) go and how the chats go and at what pace.

- Why should any woman anywhere live with a behavior she doesn't like? Ever?

She shouldnt if it does real especially physical harm but look at the Blog on fetish and the discussion of what if a woman could only wear mens clothes the answer was its unfair to inflict this on women.. but not on men.. hang on thats sexist isnt it?

So women overthink! But agreed with Sindy women also seem to compromise their own lives but i'd say we compromise just as much as women in a relationship .. there are a lot of things which wind us up and we're not happy with but we bite our tongues about sometimes like Eastenders, flat shoes, flip flops, millions of handbags, not wearing sexy lingerie for us… The list goes on and maybe superficial.. but so is crossdressing!!

Agreed Sindy - Even the Davina type crossdresser can affect how a wife feels.. It must affect how my wife feels sometimes to think I have to crossdress to unwind or to feel sexy etc but that shouldn't affect her as the only thing she may do affecting my dressing is she doesn't wear sexy lingerie for me very often to very rare and i'd like her in a dress and tights (mmm stockings even) and heels more and she knows this and knows I drool when she's dressed sexy which makes it all the more difficult and frustrating for us men to deal with when a wife goes for comfort over sexy.

This is reflected in a part of why I crossdress being the compensation i've talked about and if a wife wont wear the sexy lingerie in effect denying something we men lust after and like why have a double whammy of denying a man wearing the lingerie and dressing up to compensate .. sounds harsh isnt meant to but has its perspective and its bloomin harmless FUN!

I know most wives would rather we didn't do it but we'd conversely rather you women did dress sexy and wear sexy lingerie and high heels so we're stuck.

Sindy concludes in this post “Just an observation, but maybe if men thought a little harder they would have an easier time in their marriages, and maybe they wouldn't have started the behavior in the first place”.
However most Crossdressers started crossdressing when young and before we got married and we married a woman who dressed to impress us snared us then dressed for comfort argghhh..
Sindy follows with “Let's face it, a well known boundary is crossed any time a young boy decides to try on his mother's or sister's underwear. A boundary little girls seems innately to know to avoid”

See the boundaries blog …. why would a girl want to try on mens things easier to see why a boy would want to try on sexy lingerie.. especially at an age in puberty when we become aware of sex and whats sexy etc….

As Katie counters “Marriage is, however, a compromise and there does need to be give and take to make it work. We need to accept each others faults and celebrate the positives. It's working as a team and backing each other up, being the shoulder to cry on and the support when times are difficult”

It always seems Crossdressing is related to sexuality LGB……...T don't  even go there.
Again Katie makes the Blog page with this..
Being a heterosexual male is a very binary option.
You either tow the line laid down my society to how a straight man has to behave… or you're 'gay'.

Gay men have monopolised all the good stuff because they don't care about being called gay.
For a heterosexual male to be called gay is regarded as an insult.
Sorry no offence meant to anyone who may be Gay but its a truth which some will say isn't politically correct but to hell with the PC brigade in this instance its not a prejudice we're just not attracted to men so to us its an insult to be thought of as Gay.. damn still sounds harsh..

When my wife asked if I was Gay because I crossdressed I was like “WTF… where did that come from!?!” I never considered this being one of her quesitons.. do you wanna be a woman? ok a given (No I don't) but where did are you gay come from.. I crossdress I dont fancy men!
Katie then states - Rightly or wrongly that the way it is in the modern (older) male society.
So:
1. If I want to shave my body – gay. - I do shave my body its shaving ff the hair it doesnt make me gay.
2. If I wanted to shape my eyebrows – gay. - Bushy eyebrows look a mess I like to look nice as a man so I shape my eyebrows – I dont fancy men still just because I think my eyebrows look better less bushy and messy and more ordered.
3. If I wanted to wear flamboyant clothes -gay. - OK I dont think I wear anything flamboyant but I do sometimes wear a dress… but still I dont fancy men...at...all so not gay.
4. If i wanted wear a little makeup – gay. - Woooooah Katie thats gay that is… The only time I wear makeup is if I crossdress and see above not gay but men wearing makeup naahh..
5. If I want to wear feminine clothes – gay. See above Crossdressing isnt gay!!
6. If I wanted to show my emotions – gay. - Something I find hard to do but I dont think a man showing emotions makes him less of a man but some men do think like this so we hide our emotions incase we are around someone who does think a man showing emotion is weak or ...gay
7. If I want to paint my nails – gay. - Why would you want to do this unless crossdressing – again see above crossdressing not gay.
8. If I want to wear heels – gay. Same crossdressed ok not crossdressed a waste of time
9.If my wife worn my shirt - sexy. If I wore her blouse – gay. - unless with a nice skirt and made up (crossdressed) then not gay
10.If my wife my a tuxedo - sexy. If I wore her evening dress – gay. - not if fully crossdressed tho Katie.. But I think people get the point.

The list goes on.

If we had the freedom to wear what we wanted then crossdressing wouldn't exist. 
I think we can agree there's nothing gay about actually crossdressing.. 
End of conversation remove the T!

As Katie quotes in the guestbook in reply to Sindy , “I think that when the crossdressing starts at a young age it could be termed 'fetish' although it does seem a bit of a harsh word to describe someone so innocent in many way. I think 'fetish' also has negative connotations which is why most crossdressers will avoid using the term”

I don't know … I think it became a fetish as initially it was liking the feel of the clothes but my first errection was when I was crossdressed I remember thinking there was something wrong with me lol..
Following this I think it became a bit of a fetish… But wont elaborate on dressing for the turn on at a young age.

Katie also goes on to say “I also think that the sexual 'fetish' side diminishes over time and it is just down to the joy and fun which is why it is shunned by crossdressers”.
I will admit I still get turned on when I crossdress.

Maybe Katie is right taking my wife crossdressed scenario to another level a wife trying to crossdress in An old T shirts, baggy jeans, rough cotton boxers trainers and no make up.
I think the wife would definitely appreciate womens clothes even more? To be able to feel sexy?
Better still try shopping in the mens section and find something you'd like to wear…

Sindy states “That's an intriguing thought - what if I HAD to dress plain and frumpy with no choice (as men currently have it). Wow, just made me realize how utterly unfair it is that you don't have any choice”

Sindy goes on to say “Being on the girl side I don't think much about pretty clothes etc as I know they're there if needed. But you don't have that option unless you do what you do now”

Sindy suddenly feels infuriated that anyone could take away her choice like that, and we're right, if Sindy couldn't wear what she wanted to wear she would probably spend all day thinking about those damn pretty dresses…. We're getting somewhere I think as its sexy, its relaxing and most of all its forbidden!! We don't have a choice what to wear that women have.

Sindy ends with “I can't believe I never really considered this issue properly before. It really is very unfair. Why is it like this for crying out loud? Why did men lose all the ruffles and pretty clothing options? “
So is it all a fetish? Nope! Sometimes? Maybe sometimes its just about the image we want to sometimes portray and the clothes we like to wear for that bit of escapism.

As Katie counters “I think all crossdressers get this thrill and excitement in wearing pretty things and the pretty things happen to be labelled feminine. I've always wondered if women get the same thrill in getting dressed up or because it is not denied to you it is just normal?”
I think women do enjoy getting glammed up but its more of a rare thing kept for weddings and “girls nights out”...

I agree with Katie we Crossdressers have an idealised version of femininity which normally include dresses, skirts, stocking and heels. The things our wives no longer or rarely wear.
This is where dressing compensation sometimes comes into it… We wear the things our wives no longer or rarely wear as when younger we wore things we wanted to see and feel women wearing the option was wear it yourself.
For a time to attract and titilate us they wore the things were attracted to then pulled the rug from under us when trapped in their snares lol

Maybe it is a fetish, the love of feminine and feminine things to the point we crossdress.

Sindy's  been thinking  “It seems that all the female finery crossdressers love are basically loathed by the majority of women!!” … “Do women wear it for the male gaze?”….“If so re crossdressers men who dress for that male gaze?“

NO WE'RE FRIGGING NOT! OR RATHER NO WE DON'T!
But maybe Sindy is right we like how we look when crossdressed… and how we feel.
Sindy thinks “/maybe we should just swap outfits permanently and be done with it. Problem solved!”

NO WE LOVE SEEING WOMEN DRESSED SEXY BUT BECAUSE THEY DO IT LESS AND LESS WE DO IT TO COMPENSATE… as part of our reason for crossdressing.. We crossdress feel nice and wonder what is wrong with women!?! Why don't they like to dress like this!?!

We do dress as the women we desire.
Katie quotes “I am inspired by the clothes that my wife wears and the women I see on TV - mainly BBC breakfast TV!”

I have to agree I tune into breakfast TV to see what they're wearing, always legs out and heels which is why the female presenter is always to the left and in full flirty leg view.. and of course Holly Willoughby who is dressing more mumsey on This morning but sexy on Celeb Juice and that sport program she does…
Its summer and women dressing for comfort bring on the winter and black tights and heels I say.

Sindy writes in the guestbook about Second thoughts and Crossdressers crossing Boundaries..
I brought up a scenario of reverse a husband finding his wife crossdressed and saying wait there as they rush off to crossdress and join her lol
Sindy traces a typical male crossdresser trying on someones lingerie and states she doubts a woman crossdressing would have started by trying on a pair of her father's boxer shorts in the laundry pile?

Who knows? Are there any trans women reading this? How did you start is there such a thing as a female to male crossdresser along the theme of this blog as opposed to Transman?

Sindy says “We (women) just don't do this stuff, We usually acknowledge and accept the boundaries society says about privacy etc”. ... “This seems an entirely male thing”...
Now hang on look at the options in the photos below.. here a selection of male undies and then a selection of Lingerie… the answer is obvious the womens lingerie is SEXY and feels nice on!! It has been sexualised and men are simulated by it.

Just look at that from a simple search mens undies shown individually … womens undies shown on sexy women in a sexy way..

We try it on love the feel and the look and it makes us feel….. different, sexy, naughty..
Trying on boxer shorts just wouldn't do this for you would it?.. Female Crossdressers? ..Does it?
I doubt it...

Sindy also speculates that as crossdressing men get older, boundaries seem to become smaller and smaller. Ie They can go out in public wearing women's clothing and feel 'tingly'. They can enter women's spaces and surprise the wife and maybe even tell the kids!

This isn't the Davia Type crossdresser as Sindy has labelled my type of crossdressing.. Maybe this does apply to other people who crossdress but not all.. its about your own boundaries and needs also and I don't need to tell the kids and certainly wouldn't use womens toilets if I was out crossdressed… Would I go out crossdressed? Hmm probably not.. My wife would not like it for one.. If I ever did I'd want her with me.. So no chance as her fear would be more around someone recognising her than me. I do from time to time wonder how it would feel to be out crossdressed… Wont happen!

Sindy then asks “Why then do crossdressers feel entitled to overstep so many boundaries in terms of privacy, where young crossdressing boys sneak other people's underwear without much apparent thought?”

I guess we (as young crossdressers) know its not right as we hide we're doing it, but it feels good its the sexualised aspect probably as a young man and getting off on crossdressing at this age, not thinking whos lingerie you're wearing just enjoying the moment and the fantasies which come with crossdressing.. ie wanting a woman dressed in the lingerie you're wearing.. I can think back to trying lingerie on but don't and didn't feel any guilt for trying someones lingerie on its just a garment of clothing which to my mum maybe she'd be mortified to know I used to try on her lingerie but I have never felt guilt from trying things on or really thought about invading someones privacy.. which it obviously was.
Crossdressers do willingly ignore these obvious boundaries.

I note that some mothers whos partners Crossdress will think “My son would not step over this boundary and would never Crossdress” …. but who would think young sporty me would have stolen opportunities to crossdress? You never know.
Now you will be looking for signs lol.

Katie agrees that female lingerie is very sexualised.  Look on the M&S website, Next catalogue etc to find 'sexy lingerie' as a category. I've admitted before Marshall Ward and Freemans catalogues were my first soft porn.. I wont elaborate

You wont find that in the male underwear section! Sexualised male models in mens underwear? Maybe you do I don't look at those pages lol

I certainly remember a trip through the lingerie section in M&S my mum teling me to stop touching things… I loved the feel.

As Katie states in the guestbook and I agree “It was like taking a peak into a forbidden world and maybe helped pique my interest!”
Nothing to worry about now as I have my own things and havent had the urge to try anyone elses clothes on for ages lol.

A man returns home early from work noticing his wifes car parked in the street wondering why she's also home early..

He enters the house and calls “Honey I'm home” and there's no answer so he checks the garden and  no one there so go's upstairs to get changed and finds his wife in their bedroom struggling to get a tie off dressed in mans brogues, trousers and shirt and tie waistcoat and jacket hair tied up like Gareth Bale “Dressed as a man”

“OMG!” shouts the husband “What are you doing?!”

“I..i.. I um” Speechless the wife starts to cry.

“Wait right there I'll be right back” says the husband “You need to give me 30 mins”

The wife obeys stays dressed as a man reflecting on her Crossdressing having been caught red handed worried what her husband will say when he comes back in having calmed down and sorted his head out..

30 mins passes and the husband comes back upstairs and into the bedroom the wife is still dressed as a man but facing her is a leggy blonde in high heels, full make up long blonde hair and a dress.. Her husband crossdressed!!!

“WTF!!!” Shouts the wife “That's disgusting you pervert why are you dressed as a woman! Are you Gay, I mean like do you want a sex change or something!?!! OMG take it off I'm disgusted with you!!! What does this mean for our marriage? What if the kids find out or my mother and our friends and neighbours”

Men just see things very differently to women..

Women think too much… 

Hi sorry I've not blogged for a while lots to blog about but visit the guestbook/chat as some really good conversations in there.

Will add here soon

Day off today up early getting over Flu “Man Flu” deadly Man Flu which has upset my exercise regime this week with the Flu hitting me Monday and lasting all week feeling Euurrghhhh... We can never be real women as we still get the Man Flu....

I stepped on the weighing scales today and since starting diet and fitness at the end of April I've lost 1 stone “YES!!! Get in there!!” … I want to crack on now and lose a bit more getting me down to 13 stone and further then some older clothes might fit.. Man clothes that is.

Nice to see and feels like an accomplishment as you weight and see the scales tell you your diet and fitness is working and nice for my male vanity to look in the mirror and think this is working no more beer belly and moobs are getting smaller lol (be harder to make cleavage soon lol).

So today a day off and I was going to do the garden cut the grass have a tidy up but all I've done is put some of the kids toys away, loaded and put on the dishwasher, clean some glasses, put on washing and the drier as its been raining so the garden works on hold and just popped to the supermarket with the wife in her lunch break to get a few things for a BBQ this weekend.

Tap a bit of this blog then put the hoover round before I get the kids from school and then the park and later probably a stroll to the pub for pub grub and beer.. Then up again early Saturday morning for a long walk or run to burn off the calories frm the pub..... I could get used to being a house husband… I will regret not sorting the garden but its bank holiday weekend and I think the wife and kids should come out the garden with me and help and make tidying up the garden a family effort..

Anyway, after my run this morning I decided it was time to de-fuzz so had a good all over shave of everything above the socking tops, gave myself a hair cut and shave and shaved off the designer stubble to which my youngest said I should keep off as she thinks I look nicer without the stubble.. then took them to school..

Feels nice to feel fitter and slimmer and smooth..

So most of the housework done I went up the attic to get down our lightweight cases as holidays are only 4 weeks away and time to start putting things aside in cases then thought sod it I've not dressed for ages I'm getting dolled up..

Foundation, blusher, eye shaddow layered light to dark and mascara, lipstick and liner then gloss and into a black and white dress, basque, black lace topped stockings and finally black high heels (how women should dress lol just to wind up a reader and contributor in the Guestbook Sindy)  and then the long blonde wig and boom transformed in about 5 mins and happy that in 2 months I still know how to do my makeup… however I've been out in the elements and have a bit of colour on my face I need a different foundation and powder to colour match but who cares as no one can see me apart from me in the mirror I think the last time I bought makeup was Summer of 2014 and its still going strong though there are a few bit's and pieces I'll need soon.

So I was dressed around 10:00 happy with my makeup and thinking I looked quite alright then sat down and what did I do? … Watched American football I'd recorded from last season and re-read some of the blog… then did a bit more washing and drying and tidying up around the house and was back in male mode by 11:30..

So why did I dress? I didn't really have a huge urge but there was opportunity so I dressed up and it filled a gap but was only dressed for an hour and a half.

I think my mind is set on a girls night in some time and a sort out of dresses with my wife both havng fun getting made up and dolled up it's a bit boring just dressing alone at home hard work tidyng up in 5 inch heels too..

Maybe I'm getting a bit bored of dressing? Or maybe I get the urge more in the winter? or maybe  its knowing i dont have much time to be dressed and know i have to change back and leave no sign as picking the kids up from school.. I can't remember the last time i could dress knowing i have plenty of time apart from being in a hotel away with work.

Anyway re-set the Crossdressing clock 8 weeks back to zero…

Started dissecting some of the questions asked in the guestbook to put in here also and then into the help pages… Watch this space and have a good bank holiday weekend..

Since when is fun (ie Crossdressing being fun) so fraught with such serious social consequences?

Why are there serious social consequences?

Men dressing as women… ergo so is women dressing as men um no its not..

It's fun and in our case the only way there may be some social consequences is if someone found out or if we decided to tell someone ie our wives and girlfriends when the fun becomes a problem because thats how we're taught to think.

The reality is its not a big deal but we're taught it is… So yeah its fun to crossdress!!

Grayson Perry and his thoughts on Crossdressing.

Apparently Grayson has done some documentary on crossdressing and he discusses the Crossdressing is 'fun' issue and he says there's no way men would put at risk their jobs, kids, marriages and general lives for a bit of fun.

I beg to differ as we do and also beg to differ as some men will do lots of other things (non-crossdressing) which put their jobs, kids, marriages and general lives at rick for a bit of percieved fun drink, drugs, vice… Crossdressing pales into insignificance.

Mr Perry says it's a compulsion, something we're unable to stop.

I think I have the same brain as my grandfather who one day decided to stop smoking and never touched one again. I know I can stop crossdressing and if I can't look ok dressed up I'll stop doing it and that will be that.

Crossdressing is something you like to do to unwind and have a bit of unusual fun I don't feel it's something I MUST do but it helps if I do do it occassionally. 

There isn't anythig which diminishes the fun of doing it apart from getting dressed then circumstances change and you have to get changed back quickly – what a waste of makeup.

I'm sure Grayson is an intelligent chap and may seem to know his stuff … aptly "his stuff" not 'my stuff ' as there is far too many reasons why men crossdress and there's no way of getting it all under wraps and saying that's why men dress up as women.

Grayson may be convinced crossdressing is largely sexual and involves men trying to deal with parts of their identity and desires that weren't allowed...or something like that.

For me it may have started sexual but now its more “FUN” and enjoyable and escapism when I get the opportunity to dress that is.

Boys are never encouraged to feel sexy or soft or pretty or vulnerable this is true we're taught to be tough and brave, competitive and hard.

WE need escapism and relaxation and Crossdressing has become one way of doing this.

If Grayson is saying crossdressing may stem from men being forced to be masculine all the time he may be onto something which we already know lol.

Crossdressing may help men deal with the parts of their personalities (sexual and otherwise) that are more feminine. Which we keep hidden away..

Crossdressing is fun and can be fairly important to our wellbeing with its unexplicable stress relief.

If I can't do it it can be frustrating… I've not dressed for over a month and don't really have the urge at the moment either but it doesnt become less fun just because I can't crossdress .. remember we're occassional crossdressers 12 times or more per year.

My crossdressing isn't a compulsion, maybe for other crossdressers it is but I dont think OMG i've not crossdressed for a month I need to crossdress.. I will just take the next opportunity I get if I feel like doing it. I may get opportunity but not feel like doing it so is it a compulsion?

There is no compulsion controlling me maybe this is something more extreme crossdressers have.

I believe I have struck a healthy balance and got my head around dressing.

I've never had a compulsion to dress which has overruled my common sense – Something I have in abundance is a procedural mind and bags of common sense.

In these times if I feel the need to dress but cant I just dont dress and look forward to the next chance I get… It usually works out that time away from dressing then when the opportunity arrives it feels even more “FUN”

Graysons connection that were men not so boxed into masculinity, transvestism wouldn't exist… Not sure I can agree with this either as I don't have to be boxed in with alpha male masculinity.

I could drop the alpha male front and be softer etc but I’d still crossdress.

This is what we cant make out as Crossdressers but we've had years to digest that we are crossdressers so easy for me to say?

But we don't see it as serious or a threat to our relationships, although we fret and worry over others finding due to the social stigma and misconception about “Our type of crossdressing”.

To others in the Trans world it is very serious but for us it's a bit of fun and we don't take ourselves serious when we dress up.

Some other Trans people don't like us for this .. we don't take it serious as to us we're men finding some enjoyment in occasional crossdressing.. We don't want to live as or be women.. we're ok the few opportunities we get to have crossdressing as our escapism.

We sort of get that wives think its a serious thing but its not.. This is so hard to explain.

Its just a bit of fun the same as if we dressed up as something else… you'd be ok if we dressed up as something else but we dress up like women which makes it serious weird behaviour to you.. to us this makes us go arrghhhhhhhhhhh! Lol I don't know how to explain this but as women feel its a serious problem (Gay, perverted, sexualised, transvestism, transexual, we're not good enough that's why he does it… wrong on all counts)

We tend to hide that we crossdress and find it hard to talk about it.. what's more serious a man dressing as a woman 12 times per year for his escapism or a man with a drink problem to escape stress?… or a man hiding other secrets from his wife and not being open and honest?

It's not easy admitting you're a crossdresser so rejection after working your way upto telling someone is doubly hard to take..

Some will say you tell because it makes it easier for you…

9 years of my wife knowing I crossdressed wasn't always easy before she got to a level of understanding and acceptance.

I didn't tell her to make it easier for me I told her as she deserved to know and I trusted she would cope with and understand it given explanations..

I was maybe lucky that she knew I was mad anyway soooo...

I agree keeping crossdressing private is a good thing.

Society isn’t ready for crossdressers  in the main stream with our fake DD boobs and long hair and women would be so jealous of our legs so we're better off hiding our legs away in secret and in private.

 Now thats repulsive...

If we wear fake boobs we're trying to emulate / look convincing and boobs like it or not is a requirement to define trying to look like a woman.

So it's more than crossdressing its cross-emulation of women or becomes it after the crossdressing when we decide to see if we can look like women ... makeup and all.

Wearing the clothing for a time was all I needed until I tried makeup then the wig then wondering if I could look convincing now its fake boobs long blonde hair and makeup n heels or not at all.

Would it really be more accepted if we just wore the clothes?

Stop looking like women and I think you'll get more acceptance? - Are you mad lol its being able to look like a woman which is part of the satisfaction of our type and level of crossdressing.. If people think we're transsexuals in denial, or insane that's upto them.

I was thinking of putting a pic of a convincing crossdresser here but copy right and all that just googe convincing crossdresser and see its not repulsive and we're not doing a diservice to women in our portrayal.

Its why crossdressing is the least understood form of trans :(

I don't bring crossdressing into everyday life and don't know anyone who does this I don't paint my nails or toenails let alone keep them painted. Well I have painted them once or twice but worry I won't get it all off… oh and tried fake £1 ones but can't type with them on.

Don't shave everything all the time? Ewww - We don't … but if we did so what?

It's our choice if we want to be clean shaven.

The majority of men are clean shaven as a daily ritual. I have designer stubble at the moment.

I never act effeminate and never an androgynous person…. Ever!

If this is not uncommon for the more consumed dressers then they are different from me .. but being an occassional crossdresser am I consumed??

I bet consumed crossdressers wives would struggle but I'm 99% of the year Alpha male and 1% dressed as a woman the two are vast extremes for me as a crossdresser.

We don't hide that we're men when we crossdress we escape looking like and acting like a man temporarily but happy to return to being men, fathers, husbands.

Crossdressing is about clothing and image and how we like women to look and try to emulate.

It's not about gender equality but its also not about coveting what women have.

Its crossdressing that is all.. We don't covet stockings and lingerie and high heels we just like wearing them every now and then and we'd like you to wear them more often… every now and then!! Please!!

If women all dressed as hairy men Ewwww why would we dress as hairy men as that's not what we find attractive.

Crossdressers, don't want to unite the sexes we just enjoy dressing up and presenting as women occasionally as an escape no motivation to prove anything or change anything apart from wanting acceptance that we do it and that there's nothing for wives to worry about in us doing it.

I don't even think most of us do it in an OTT 'feminine' way... I think I look OK when crossdressed nothing extravagant with an aim of looking passable (from a distance lol) I don't then come over all camp which would be hysterical.. I cannot do camp its just not in me.

We're not looking for full gender equality, we just want it to be thought of as less a serious “problem” (or non-problem) and more as just something we feel the urge to do and enjoy doing from time to time so “crossdressing in skirts and and heels will have to STAY!” lol Or I will be forced to say women must always wear dresses, skirts and heels and can't wear jeans and trousers EVER!  lol.

Ask my wife how she feels about being involved? ..

I don't know her answer but her brave march upstairs that fateful day knowing I was dressed up and knowing she'd see me dressed was her eye opener as I think she was relieved that I looked OK not OTT and she's found that I'm somehow nicer when I'm dressed which I cant see but she does so must be (A positive spin off).

Bear in mind it was about 9 years from my wife knowing I dressed to meeting me dressed… so that march up stairs wasn’t planned or premeditated she just did it I was shocked, nervous, elated, excited, and finally relieved by her positive reaction..

I do love my wife … despite the lack of leg on show lol knew I should have drawn up prenups about heels… I am like a dog on heat if she does get her legs out.. hint hint a Wedding to go to next week get your legs out wifey heels on woohoo.

I get it if its weird for wives so would like my wife to answer this if she will in terms of how she feels when I'm crossdressed and how involved she is.

It's still me I might as well be here dressed as a stormtrooper as far as I'm concerned as I'm just dressed up nothing psycological about it apart from somehow relaxing but dressing as a woman would feel nicer than dressing as a stormtrooper from star wars though dressing as a stormtrooper would be pretty cool lol. I'd love a stormtrooper outfit (I wonder what stormtroopers wear under their armour?)

Another apt cartoon ...

I'm sure my wifes image of me is not destroyed she thought I was mad before she knew I crossdressed. And she knows I'm still a super hero but I bet her thoughts were different at the time of telling her I was a crossdresser. She bloomin asked if I was GAY!!!

People ‘hitting on the wrong sex’ or indeed hitting on crossdressers Katie is right this is part of the taboo about crossdressing.

Straight people don’t like their sexuality called into question ie us straight crossdressers.

“NO I AM NOT GAY WHAT EVER MADE YOU THINK THAT”

I'd never considered she'd ask me that as it had never crossed my mind to think of crossdressing as GAY!

However some are Gay like a percentage of the population crossdressers or not are Gay..
 

I don't get it but men admire T-Girls / Crossdressers ... this meme is apt as they'd hate me as me (male me)..

I get messages asking me to meet... from men… Ewww…. who call themselves Admirers (yuck spit puke)..

I once had a message “If you will allow me to take you to dinner as Davina … I will pay you £500" … lol yeah right some ruffees in my drink and wake up in a hotel room nice try but no ta lol

I did consider saying to my wife some bloke offered £500 to take “Davina” to dinner she might have pimped me out and said £500 go for it…. Ummm No

! Now there's a question for her lol

Easy £500 and free lunch and no drink through fear of rufies

Katie  - My wife had never seen me dressed and never wanted to until that faitful day she came up with a cuppa for me and it changed her opinion slightly and we moved to another level of acceptance at that point and not long after had our first “girls night in together”.

I know my wife had a mental picture of me dressed even though I'd shown her photos which I don't think she really looked at in any detail.

I remember her saying “OK you look like a woman but I just don't get it” and at that time said I still want nothing to do with it… until she came up and met me dressed totally unplanned 9 years later.

My dressing is also very separate from the male part of my life, there is no blurring between the lines here.

The same as Katie I think the whole dressing thing is very difficult to get your head round so I've given up on wondering why I do it.

I’m not sure if I entirely understand the motivation but I’ve never looked at it as hiding my sex (I'm a bloke who crossdresses still a bloke).

I’ve done it to please myself and have done it behind closed doors for years since a kid before my wife knew and since telling my wife.

I don't dress to attract other people but all the same if someone sees a picture of me in my “Davina” profile its nice to read a nice comment about how I look.. Not so much appreciated from “Male Admirers” but in a way nice to read someone thinking I look attractive and that's that, nothing needs to be done about it, mere words on a screen of well done. 

Acceptance and agreement is very important as is seperating crossdressing fro the day to day

Agreed, waxing and waning acceptance / non acceptance is pretty typical behaviour of women who have crossdressing partners and it isnt easy for us when one min we think ahh shes ok with me dressing its not such a big deal or issue then the next min the cold shoulder for mentioning something about crossdressing another argghhh moment… factor in womens mood swings at certain times of the month .. which we thankfully don't get.

However if there was a pill I could take to make it all go away I would not as I don't see it as something wrong with me and can't agree that life would be any easier.. id still need some outlet for stress which crossdressing has become to an extent.

I don't get when wives say they have been robbed? What's changed? What's really wrong?

I really don't get how if you met someone and liked them and had a connection that if he said “I crossdress” that a woman would say “Errrm ok bye”….

That's the equivalent of us men chatting up a woman and she looks nice, nice makeup nice dress legs out high heels and we have the same connection and she says “I don't always dress like this I usually wear trousers and flat shoes” .. “ok bye”...lol

Crossdressing is important but unimportant in the grand scheme of things... How different would wives and gfs lives be if they didn't  / hadn't decided to stay with a man on the basis of him being a crossdressed occasionally.. silly when you think of it like this?

Give up the happiness and fun and times you've had together just because his escapism is dressing as a woman..

Again my wife is best placed to advise on to meet / see you crossdressed or not so hope she will comment or add a blog on here about it.

It may not be as bad as you think but you have to be psychologically prepared and so does the crossdresser.

You have to be mentally ready.. I'd love to read my wifes thought pattern the day she brought up a cuppa and met “Davina”

Also agree your wife has to be ready and needs to be the one to say lets see you dressed then … its such a deep and to an extent and due to society shameful secret ..

I've read a lot of women stating they wouldn't have married a man if he had told her he crossdressed or feel betrayed that a husband told a wife he crossdresses after marriage its another argghhh moment where you throw something special away because society and the way you're brought up to ridicule crossdressing and see it as a bad thing.. frustrating all round.

I used to feel my wife knowing but dressing without her knowing was in some way deceiving her then she wanted to know if / when I was going to dress so I'd text her I'm dressed as she would avoid me its all steps and process at some point comfort is found…

My wife went through denial, wanting nothing to do with it, not wanting to know if I'd dressed, wanting to know I'd dressed, asking if I was dressing, then meeting me dressed and girls night in (with wine lol she had Dutch courage first time) and now ok seeing me dressed working from home..

Levels of acceptance can grow can change can stagnate but agreements need to be made and talking or writing to eachoter is key.

We always want to talk about crossdressing to ease our wives worries but find it hard to broach the subject and then both clam up not knowing what to say I guess Katies is here and her wifes acceptance is do it but don't involve me the same as Sindy but looks like Emma has made the next step to a girls night in and a level of fun acceptance.

There are good reasons for the deception as we fear hurting or  wives and girlfriends and fear rejection above all.

Forums and websites for women can be scary as they read others opinions.. same here in my blog it's my opinion and I can only speak for myself really but good and bad advice can be given and the bad advice can really impact and make things a lot worse as can friends opinions on crossdressing as you gain someone elses view ie a best friend saying crossdressing is so wrong.. 2nd opinion from a friend can reinforce yours. But. Its based on society views not on the many reasons and explanations.

Crossdressing forums suck – I've had some terrible advice in forums and met some horrible people but also some very nice real women and some very nice trans people.

I take these forums with a pinch of salt as you type something and someone reads it different and all of a sudden you're in an argument with no real constructive outcome

I find  we're a niche form of crossdresser who as i've said before some trans people dont like.. or to my mind are jellous of us//..

Crossdressers  tick… look ok as women tick… wives accept us tick… Not propper trannies lol

Talking about dressing more openly and finding humour in it is good if you can reach this and for gods sake stop worrying about crossdressing!! it really isn't anything to worry about.

Easy for me to say I know x

The best forum is 1-2-1 crossdresser to wife or girlfriend.

Sindy and my wife, there is a sexual aspect to crossdressing it would be a lie to say there isn't a tun on involved.

Maybe it's hard to admit to our wives that we find it sexy to dress up and that we get turned on by it as you think its purely sex related.

Its lots of things, fun, stress relief, weird feeling of escapism and it can be a turn on after all stockings, high heels and lingerie is something we have a great affinity for and a turn on for us and if you wont wear these items we do and it has a sexy affect which is nice but 10 times better when our wives wear these items for us.

I've never proclaimed my crossdressing as  'it's an expression of my feminine side.' as I struggle to see I have a fem side (Can't admit it) nor 'it makes me more sensitive to women' as I'm a gentleman and always been sensitive to women I was brought up correct with respect for everyone and equality minded the fact I crossdress has zilch bearing on all this.

I don't feel girly!! its still me but more relaxed with great legs!!

So cool to read that Sindy in the Guestbook / Chat hasn't felt this at peace with her husband's cross dressing ever since chatting on here in our question and answer sessions.

It is amazing how talking back and forth like this, philosophising, analysing and open communication and adding in some humour does help and glad to see it is helping wives and girlfriends come to terms with Crossdressing.

The whole point of this blog for me is wanting to help fellow crossdressers and their partners see through the shock to some sort of acceptance and understanding… busting some popular myths.

It feels a bit like we're onto something in terms of “Crossdressing” and the trans spectrum and maybe we're discovering it may be outside the Trans world slightly as listen to this from Wikipeedia:

The LGBT community or GLBT community, commonly referred to as the gay community, is a loosely defined grouping of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT)..

Hold your horses now Wiki the “Gay community?” no no no no Trans has nothing whatsoever to do with the gay community.

Also on my own company website I read an article on LGBT within the business I work in where they described the T as being Trans ie people who feel they are the wrong sex and choose to live as the opposite sex which we accept in our business / company.. Woooh hold the horses again this isn't covering Crossdressing, this is covering something more serious than occasional Crossdressing.

It all backs up my view of Crossdressers being outside LGBT. So what is it wives worry about first?

Sexuality – So if we're outside LGBT as mere Crossdressers does that mean wives and girlfriends need not worry about sexuality? After all I don't see Trans as being part of LGB (sexualities) so Crossdressing being distanced from Trans isn't even on that agenda.

Once you stop worrying about sexuality and you realise crossdressing is just a bit of fun, a bit of kink, dressing up not a lot more and a coping mechanism for stress and your husband / boyfriend isn't chasing male attention and doesn't want a sex change all you have to worry about is your other half stretching your dress and laddering your tights.

Other people on the Trans spectrum will hate the above and tell me I'm not a propper Tranny… So what?!! I'm a crossdresser you don't understand it so don't judge it!!

RG Emma and her new image

I'm very jealous about Emma going shopping and changing her image and feeling fab for doing it – Well done Emma I bet your other half is over the moon..

It may not change his crossdressing but it may slow it down as it will be removing a chink of why he crossdresses having you more confident and happy and wearing things he likes to see you wearing and I don't mean to make that sound selfish from a crossdressers point of view but a part of why we dress is compensating for the fact when we get married our other halves make less effort as we've seen Sindy confess … Comfort tut tut lol.

Keep it up Emma nice to see you saying its making you feel better in yourself and nice to see you here taking part in the Blog xx

Understanding Crossdressing?

No one no matter how clever will ever really understand why we crossdress and it's not just covered by men as women crossdress too but you hear less about that as women can do this freely and no one would notice.

From time to time no doubt wives and girlfriends will find the subject a little upsetting but at least some will begin to make some sense of a lot of it and find it a big relief once the main fears are put to bed.

Maddona may have it right here – Liked her when younger and I suppose shes a pretty hot woman now too.. but she doesnt make my list.. :)

Madonna - “What it feels like for a girl” Lyrics
“Girls can wear jeans, And cut their hair short.
Wear shirts and boots 'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you What it feels like for a girl”

That does sum the view on crossdressing up for a point of view..

Being masculine is lauded in a woman especially in the business world or where men and women complete for jobs it somehow raises a womans status to be a director or an engineer whereas if a man is a nurse it makes other men chuckle (I don't see why)

Everyone laughs crossdressers because we're degrading ourselves by feminising ourselves?

I don't see it that way at all.

I'm this alpha male man and I like to unwind as a crossdresser but I'm not trying to degrade women or degrade myself just dressing different – We're all born equal just different xy chromosomes and you get nice boobs we get pecs (some get man boobs after a while lol my wife says I now have A cups :() and we have compatible private parts but apart from that we're no different as JFK said “We all breathe the same Air”

So I cringe when I hear the man v women argument but Alpha Male me does have to stick up for men but that's not my real belief my belief is in equality but I also believe women have more options and opportunities than men to be what they want. We're typecast from birth to be alpha males.

It does wind me up in the man v women argument however when women state they are hard done by or try to laud it over men as women can be just like men but then retreat back into “we're women you can't say that to us”.. Discrimination such a one way thing in a lot of instances as we see in politics at the moment but don't start me on politics as ill crash the internet.

Wider Acceptance for Crossdressers?

I would love for crossdressers to have more acceptance and if I could I would encourage people to understand crossdressing more but alas the world is not ready to understand crossdressing we're different we're outside the trans world to an extent as explained above Trans people don't want us and neither does the vanilla world.

I agree with Sindy that most crossdressers are in it for the sexual kick as its part of why I dress the sexy part of dressing ie we're wearing sexy lingerie which we're attracted to on women, stockings and heels and nice makeup and for me long blonde hair trying to make myself look convincing, attractive and sexy and I do feel sexy when fully transformed and it is a turn on, I get horny and … I'll spare the details of what I do when I feel horny as Davina.

Sindy is right - Half the fun is the taboo… It is exciting dressing others having no idea or the rush to get undressed before your wife comes home.. so many times I was dressed thinking I'll stay dressed and let her find me dressed up – my wife said she's so glad I didn't do that lol.
What exactly is so wrong with crossdressing being about sex?

To my mind nothing.. I dress up part of it is a turn on and I admit I get myself off on it but a big fantasy is to have sex with my wife dressed which sadly she says is never gonna happen so I have to accept that.. she says she isn't a lesbian which I take as a compliment.

I think the denial and even propaganda distancing the behaviour from sex is more associated with us crossdressers not wanting wives and girlfriends thinking we only dress for sexy reasons as there is the fun ad relaxation and stress release / escapism also but we distance dressing from us getting off on it or sex as we think on telling you we dress up then get off or want sex with our other halves dressed and you think “Perverts!”

It's been a few weeks since I last dressed up and I've allowed the stubble to grow and become a bit preoccupied with diet and fitness for a bit.. No time to work and get fit and crossdress.. No doubt crossdressing will benefit from a thinner me as I think I look better when I shed a few lbs as a man and as a woman so next time I dress having not done it for a while I know will feel nice and refreshed..

Not sure when I'll get the opportunity to dress. Still hoping for a girls night in with the wife and a dress up session and sort my dresses out but opportunity is rare to get baby sitters and do this.. nice cheap night in tho lol.

More questions and answers sessions

I don't feel cross dressing affects how I see myself as a man, it's just something I do which I don't think affects anything to do with me as a man.. In the same way as if I liked to dress up as something else other than a woman .. simple as that really..

Women as very attractive to me and femininity is preferable and a woman who makes an effort to look her best and as written about before dresses nice, nice makeup nice perfume hair done nice and preferably nice hosiery and heels.

An observation - Women can separate their very primal attraction to men from the attractiveness of others.

This is something women must posses which men 'switch off' I think as I can't tell if a man is attractive or not other than basing it on what I hear women say about certain actors or celebrities being good looking but I sometimes think “Really? Women are attracted the this man or that man”

I think most of us could easily acknowledge that a beautiful woman is more attractive than an average man, or a good looking man... I don't fancy men lol.

But women do feel the need to wear men's clothing, don't tell me you don't wear jeans or shirts or t shirts or shorts...all mens clothing or was until women took over and decided it was theirs too … Comfy clothes!! no longer in dresses and high heels etc lol

The point is there are womens clothes and there are mens clothes but women can wear either without an eyelid battered so there is no issue but there is an issue when a man wears womens clothes and this is called “inequality”.. but no one talks about it or calls it inequality as Crossdressing is weird right? … even though we have no idea how many men do it we don't kick up a fuss we hide it and feel guilty and in the grand scheme of the world how pathetic is it that something as silly as a man dressing as a woman is ridiculed and causes so much worry and angst..

I'm not annoyed by any of your questions so hope you didn't get that impression from the latest round of questions .. I rather find some questions a little amusing that women worry so much about their husband crossdressing or maybe I've had a lot of time to think about this and reflect on it and see women worry unnecessarily about something as simple as a man dressing different and presenting different if you can get your head around it that way.

So no you're not pushing buttons its still an enjoyable chatter..

Crossdressing is still a very big taboo.

Now Thats a good statement and I'll ask a question “Why do you think Crossdressing is so Taboo?”

I think its because no one understands it and Crossdressers get lumped in with the whole trans thing where as we've said and as Trans people have said Crossdressing is on the very outside of the Trans spectrum… WE dress up then we get undressed and return to male us and we prefer male us and don’t want to be women or remain dressed so are we Trans?

Yes we are by Latin definition but why is it so taboo? I have no idea.. It's ok to be a Transexual or it's ok to be Gay these days but a man in a dress who presents as a woman then returns back to acting and presenting as a man how dreadful!!

Life Defining?

I wouldn't say my Crossdressing is life-defining as Crossdressing has been a part of my life but in no way has it defined anything in my life as it's been under wraps and behind closed doors, very occassional (a few times per year) and now only my wife knows I Crossdress so it's hardly life defining – had I decided I wanted to be a woman full time now that would be life defining.

It's just a behaviour or a hobby or maybe a fetish and yes it often starts so small, with just a pair of mums tights, stockings, knickers, or a silky slip of some sort and it could have stopped I suppose but if you like / enjoy something why stop?

I enjoyed how it felt on my skin as a young kid and as I've said both batman and superman wore tights then as I got older and fancied women 10-15 years old it became a substitute for me not having a girlfriend wearing this sexy stuff still liking the feel and the effects it was having on me during puberty and I was getting off on it so why stop?

Now you've hit on something in the next sentence “You knew back then that it was weird, so why didn't you stop?” - I didn't think of it as weird as a 6,7,8,9,10 -15 year old but I probably hid I was doing it from about 10 onwards as it got more related to sex and to sexy lingerie and the marshall wards lingerie section in the catalogue and I was getting off on it not wanting to get caught masterbating whilst wearing stockings heels and a basque.. I didn't associate what I was doing with being Gay .. God that didn't ever cross my mind as I was thinking of women as I dressed to the point in my early 20s when I told my wife and she asked if I was Gay I was gobsmacked.. I'd never linked what I was doing with a sexuality other than me a straight guy dressing up and getting off on it.. and I never thought I was weird for dressing up it was just clothes deemed to belong to a woman..

I hid it but not because I thought it was wrong or weird more as I didn't want to get told off but I never thought it was wrong or weird as for all I knew everyone was doing it or I was the only person in the world doing it.. I just didn't think about it much as being weird or wrong..

Not the sort of thing you discuss is it “I was home alone last night so put on some sexy lingerie, fantasised about women I fancy and masturbated”

Did I enjoy being a rebel?

Yes and still do.. I like to think about things and challenge if I think something is wrong or if I can find a better way of doing something but never linked my crossdressing with being a rebel.

Did crossdressing make you more interesting?

Nope as no one knew I was doing it so how could it make me more interesting.. what made me interesting was I was the fastest over 100m in school and in the district / county, I played lots of sport and was liked at school that made me interesting .. crossdressing back then was occassional and for getting myself off.. then in latter life I went onto Uni stillplayed a lot of sport now i'm quite sucessful in work and other things which make me interesting as a person.

The Crossdressing doesn't come into it or define me in any way other than some escapism oh and the fact I have very sexy legs lol.

I guess it's very difficult for me and others to believe you put yourselves through all this taboo for a 'nice feeling'.  For an urge. Surely there must be more to it than this?

Nope its 'nice' what more can I say.. as above it used to get me off when I was younger and was I suppose a fetish but as I got into my 20s it became more a want to try to see if I could look convincing with makeup then a wig followed and telling my wife about it and the escapism happened.. there is a gradual thing with crossdressing I believe and some go further some do less and I am what and where I am and happy with this place as an occasional crossdresser.

I think people put too much thought into it with people telling me it must be a compulsion to be a woman (nope) or its an illness (nope) or its a fetish (nope not any more) its nothing much more than dressing up and it feels nice to transform and relax other than Alpha male stressed out me.. it really is as simple as that..

I can only speak for crossdressing and how I do it and why I do it and yes exactly everyone has been searching for some deep meaning behind crossdressing and there probably isn't one.. would I be weird if I liked putting on a suit of armour or dressing up as a wookee.. just happens when I dress up its as a woman.

The woman within

There is no woman within me .. if a Crossdresser feels obligated to preach about the 'woman within' they're either using that expression for want of a better way of telling someone why they crossdress or there really is a woman within and they are transvestites not crossdressers maybe...

Eureka!! Crossdressing is not always that complicated, despite people complicating it!

It just is. And to a Crossdresser, Crossdressing occasionally isn't an important part of their / our lives but it is to a certain level for that bit of escapism and fun. I mean to say if someone said to me what the most important things in your life:
1. My wife and kids
2. My extended family
3. Health
4. Welath
5. Job
6. Sport
7. Music
8. …. Crossdressing wouldn't make the list even though its an important factor in my life it's only a small insignificant thing important but insignificant.

I'm sure people think we crossdress every time we're home alone every chance we get but like I've said the urge comes and goes .. sometimes I dress as I have opportunity and don't enjoy it and take off the makeup etc other times I really could do with unwinding especially if I haven't dressed for a long time and work is building up stress levels then its so nice to unwind and dress up.. It can sometimes be a little repetitive and boring or as mentioned I have cultivated some nice designer stubble and I'm out on the weekend so won't dress as I don't want to shave as I never dress with a beard .. I only dress if I can be fully close shaved and fully dressed and made up.. Would I dress every day if I could.. Nope as I think I'd get bored of it but would give it a go for say a weekend if I could to see if I could live as “Davina”24/2 for two days and see how it felt..

Some boys will and probably have randomly tried on female clothes, may have got a kick out of it and you're right “The end”.. for others like me it may flick a switch of “I like this, it feels sexy and I'll do it again”... then it grows to “I wonder if I could look convincing”

I sometimes wonder what my wife would have said if I hadn't told her I'd crossdressed before and told her her dressing me triggered me wanting to dress more…

I don't know why very few can accept this reality that crossdressing or as you put it the “Davina Type Crossdresser” isn't a threat to a marriage or relationship, its just dressing up for fun, escapism, to see if I can look convincing, to unwind dressed up as something different other than Alpha man, to feel sexy and nice .. Nothing more than that.

Maybe its because crossdressing is lumped in with transexualism, transvestism (ie dressing full time), fetishistic crossdressing, drag queens etc and no one knows us men exist not worrying about our dressing, but keeping it secret knowing people don't / won't understand .. men who are alpha red blooded straight married fathers husbands and boyfriends who every now and then dress up as women to some extent but are happy to return to male mode until the urge takes us again to dress up.

It really is a strive to want to prove to people that we're not sinister or perverted we're just normal but have this unfair inequality thrust upon us due to the stigma on this sort of thing by the media and society as a whole and upbringing / stereotypical typecasting of what is a man and what does he do, how does he dress and behave and what is a woman and what does she do and how does she dress and behave..

1) Do you dress like the women you are attracted to?

We'll I have 4 wigs.. a long blonde one, short blonde bob, brunette and Red medium length.

Why 4 wigs? Just to see what suits me best, can I pull off looking like a Brunette (fascinating how you have to change makeup styles and colours depending on hair colour), how do I look as a retro red head? Etc.

I'm usually in the long blonde one and one of my crushes is Holly Willoughby another is Gaby Yorath.. but there are so many Celeb crushes, Amanda Holden, Cindy Crawford, Shiana Twain, Sandra Bullock…

I wouldn't say I dress as the woman I'm attracted to (I have no hope of looking like Holly or Amanda… Gabby does sometimes look a little manly tho lol ).

I don't try to emulate a certain woman but do take note of how women do their makeup and try to replicate it if I think it will suit me but I dress like the best I can look as a woman and for me I'm blonde so going blonde works and I like women with longer hair and between me and my wife we picked the long blonde curly wig off ebay and its the one which suits me.

She's seen me in all 4 wigs and says the long blonde one is the best on me.

Makeup wise I don't overdo it and look like a drag queen, I think and my wife will contest I don't do a bad job with makeup not OTT which must be ok as she's asked me to do her makeup.

I don't think I dress like the women I'm attracted to as see above Holly (blonde), Sandra (Brunette) Shania (Red head)..

2) Why do many of us hoard huge amounts of women's clothing?

Well my dresses etc are dresses my wife has discarded and put in black bags for charity shops and I check and intercept them if I think I'd like to try them on or wear them when I dress so I have hoarded quite a few.

As I've said in my blog the next opportunity I get to dress with my wife as a “Girly night in” which we've had a few times I plan on bringing everything down and have a sort out… There is little opportunity for a sort out and I think modelling the dresses as “Davina” for my wife will be fun for us both making the decision what stays and what goes and I expect her to claim quite a few back.

I have my stock outfits I like to wear so it should be easy to whittle my girl wardrobe down to a few dresses.

There is also the need to have a few options on style as like women sometimes we feel the need to glam up as if we were going on a night out and sometimes its just a need for something casual.

Incidentally I have far more male clothes than my wife has female clothes so unrealted to crossdressing I don't like throwing clothes out unless they no longer fit as I'm no 30 inch waist any more unfortunately.

There is nothing at all fetishistic about having hoards of clothes (I have lots of male clothes so what's the difference?) and I also don't think women who have lots of shoes have a fetish as like you said fetish is not about sex - it's about the power an object or behaviour is perceived to have over a person – So why does my wife have about 100 handbags?

Crossdressers aren’t at all obsessed with collecting women's items, we may collect them but as I've done with some of the discarded dresses I've tried some on and then they've gone back in the charity bag as they didn't suit me.

3) Do you think we see ourselves clearly?

Yes I personally see myself clearly and like most men have some insecurities about myself but Alpha Man does not allow these insecurities to surface.

I do think I look prettier when dressed but then I am a man and see beauty in the female image not the male image. Sometimes if I mess up my makeup I don't feel as nice.

I mean to say I can't really look at a bloke and say he's good looking or not for example my wife thinks Jamie Oliver is a good looking chap and I think he's ugly (what do you think?).. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If I'm clean shaved I don't think much of myself as a bloke looks wise but with a bit of stubble I feel better looking which is maybe not what you may expect of a crossdresser?

I sometimes don't crossdress if I feel my stubble is the right length or if I'm going out as a man somewhere with friends or colleagues I'll not shave therefore I won't dress either.

4) Do I see the 'woman' in the mirror seen objectively'

My wife says I look ok and you may say she has to say that but would hope she would only say that if she meant it. She has told me I could probably pass in public.

The Skype chat with the wife she also said I looked good as a woman and there's no reason she'd have to say that as I asked for an honest opinion.

I also have photos in a trans website and have had comments saying I look nice which is nice for the vanity within.

So I think I can look nice as a Woman.. and I like what I see in the mirror when I have time to look my best as “Davina”

Does it matter though if a man looks really convincing or sexy as a woman as you see some women and wonder what the hell they are wearing or what they think they look like so its all relative.

I think I look ok as a woman but would look better if my nose was smaller and straight as it's been broken playing sport a few times and the last few times I've not bothered having it straightened but I'm not going out to see if I can pass, so happy the way I can look even with a kink in my nose.

I think we are realistic enough to know if we look ok or not and also realistic to know that we can only look as convincing as possible but only a small percentage can really pass as a woman. Some Crossdressers look amazing and you'd never guess.

I don't pretend to think I'm the prettiest girl in town but I know I look ok as “Davina”

If a wife thinks her husband looks like a clown but wants to have some part in his dressing then why not tell him straight he looks ridiculous and help him dress and help him look better, but then of course like a kid in a sweet shop the crossdresser may take advantage of this and want to dress more often and this is where the rules between you like a crossdressing contract come into play.

5) Do I think crossdressers become more obsessed with dressing when life is difficult/dull/busy etc?

Well when I started dressing my life was simple I was around 6 years old and liked the feel, then as I've said dressed more sexy as I became more enlightened to sexy women etc so it became a fetish I suppose but as life has gone on I have progressed to dressing more to look convincing and to unwind.

I'm not sure this can be all because of life difficulties, dull or busy as its also because of opportunity meaning I have more opportunity to explore trying to look convincing and relaxing dressed now than I have in the past having to hide my crossdressing.

It is as I've stated many times my escapism and my way to unwind from the stress of work and of being “Alpha Man” all the time so a part of my dressing is fuelled by life being difficult (stress), dull and busy but this is only part of the pie chart of why I dress.

We don't disappear into our own little worlds where we believe we are pretty women.

I'm still me but inexplicably a more relaxed me when I crossdress.. Maybe in the past sport gave me a lot of this relief allowing me to unwind and be aggressive playing sport and getting a thrill out of being good at sport, scoring goals, trys, taking wickets scoring runs taking a diving catch etc  which now I'm 40 I no longer have.. ie I can't perform to the best of my ability as I used to so it's not as enjoyable.

I need to get fit and find a 5 a side football session again but my ankles and knees are in pain after an hour of football these days due to thousands of miles ran on concrete as a younger man.

Crossdressing for escapism and stress relief has to an extent again only part of the pie chart why I dress taken over this part of my release mechanism.

It can be self therapy as you can read on the internet in a search on crossdressing a few doctors have commented that crossdressing can be a form of stress relief which even they cannot explain but best summed up by one doctor as “an inexplicable pill free form of stress relief for men”

Maybe some of us do need therapy but I'd suggest this would be for the crossdresser feeling immense guilt and denial of his need and urge to crossdress to the left of the “Davina type crossdresser” or those who want or need to go further to the right.

6) Is crossdressing a form of therapy discovered as a kid?

No as when I was a kid Crossdressing was more the fetish of wearing sexy lingerie I wished I could get my hands on a woman wearing.

I was too busy being a boy playing sport, playing Army, playing star wars etc but would when the rare opportunity let me try on stockings and lingerie and heels and get myself off.

It wasn't a distraction from other things it was the shy younger man getting himself off simple as that.

Crossdressing from 10 – late teens I'd say became a bit of sexy fetishy fun.. Exams, school etc didn't stress me out so dressing wasn't for that and monsters under the bed lol I've never been afraid of bumps in the night.

In my 20s dressing was rarer living with my GF who became my wife and dressing almost stopped then the curiosity came back in what's in her knicker draws and wardrobe what would they feel like on etc then stress came into it in my late 20's with stress of work and other things and crossdressing became stress relief to an extent… plus better opportunity to dress wife knowing and more clothing wigs and accessories available became more fun and a challenge to try to look convincing and just relax.

Relaxing crossdressed is pretty rare as I'm usually working whilst crossdressed once per month at home s my only opportunity.

7) Hairy chests v Shaved chests

Listen “Hairy chests are rank” this is nothing to do with crossdressing either that or the majority of men in the UK, US and elsewhere are crossdressers.

Here's the honesty – I don't want to look like an ape!!

8) Crossdressers clearly don't see themselves the way other men see themselves?

What? We've explored the “Normal” and I'm normal, we've explored the Alpha Male who crossdresses and I'm one of them too… so how do Crossdressers see themselves different compared to other men?

Maybe we have more empathy for women? Maybe we have crossdressing as a release other men go to the pub or whatever?

I think I can look attractive as a man but usually when I'm stubbly and when I've dieted and got fit (usually in the summer) and feel nice in myself.

We've already explored why I think I look more attractive as a woman because I see attractiveness in women not men, as simple as that, no self perception glitch.

9) Do attractive men (whatever they look like) really make themselves look lees attractive as a woman…

Back to Lili Elbe (Eddie Redmayne)  does he not look ok as a man and a woman? I suppose this depends on if you think the actor is good looking? Others who have played women in movies such as Jared Leto, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemon, Stephen Dorf, Patrik Swaze, Wesley Snipes, Martin Lawrence, Jude Law, Jonny Depp, Guy Pearce even Adam Sandler good looking men? Who look ok as women?

10) Did I grow up not feeling attractive as a boy?

I don't think so.. I was too involved in sport and too shy to ask girls out but knew girls liked me though thought I was a big head but I got asked out quite a lot just not by the girls I wanted to ask me out so I knew I was attractive and clever and witty but when you're young you also say the wrong things hence I gave the impression I was a big head and arrogant things girls don't like.. It was all a front.

I remember plucking up courage to ask a girl I fancied to a disco at the rugby club walking home from school talking to her and as I was about to ask her bang a friend of mine catches me up and the Alpha kicked in and I didn't ask her.. What an idiot lol.

11) Did you think girls were more attractive than boys?

Of course girls are more attractive than boys I'm straight and love the female image ..

12) If so, do you still think this way? For the record, straight women LOVE the way men look.

Yes – it's part conditioning and part beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

I'm attracted to women and my wife is attracted to men and I don't expect her to be attracted to “Davina”

Yuck                                                     

                                                                                                               Tidy

Back in the 70's and 80s the hairy chest was in, Sean Connery, Magnum PI, Tom Jones lol 

To have a shaved chest was thought to be homosexual in what I'm reading on the internet from back then…

How things have changed in the last 15-25 years.

So widespread is body shaving/waxing with men today. Why do so many men shave their chests now?

Because, it shows off muscle definition.

Now that metrosexuality is pretty much “normal,” men think nothing of wanting to be sexy.

And what’s the point of going to the gym religiously and making an effort to always look our best if our muscles are covered in wiry hair, so we shave that chest fur off.

There is a resurgence in cultivated fashion beards which I grow myself and think makes me more attractive as a man and I may not shave my face for 2-3 weeks at a time but shave my chest and the Party Zone a few times per week.

The smooth chests on the British Lions squad enjoying a group swim on the beach a few years ago caused a stir in some circles, perhaps because rugby used to be a sport for hairy beer monsters and “real men.” But since it went “pro” a while back, that has all changed. “Rugby player build” used to be a skinny or fat but now it tends to mean “ripped” — professional rugby players are living the Men’s Health dream with their own personal dieticians and fitness trainers getting modeling contracts for Dove and the like.

However, in terms of sexuality it inis interests me to read that the tables have turned in the sexuality stakes as gay men have been re-fetishing body hair lately.

It reads that gay men like their men to be men and that in fact, quite a few gay men these days seem to want to present themselves as the hairy, beer-monster, real-men of yesteryear.

So onto my thoughts – I have always shaved my chest.. It has nothing to do with my Crossdressing as if I dressed or not I would still shave my chest for the very reasons above, muscle definition and how much more attractive I feel having cultivated myself to feel fresh and not itchy and scratchy and sweaty.

Yes it helps with the Crossdressing as you dont want to make all that effort with makeup and heels to wear a low cut dress and have a brillo pad where you should have cleavage.

Form my guestbook I see one of the wives sees the shaving as a reminder of crossdressing and would prefer her husband to be hairy.. I beg to differ as if he let his hairy chest grow he'd be gay lol… sorry I can't take this seriously..

We've had some good chat recently and it has hit home to me more not what we want our women to be but more what our women want us to be and they don't mind telling us where we bottle it up and moan to ourselves that they wont wear stockings and heels in the bedroom or wear flats not heels or trousers not a dress as we will get the scorn and have to cook our own dinner lol and sleep on the setee… and the gardening is still ours they havent taken over that yet.. cos its too hard work.. we will soon be fetching them their pipe and slippers and having their dinner ready when they come home from work lol

I'm so glad to read a wife saying the question and answers are beyond helpful.

To the wife - “Is your husband reading all this?”

It may be helpful to him also knowing the questions you're answering and the answers I'm giving no matter how hard it is to talk about he can give a nod or a yep or even comment back on here with us as I find when its hard to talk about its easier to write about and then you hit send and its out there.

I wish I knew how to enable comments under each blog… then all this chat would be in one place.

I've gone over this many times in the blog but back 10 years ago married and in our own home the wife out of the blue asked if she could put makeup on me and I eventually agreed and also got dressed up and there I was stood in front of her as “Davina” pre wig availability and pre “Davina” really and she said “Wow you look like a woman”, complimented my legs etc and I openly admitted I've crossdressed before.. This led to the cold shoulder and it was so hard to bring up and talk about it so I wrote it all down..

Maybe I wrote too much getting a life time of crossdressing off my chest and onto her more than ample bossom lol.. the fact we all start by trying on our mothers things etc and wore her things understandably causing her to think I'm a weirdo… Anyway we progressed through the ages to what we have now and I learnt a lot on the way.. Maybe I could have said as I was stood there made up by her in a black dress lingerie stockings and heels “wow I feel amazing you've turned me into a Crossdresser”.. I wonder how she would have taken it differently if I’d lied and said her dressing me up flicked a switch in me and I wanted to do it again….. but I told the truth.

Why is it so hard to talk to your husband? Why do we all clam up?

You can ask the questions to your husband that you're asking here but you're right it may feel a little
....weird and one or the other of you will clam up. 

We went through years of this with my wife saying “I don't know how you want me to react or what you want me to say”.. She must have had similar questions loaded in her brain but too scared to ask them through her fear of upsetting me (which would be hard to do) and my answers could upset her but as you can hopefully see there isn't anything scary in this.. Not in our position on the “Trans” spectrum anyway.

The Davina Type Crossdresser

Have you made up a new label? “The Davina type crossdresser”, how very proud I am to have a label of a type of Crossdresser named after me and how much it will upset some in the trans community who don't like me or the “Davina type crossdresser” lol..

I can't help it if it's fun and escapism and as the Joker would say “Why so Serious”… But for a lot of Trans people to the right of “the Davina type crossdresser” it is a lot more serious so I shouldn't make jokes ..

You also hit it on the head when you said your husband doesn't take it too serious but you do as you are worrying about this too much and I hope via our correspondence you will worry less.

Also nail hit head – We get perplexed at our better halves confusion with us crossdressing and Wives / Girlfriends are perplexed why we're not confused about your confusion … We do worry though and feel guilt for putting you through this.... In the same vane we're perplexed why you don't put on the foundation, blusher, eye makeup and lippy and a nice dress and you're perplexed why we want to lol. - that ol chestnut again “comfort” pah!!

What do wives think we're thinking? I think a lot think we do this to attract men and we've already said that's not true of us but we know it is true of others.

Myself and your husband no doubt contemplate what outfits to wear and see outfits in shops and think I'd love to try that on and see women out and about wearing things we'd like to wear (that's why we look at women lol we're not really thinking pfworrr…. well sometimes we are as we are red blooded men after all despite having seriously sexy legs in Stockings and heels) but not so as to better attract men (yuck) it's to look nice for ourselves and attempt to look convincing.

A message to other wives is you may have this fear about your partner dressing to attract men as some do but most don't and this isn't blackmail but those who do are usually the ones who's wives reject them. That may sound like I'm saying “ACCEPT HIS CROSSDRESSING or he'll go off with a man!!” that isn't what I'm saying I'm saying have an open mind about crossdressing and think of the bigger picture in terms of 1-10 what’s the worst thing he could be and where is dressing as a woman on that scale and how much in control of it is he and how far to the right is he as once you put crossdressing into the vertical 1-10 of worst things he could be doing then theres the left to right trans spectrum from trying on womens clothes through to “I am Cait”

Does dressing as a woman have him thinking like one?

What are you afraid of? Lol.. I'm sure dressing as a woman gives us a small percentage insight of what it's like to be a woman (Small %) yes and we can easily multitask… when we want to… but I just think as me although of course we fret over makeup, and probably other girl type thoughts when dressed fussing with our fringe and the like..

Men using tampons

NO NO NO…. NO!! That is all

My Sanity

I'm over the moon to read you typing that I'm sane.

You're right the media and society leads women to have ideas and images of crossdressing which can really mess with your heads!

Fem behaviours

I mentioned fem behaviours but don't think I actually do mince about as Davina maybe I just relax more when dressed alone than I do when in front of my wife dressed.

I've never tried to put on a high voice to sound fem as don't talk to anyone apart from my wife oh and the wife I chatted to on Skype which you scolded me for but I didn’t talk to her I typed.

I think my wife is relieved that I'm not a drag queen or ultra camp (I think it surprised her that first time she saw me fully dressed to see I looked casual and quite convincing) and when she sees me dressed she sees me as a guy presenting as a woman and acting as I usually do but somehow and this still puzzels me nicer to her.

So yes it makes sense for you to prefer to see your husband when he presents as a woman  as being  himself not him acting like he's someone else or trying to act like a woman,,, for this see Eddie Redmyne in the Danish Girl as his wife gets freaked out to see Lile Elbe start crossdressing sees a fun element to it until Lili takes up a character as Lili at which point it all went down hill for me and I lost interest and it veers off to the right of the Trans Spectrum rapidly.. to a very sad ending..

Have you seen the Danish Girl?.. It's ok to a point then goes beyond the “Davina Type Crossdresser”.. to a piont where it made me think do I want my wife seeing this and wondering if i'd be like that – I know you're reading this (my wife) and I'm at my limit of crossdressing and have no intention of doing anything further.

Majority / Minority, Trans Labels and Trans bickering..

You may be right in stating we're not really Trans and a lot of Trans people would say horah   kick them off the Trans spectrum as for some reason we're the pariahs of the Trans world only one step above what they term “Hairy Panty Wearers”.. I won't elaborate.. google it lol.. and I don't want to seem like I'm putting them down as lots of men may just try on lingerie and not shave or try to look convincing etc.

The loudest voices in trans forums are definitely the extreme-end.

The private, less serious crossdresser is under-represented as lots are in the wardrobe.. cupboard and closet lol -We are very covert and occasional and have to be as for years we hide this as our deep sexy secret.

We would make great international spies! I have thought that I would love to be a policeman undercover as Davina lol “You're nicked me old Beauty”

How much in common do I really have with Caitlyn Jenner other than a love of female attire?

Well there's Sport, Jenner was an athlete so was I back in the day and love sport but Caitlyn went the whole hog, and like in the Danish Girl waaaay past me on the trans spectrum.

So we have little in common in terms of dressing as women as Cait is now a Woman or a Trans Woman or whatever she wants to be called.

I do agree with some of her political thinking.

We have a few episodes to watch so maybe we'll cwtch up on the setee and watch them tonight (me and my wife that is not you lol and a cwtch is Welsh for a cuddle only better “As its WELSH” lol)

I am enjoying the rest day off work and I'll blog about something else in a min from last night and this morning..

I'm sure some questions my wife has wondered about have featured in our correspondence and I know she feels weird talking to me about Crossdressing which I wish could be easier and I'm sure she wishes the same. Maybe reading some of this will help us both communicate better.

My blog is turning into an anonymous 'Ask a Crossdresser' forum (I'm sure your name isn't wife!! Imagining your husband calling out “Wife bring me my dinner!”, “Hello wife did you have a good day?” “Wife Wife do we need any milk!!!” lol) – I understand if you don't want to tell us your name for anonymity but I can assure you my name isn't Davina.. lol

There is also an 'Ask the Wife' on my blog in the form of the wifes guestbook / chat which I notice she's been in answering lately “Yay!”

The whole Idea of my blog as well as therapeutic for myself is to help others.

Anyway I got home and crashed on the setee then at 07:00 as the kids got up I went to bed for some Zzzzzzzzzz and woke at 09:00 and it was nice to have the house to myself and no work to do (lots of work to do but its a rest day) I went downstairs, ablutions lol and had a nice bubble bath and a shave then dried clicked on the kettle and went back upstairs to get changed then thought .. What shall I wear..

I have options shall I dress as a Man or dress as a Woman?

This is nice .. I decided to dress as a Woman ..,,. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to dress how you felt and liked to dress every day?

Further to this I though heed the wife in the guestbook and dress casual.. Not in a dress not in sexy clothes just casual so I had a bit of a try on (Sorry wife tried on a few of your things) like how would I look in leggins, yes they're ok, Jeans and a fem top.. yes looked ok but had stockings and heels on with them but felt nice to be dressed even more casual than normal.

I still prefer to be in a dress when crossdressed but it was nice to dress different, more day to day woman and lucky enough I can just about get into my wifes shoes and ankle boots which made a change from 5 inch heels…. So I had a bit of reflection on dressing to pass and look convincing between 9 and 10:30 then de-femmed and decided to update the blog and have breakfast and watch the football I recorded.

I will have to plan that girls night in somehow and bring all my Crossdrerssing things down which I'm sure my wife will reclaim half of as I try them on and rationalise the amount of dresses I have up the attic to a managable number which suit me when crossdressed.

My wifes spoken about makeup lessons for herself and over the last few days I've seen a few youtube videos so put some into practise with foundation and powder blusher angle etc and I think today was the bet I've ever done my make up but what a waste of makeup as I was only dressed for an hour and a half or so then back to male me urge suppressed.

I do need some new foundation and powder so will have to go bargain hunting in Tesco or Asda makeup sections see if any offers are on ….

Urge quelled

SO yesterday I worked form home and was also due to work a night shift so I broke the rules and didn't get in 12 hours rest “slap on the wrist” but it is nice to work the occasional night shift in work to see some reality instead of the computer screen and other managers and Engineers faces in constant meetings and briefings..

We had a few experts out with us last night trialing some kit, one of them being a woman who chatted to me throughout the night about the kit, the job and work and I paid little attention to her other than this and the fact she was in her 50's quite attractive and we're all in bright personal protective gear and she was made up the the 9s with makeup done very astutely for a trip out on site in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. i thought nothing of it other than she likes to look her best.

It was only when we got back to the office and a colleague said that she had been flirting with me all night to which I said when how where did you get that notion and he said we all noticed it … well I didn’t I just thought she was interested in the job.. so apparently I don't notice flirting any more lol but nice to be fancied if that’s what did happen and they’re not pulling my leg.

“We thought she was going to ask you back to her hotel” - Yeah right.. as if... Must have been the designer stubble and my technical knowledge oh and my sexy accent lol
 

1) Why do crossdressers love the idea of going out in public?

I've crossdressed all my life behind closed doors and curtains.. it can be boring and a bit repetitive  but I accept that's how it has to be for me with my wifes acceptance.

I've not ventured out in public other than being out the back garden in the pitch black of winter dressed to cool down and once put the bins out whilst dressed again in the pitch black of night .. then realised we have a street light by us but did it anyway as the bins had to go out.

I have discussed the “going out” thing with my wife.. I'm sort of of the mind it might be nice to be out of the house crossdressed if I was convinced I could pass as a woman without too much attention and if I did go out it would be dressed so not to have any attention.

My wife is dead against this so it will never happen.

I'm quite happy being a stay at home crossdresser but if some form of opportunity arose like a fancy dress where men had to go as women I'd go for it but would soon be sussed as having dressed before I expect. Lol.

My wife is scared someone would recognise me or recognise her.

The only time I would go out is with her blessing and with her but I can take it or leave it.
It isn’t important for me to go out as Davina.

My Wifes friends (they're my friends too) when we have a girly night out and they invite me as the only bloke and I have joked about me joining them as “Davina” not that they have any inkling I dress but was just a joke .. a joke in which I told them I was a crossdresser knowing full well they'd not believe me… they laughed, I laughed my wife didn't so much lol she called me a smart arse knowing I was telling them the truth about my crossdressing also knowing they’d not believe a word of it.

Conversely to what I've written some Crossdressers do go out to attract men … believe it or not there are some Bisexual and some Gay men who crossdress and they fancy men and there are men who call themselves “Admirers” who fancy men dressed up and women and what they get upto is their own business lol … Nothing to do with us straight Crossdressers.

2) Stats  showing 10% do but the other 90% think about it but don't.

It can't be an easy thing to do step out of the front door or hotel as a Crossdressed man.

Those that do it I count as quite brave or don’t give a damn what people think but the majority ie the 90% it may be something they want to do but circumstances prevent them going out dressed and for some they are happy being at home dressed but the idea of being out dressed may have some little attraction as something to experience.

My blog questionnaires point to the majority reading this blog dress at home behind closed doors.

However it is incredibly reverse sexist to deny a man being able to dress as a woman the kind of way if I say something to a certain race then I'm a racist but anyone can call me Taff or say something about Welshmen and sheep.. that’s not racist (although it is) as we're intelligent to think nothing of it.. in the same way if a man says something about a woman he’s sexist but women can more or less say anything about men… but we cant crossdress in public.

My company has a trans policy so in theory I could declare myself trans in work and go in as Davina but why would I want to do that as my crossdressing is a personal thing.

3) Public outings as sexily dressed female personas would likely involve attention from other men. You're not gay, so why?

You're mixing crossdressing with sexuality a little.. If I was to go out crossdressed which the odds say are 5 billion to 1 that I’d do it I’d dress nice and try my best to look convincing and if someone chatted me up or said I looked nice it would be a nice compliment and I'd say thankyou.. If a man made some sort of advance on me and tried chatting me up my sexuality hasn't changed I'd say “You do know I'm a bloke don't you?!” and if he said yes it would intrigue me and I'd probably chat to the guy trying to work out his motivation to want a man dressed as a woman but it would be clear he's got no chance with me and if he did try anything I’d likely break both his legs lol.

We don't dress to attract anyone we dress for ourselves this is a popular misconception that we dress to attract people “We don't”

4) Will you tell your kids?

There are no plans to tell the kids that Daddy isn't actually Batman when he disappears into the Bat cave.. He's Davina instead.. I don't see why they need to know but also I won't shelter them from the topic of crossdressing… Now I have you confused you no longer believe I am Batman so my cover is not blown phew.

We've had discussions on “Why is that man wearing makeup? And why has he painted his nails”…(Eddie Izzard)  “What's wrong with that? It's only makeup”… “Yes I suppose so” and “Is that a man dressed up as a woman?”… “Yes is there anything wrong with that?” … “No I suppose not but its a bit weird isn’t it”… “I suppose so but it's only clothes”… “True” .. Kids are pretty switched on and intelligent to new things which makes the future brighter for crossdressing men.

If I did tell them and we have no plans to let them know I crossdress it would only be if they somehow found out.. I wouldn’t tell them to make it easier for me to dress.

I will find it hard as my kids gain more freedom as they get older so I will be back to grabbing opportunity to dress or when away with work will dress.

5) What were your parents like?

Both are retired, both worked, Dad had a job taking him all over the UK and worked nights and weekends for years but he spent all the time he could with us as kids and we wanted for nothing.

I was brought up to think and speak my own mind and to be fair and just and always taught to do well in school and get a good job etc and I know they are very proud of me and I'm proud of them.

Nothing at all unusual about my upbringing pretty normal and very sporty.. there you go good family and parental structure and heavily involved in running, rugby, football, cricket and any other sport I could get involved with and yet I crossdress go figure..

I don't think the way you are brought up has any bearing for me but it may do for others.

6) Do you envy women?

No I don't envy women but I do love women and the female form and womens fashion and image.

I don't try to be a better woman than real women I don't even consider that as a thought that's ever passed my mind. I dress for myself and try to look as convincing as possible for myself.

Not an ounce of envy, anger or rejection…

7 ) There's a lot of vanity and photo showing in the lifestyle.

I have a few pics of myself on a trans website and it's nice when people add a comment to say you look nice.

Its no different to any other site .. I'm on twitter and have photos of my male self and also on facebook and Linkedin with photos of male me so makes sense that if I'm on a trans website that I'd have photos of me in my trans mode / crossdressed / as “Davina”

There is some vanity to it as everyone likes a bit of praise for doing a good job at looking ok as a crossdresser.. even better if someone says you look really convincing or that you could pass as a woman.

Nothing more than that really… We're a vane lot.

Hope this answers the questions…

Carry on… lol …. NEXT!!

Would I agree I'm a 'normal' guy?

YES – I'm more than a normal guy or bloke.. I did well at school and in sport, was popular and I went onto College and Uni studying Engineering and got my degree  then went on and got a good job and have been promoted to quite a senior level with a lot of respect and responsibility which can impact on a lot of peoples lives if I get something wrong, which leads to some of the stress I feel (which is mainly due to reorgs and having less staff to do more work etc).

I met my wife at 19 when she was 18 and we got married in 2001 we then went on to have kids..

All sounds very normal to me, in fact I'm a family man, would rather go out with my wife and kids, or a rare opportunity at a date with my wife, or as couples than with the boys, although it is nice sometimes to be out with just the blokes (but I always think I'm glad I'm not single)…

House, Car, need to lose a bit of weight and get fit again, love movies and music and singing .. just a normal bloke.. “above average at most things a natural born leader and dashingly good looking, …. with a dry sense of humour” lol but very normal…

People in work have described me as professional, honest, trustworthy, intelligent, funny, caring, friendly, but also arrogant, big head, typical alpha male … Those come from workshops in work where people have described me and the latter from the wife lol.. I haven't been on many stag dos as don't think a lot about this “last bit of freedom before getting married nonsense but the one I went on I ended up holding the kitty as they all voted me the most trustworty, honest and most reliable lol.

For a bit of fun, escapism, and a release from the Norm of being a normal man with a stressful job .. I like to and have for years do a spot of occasional crossdressing and enjoy trying to look convincing and for those few hours its not a split personality it's still me but as my wife has noticed a more relaxed, calmer and she says nicer me… which despite all the above .. and I could be described as the above to an audience and then at the end they say a thoroughly good guy and then I say “but I'm a crossdresser” and all of a sudden I'm a weird gay pervert, who wants to be a woman and that is sooo far off the mark its unbelievable.. but alas that’s the sociality view of Crossdressers.

I'm that normal no one would EVER think I'd be a crossdresser. My wife said “It's just not you” but it is.

I am Normal and for all we know every man on the planet crossdresses but they're all n the closet lol.

You shouldn't let your husbands crossdressing alter how you view him overall at all.

He is still the same person you met and fell in love with… If he liked Starwars and liked to dress up as Dart Vader or other characters would you still view him differently?

Can you shed the thought of OMG he's dressing up as a woman and like my wife thinks of it as he's dressed up? Fancy dress even?

It's social conditioning which causes the “shock and awe” of men dressing as women which inversely women can dress openly as men .. you don't see us kicking up a fuss lol ..we'll actually we do as we sulk because our women aren't in stockings or tights dresses, sexy lingerie and high heels with their hair nice and makeup immaculate… As we've previously discussed we have this image of how we like women to look and dress (our social conditioning) and as more and more women dress more masculine and for “comfort” and make less effort with makeup etc we may see a revolution of more men reaching out to crossdressing to some degree or another for the myriad of reasons why we crossdress.

We have no idea how many men crossdress and to what degree but my gut feel is more and more are crossdressing in secret… I suppose the answer may be within search engines and trans website membership if I could get the figures I’m willing to bet there is an upward trend.

Your husband still is a funny, smart, professional, educated amazing man what he wears and if he pretends to be a woman has no bearing on this.

You wont know this but part of what you were attracted to is his “fem side” which we men hate to admit that we have buried within us but my research into crossdressing and my own crossdressing leads me to believe we do have a fem side or maybe some trait of femininity we picked up from our mothers as our fathers we're telling us to go back and smack that bully on the nose or get out there and play rugby etc.

I don't and I bet he doesn't have some female personality spinning at all times our heads as we're crossdressers that is all we don't want to go any further than that although it is easier in thought and in conversation to talk of me or your husband being crossdressed in this 3rd person .. Eg  Saying to my wife Davina would love those high heels.. That's not me weirdly talking of myself in some weird personality its just a way of dealing with the communication.. Davina to me isn’t this other person with long sexy legs and flowing blonde hair and red lips lol Davina is just the name I use for the sake of having a name to describe me when crossdressed and I'm sure your husband is the same.

“He says I look nice, I don't believe him and figure he wants to wear it”

NO NO NO NO NO!! You're soooo wrong and you should take even more notice of him if he tells you you look nice as he's a bloomin expert.

OK he may be thinking I'd love to try that on and also probably thinking I wish I looked as good as her.. but take heed We Crossdressers have an eye for fashion and if we say you look nice its as simple as that you look nice.. very nice..

He isn't jealous that you're an attractive girl, in fact he's probably more than over the moon he's got an attractive girl on his arm.. however maybe he does resent which is a strong word but you've already admitted that maybe you don't make so much effort and go more for comfort over sexy and he may resent and be confused by this..  I know I am with my wife as I'd like to see her in dresses more often and all made up and in high heels not all the time but more often.

When she does I'm like a dog on heat actually I'm usually like a dog on heat but more so when she's made the effort to dress up nice (how I perceive nice) and made the time to do her hair and makeup and slip on heels etc..

Ask him outright “Are you jealous of the way I look?” He may say yes I'd love to be able to look like you …. but from time to time when he's crossdressed as we strive to look convincing and attractive and nice when we “transform” but it won't be some deep seated jealousy thing which I think you're angling at.

If he looks attractive as a Crossdressed man do you feel Jealous?

It doesn't annoy me one iota that my wife is a pretty female and I'm not as I'm a man and love women and the fact the one on my arm is pretty sexy is pretty cool.

It hasn't ever crossed my mind, I've never thought about things in this way ever or ever been the slightest annoyed that I cannot look as pretty and as fem as my wife… My wife is sexy (tho she wont admit it) boobs to die for (lol), long legs (which she doesn't show off enough for my liking), lush lips, nice hair, grabbable bum lol and is such a nice person..

The frustration or annoyance is women become mothers and wives and us men become Dads and husbands but we're the same we wear the same things, do the same things but women change and head to wards “comfort!!!”.

Do I think differently once I start crossdressing?

Well.. um not really .. There is this excitement that builds up when I feel I will be able to crossdress and butterflys in the stomach always.

Then I get the place to myself and get ready and slip into something “more comfortable” as they say and put on makeup and enjoy seeing myself getting transformed from “Alpha man” into Leggy blonde “Davina” with the piestaresistance the wig which goes on last brushed and then a look in the mirror “Et Voilla” Transformed from stressed out Alpha man to chilled out Crossdressed me.. Hard to explain but as my wife will contest I'm still cheeky chappy me just dressed differently and somehow nicer to her (so she says).

But I don't think differently .. Usually I get dressed when working from home then back to work on the laptop and phone and phone conference lol (long story but I was briefly on a video conference as Davina by mistake .. very briefly which I've blogged about.. I didn’t realise my new work laptop had a camera and in Webex it would come on automatic in the settings lol what a shock .. but I did get some nice comments and no one sussed me lol).

Is Davina another person talking in my head?

Sorry and I couldn't help it but I really did laugh out loud reading that.. No Davina isn't some sexy blonde trapped in my head talking to me.

My thoughts are my own … There is only room for one of me in my head.

Davina is just a name I'm still me when dressed although I think I look hotter as “Davina” lol but I would as I'm not attracted to men so not attracted to my male image in the mirror but so vane I like how I look as “Davina” but no there is no “she” in my head talking to me.

Your husband is spot on you are nuts for suggesting this lol but it is a valid question and one which needs to be explored as what if your husband turned around and said YES!!

I suppose some people fall into this category of the alter ego is another person inside their head.. that’s called Schizophrenic lol. (and I shouldn't put lol really as its a serious condition for some and someone will tell me off for the lol I expect but by now people should know I don't mean anything wider that the lol to you not lol at the condition .. moving on).

You think a lot of wives wonder what the thoughts in their husbands head are like?

Well let me sum it up:
We think about sex ever 0.6 seconds lol
Work takes up a lot of space in the brain processing (even after work into the night and throughout the night keeping us awake)
Finances and how much money we have in the bank and what we can save for a rainy day.
Sport lots of Sport and how happy we can be can be ruled by how well our Sports teams are doing at the time.
Family and health.
Other feelings we keep hidden and bottled up “As we're MEN”
We sometimes think of the crossdressing but it's not like we think about it 24/7.
I expect we think of crossdressing if we know we may have an opportunity to dress, or if we're a little stressed and need the bit of escapism crossdressing provides etc or if we see something when out and think hmmmm thats nice..
And lots of other things..

When we are crossdressed what do we think of?

We initially enjoy getting changed thinking I hope I can do my eye makeup good this time and get my lippy spot on, I hope I shaved close enough and this foundation and powder will conceal any manliness and I hope my wig will behave then we're changed and we get a satisfaction of wow I look quite nice this is nice and I feel so nice and relaxed and also feel a lil sexy and sometimes this leads to feeling a lil horny.

Then for me I may go and do some work on the laptop and I’m just thinking about work but every now and then get up walk to the mirror and be vane then sit back down and work or if I'm away in a hotel I may be watching a film in the hotel room just dressed watching a film or the news or might be on line chatting to other crossdressers or wives and the topics can range from, crossdressing, what we're wearing, what we're doing, work, current affairs and politics, sport just your run of the mill chat and sometimes even sex lives and marriage just a load of blah blah blah really but nice to communicate with other misunderstood crossdressers and even better to chat to wives and girlfriends about things like we're discussing.

What do you think we think of? Or rather what is it you and other wives think we think of?

I suppose someone who has just found out about her husband crossdressing would think “Men” but euuughhhh why would we talk about men. We're straight!!!!!!

Who do I see when I look in the mirror? Davina or male me?

I see me crossdressed but it's easier to convey as I see Davina.. Male me looks nothing like Davina which is a strange thing to say but I could show someone a photo of me looking all manly with stubble etc then show someone a photo of me dressed up “Davina” and I'm willing to bet most people wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together and say “is that you?”

I see a woman in the mirror, not as convincing as I'd like but from a distance I think I'd pass, she has  (look at me referring to her as someone else lol but its easier for a min) she has a nice figure, amazingly sexy legs and a nice bum, her makeup is pretty immaculate and her long blonde hair is very sexy, shes fashionably dressed and is wearing nice hosiery and high heels .. she looks very nice.

You didn't ask how do we act?

Now here's something which you may find amusing or strange but speaking for myself but probably for others too who have dressed in front of our other halves when I dress and my wife is here she says I’m nicer to her and I haven't fathomed how or why as I don't think I act ANY different with her when I’m crossdressed as I do when I'm dressed as male me.

However when home alone I probably have a bit more of a mincing walk lol and probably act more fem alone than I would in front of her as I don't know how she'd take it if in front of her I acted different or acted more like a woman to go with looking like a woman and that sounds weird as I don't really act different but I suppose I'm still a little uptight when around my wife crossdressed as don’t want to freak her out or upset her when I'm in fem mode so to speak.

Maybe I'm more relaxed when home alone crossdressed as I've spent 90% of my time crossdressed alone and only recently 10% of it in front of my wife. That’s nothing against my wife and she would probably laugh if I walked more camp or woman like.. In fact I'm worrying about nothing as she's advised me to pull my shoulders back more and stick my tits out lol when I walk as Davina lol.

If it's the male, then why do most of you hate your body hair etc so much?

Body hair ewwwww.. Have you seen hairy Neanderthal looking blokes with a fuzz on their chests backs out of their ears and noses why would any man in his right mind want to look like an ape???

If I crossdressed or not hair on my body would be gone it is rank… lol

I shave my chest and pubic area and under my arms and the hair off my knuckles (as I don’t want to look like a wear wolf) and I shave about 8 inches off the top of my legs / thighs and obviously if I crosdress my face but usually as a man I have a bit of stubble as think as a man I look nicer with a bit of stubble.

I have never shaved my legs and with 60-100 denier stockings or tights and being blonde and not really hairy I don't need to.. but everything above stocking tops is shaved and would be the same if I wasn’t a crossdresser.. I feel cleaner, less sweaty in the summer shaven .. If I do let hair grow its all itchy and ewwww so it has nothing to do with crossdressing and more to do with male pruning and vanity.. I think my body looks better as a male smooth..

How can I be happy being male when so much time is spent removing all traces of him?

It is little effort to maintain yourself as a man even shaving above the stocking tops.
I cut my own hair and would like to be slimmer and fitter (watch this space for that as I begin my summer body workouts lol).

I'm happy being male “it's a mans world” as they say although women are coming more and more into prominence but I'm a man, a bloke I'm happy with myself as a man .. my nose could be a bit smaller and straighter (Broken about 10 times playing sport) … I don't spend the time to remove all traces of being a man or think about it ever apart from when I have time to crossdress and then the aim is to remove all traces of masculinity and of the “man” to try to look like a woman as convincing as possible when crossdressed..

If I couldn’t look convincing then as I said before maybe I wouldn’t do it and it may well stop as I get older if I can't pull it off. (no pun intended there lol).

I enjoy writing back to you and hope this is helping you and others… Keep firing the questions as they're all valid and apologies for laughing out loud for real about “Davina talking to me in my head” :)

looking forward to more questions … Its a free for all anyone can chip in x

Has your husband read our correspondence ?

I've just scrolled back up this is the logest yet I think.. I hope people are reading this rubbish lol.

You say he's shocking at expressing himself but we do go through bouts of denial and guilt and shame for crossdressing from time to time and he's probably afraid of upsetting you by opening up and talking about it he may also feel embarrassed (more likely).

So glad you're finding this correspondence therapeutic.. it works for me too gets it off your chest and if someone is listening and writes back its always nice as who else can we talk to about crossdressing.

Sometimes its hard to talk to your other half but easy to talk to someone else knowing your other half can read this and can say yes I agree with that and that’s how I feel or no that doesn’t apply to me.

You can ask any questions bugging you to gauge an opinion which you may then want to as your other half already having one perspective.

I'm so glad you took my ramblings about women stoping making an effort the right way and opened up the big secret lol “Women don't dress as men wish”

This maybe part of the reason some men crossdress as mentioned previously why I dressed when younger and still do to a small extent. There are many reasons why we crossdress broken into a pie chart as I've blogged about before.

Also glad to see you've typed that women do dress better when they're single, I can see why as you snag a man then you feel content? Mission accomplished? Kick off the heels….

Dressing I supposed is in some type of conflict in my life as I don't want to be a woman and wouldn't want to dress full time but it feels nice to dress.

I worked from home 3 days this week but didn't dress and didn't get the urge to dress even despite quite a stressful working week as my wife will contest telling me to calm down ranting about work.

Today especially I've had a good rant in work and had people not listen to something a few weeks / months down the line I will say “I told you so” and will also have to work out how to solve the problem… My stress level is high at the moment but I'm feeling anger with it which is unhealthy so crossdressing if I could would be an outlet but its not available to me so I have to find other ways to try to calm down which I find hard to do.

So dressing does cause some form of conflict in my life but its lessened with my wifes acceptance and when she says “Don't worry about it you crossdress so why worry about it.. it's fine”.

There's also conflict due to my conditioning ie conditioned to be a strong willed Alpha male man leader, provider, husband and Dad.. my kids think I'm Batman let alone a crossdresser

So I guess my mind is in a constant struggle sometimes wanting to be Batman but also enjoying the escape Crossdressing gives me from stress.

I suppose in my younger years I substituted dressing for not having a girlfriend “becoming the woman” myself and again maybe this is still a fraction of why I still crossdress in my overall pie chart of why I dress.

I'm not as shy as I used to be. My wife always comments on how confident I am and sometimes calls me a big head lol but I'm good at what I do in work sport and in life yeah I'm a big head but with that success and image comes the stress.

Early dressing was definitely a coping mechanism for all the early attraction to women and became an outlet…

The initial crossdressing starting small blossoms with curiosity as at first lingerie, then stockings and heels then how would a dress feel, then what about makeup could I look convincing oh and a wig and wow I look like a woman.. that turns into the norm and now if I cant dress fully with makeup and a wig and look convincing, if I don’t have time then I don’t dress up at all.

This doesn’t really then lead to an identity but an identity is a requirement for reference.. I don’t think of myself as Davina but for email and joining a website and anonymity and a name to refer to with my wife I chose Davina but you’re right my wardrobe has grown.. My wife keeps having a sort out and throwing dresses out and I pick them up and say “Mine”.

What I'd like to do the next chance for a girls night in is bring all my dresses down and get made up and try them all on gain my wifes opinion of what looks nice and what doesn't and sort out what’s a keeper and what can go off to charity to thin down the number of dresses as I think I have more dresses than my wife currently.

Why does it progress, do I think? Well its curiosity and there are steps and stages and some crossdressers stay at the trying on lingerie stage but its a curiosity thing where you eventually think I wonder if I could look like a woman.. or that’s how it felt for me and when you hit this stage and think wow I can look like a woman then you've hit a crossroad stage where as I mentioned it feels nice and is enjoyable trying to look convincing and you hit this wall of this is what I enjoy and won't just part dress again.. obviously some will go further and want to dress full time, want to go out dressed and some go the full hog.. I'm happy being a crossdresser enjoying the ability to be the Alpha male and to have the feminine escapism..

It may be a man thing going to the extreme and wanting to see if you can look convincing and passable and pushing the boundaries maybe.. there is also a competitive side to it amongst crossdressers hence having photos on our profiles on tv websites and enjoying people saying “hey you look great”.. back to the vanity of it all.

Where do I see myself going with this? I think I'm where I want to be with my wife ok with me dressing, being told I can look convincing as a woman, feeling relaxed, nice and sexy when dressed, having crossdressing as harmless escapism, being able to work from home and dress up or pack “Davina” in my case when away with work and dress in my hotel room..

I guess as my kids get older and have more freedom crossdressing will have to be hidden more again.. my oldest has asked why my eyes are dark a few times and I’ve passed it off as I’m tired but it's really a rubbish job of removing eyeliner, eye shadow or mascara. Lol.

Is this my end point? Yes

There is a small part of me that thinks I wonder how it would feel to be outside as Davina and I have been in the garden in the dark of winter dressed where no one can see me and I once put the bins out dressed lol (wife called me an idiot for doing that) but I chat to some crossdressers who have said its something else to go out dressed..

I've mentioned this to my wife and she thinks that idea is mad and as she doesn’t like the idea and its only a small thought and it probably will never happen and I'll remain a behind closed doors and curtains crossdresser.

The question of “why don't women take more advantage of the outfits available etc?” baffles us crossdressers as much as wives and girlfriends are baffled as to why we crossdress.

I also think when women get married they change their view of themselves to married women and this has some mild form of psychological change then when they have children they become mothers and that has an even bigger effect which is hard to explain.

It may be how were brought up, women from a young age are brought up with the ideals of getting married having kids … then what?  Some women have a mid life crisis because of this and all of a sudden wonder what happened to their life? And some grin and bear it but it is the same crossroad crossdressers get to but its not lingerie – dressed – make up – wigs its married – got kids and now I'm content and it affects image and what women wear.. I'm sure of that.

Are you avoiding male attention? Here's the thing.. Some men if they catch another man looking at their wife will want to rip his head off.. If I clock a guy checking out my wife I fell like yeah man keep looking she’s all mine.

I don’t worry if she’s all made up and dressed sexy and goes out without me as I expect men do look at her and she’s a nice person so if someone talks to her they will also think mmm she looks nice and is nice but we trust eachother.

I go out occasionally without her (but prefer going out as couples) and I'll try to look my best as a bloke as I would if I were out with my wife or on my own and I get women talk to me and it's flattering but I'm also more confident talking to women as I'm not looking to pull a woman as I'm married. You could call me cocky as I know I can chat and make funny quips and remarks but I'm not looking to pull someone but good to know I could it I wanted lol.

It's funny you're shy and dot know what to say to women then find a girlfriend and 3 women come along at once and you suddenly have the gift of the gab and some confidence.. well that’s what happened to me anyway in a short period of time then I met my girlfriend who became my wife.

Anyway I've drifted where were we...

Shock horror Women don't get any of the pleasure wearing sexy things like crossdressers do but that may be because you can choose to wear what you like and if you weren’t allowed to dress sexy then maybe you would be in the same boat as us crossdressers?

“Lingerie, even pretty lingerie, is very uncomfortable after a while”… what are you mad? Lol It feels great wearing nice matching lingerie.  Ok here’s a question knowing how much us crossdressers love sexy lingerie, “why wont women wear something for their husband knowing how much it turns him on?” Is it asking much to have your wife once in a blue moon dress up?

Now you've hit a nerve “stockings and heels” OMG I don't know why but tights, stockings and heels OMG OMG OMG really does something for me and again is it asking much knowing how OMG OMG OMG it makes your husband feel if / when you do wear them that you could wear them for us again every now and then .. do you even realise the power you have over us simply by wearing stockings and high heels and how much of a tease it is if you then deny us coming anywhere near you.. oo err that’s all a bit BDSM but nice.

Women must be more sensitive to discomfort but by the same token we'd do anything for you no matter how uncomfortable we feel.. put it this way I'd wear stockings and heels if my wife asked me to lol…

It's refreshing to read to read you type that it's a valid male feeling that women don't put in the effort much any more. Women dress for comfort… yep I get this so do we in tracksuit bottoms or shorts and tshirts but it would be nice every now and again to dress for us? Pleeeasseee lol.

I'm sure you're right that perhaps women never wanted the pretty things in the first place (or grew out of them with marriage and becoming a mother etc) but you did wear sexy clothes to attract us because you know men like it… but then you stop and for us it's like huh? What happened then? You stop wearing stockings and heels and we check to see if you've lost them lol and then we think she's still got them OMG I've been duped she’s got them but just stopped wearing them.. deliberately!!.. I'll ask her to wear them again and our wives will say I don’t want to its uncomfortable you should love me without me wearing those things and we say um of course I love you and you say well there you go then.. then we become crossdressers lol as we try on the things we wish you'd wear for us so it's all your fault,, tut tut make us crossdressers then call us weirdos when its you who are weird all along not wanting to dress sexy and please your husband well well well we've solved it lol.

“Once we've got the man, we don't need it any more. Hmmm...makes sense” OMG you've admitted the great deception lol lure a poor fella with your sexy legs and heels then eat him like a preying mantis well well well lol… We knew it all along and knew we should have had stockings and heels put into the pre nups when we married you lol

It does kinda explain why women think we're gay. You used to dress to attract men and we dress like you used to  lol (like women) when they're trying to attract men, ergo crossdressers are trying to attract men.

That's the thought process. And its flawed very flawed… The other slant is women are becoming more masculine and we're exploring our feminine side or we dress to emulate women as its women we fancy (Not men ewwww) and we're back to the substitution dressing because our other halves have stopped dressing sexy … part of the pie chart.

Crossdressers and women are different we don’t get why you don’t make the effort and you don’t get why we dress up making that effort.

Something next I have considered.. Do I see myself still dressing when I'm old and grey?

This for me is easy to answer and the answer is NO… shock horror.

I think if I look at myself in the mirror one day and think you look awful that may be the end and if I can no longer look the part or look convincing I truly think I will stop crossdressing.

Yay says my wife..

So this means part of the reason I dress is because I like how I feel when dressed up but more important I like how I look and once I don’t like how I look I'll probably stop.

The repetitiveness can get boring but for me being dressed at home working from home or if we manage a girls night in this has been broken up for me by being away from work in a hotel and dressing as it did get a bit mundane dressing working from home a bit boring like ground hog day.

I'd see the kids off to school get dressed then start work then the wife would pop home for dinner at 13:00 and see me dressed then she'd go back to work 13:30 and not long after I'd get changed back to boring male me to go and pick the kids up.

My crossdressing isn't an every week thing it's probably once maybe twice per month and for a few hours.. mainly when working from home ... I do sometimes wonder how it would feel to spend a whole day crossdressed or a weekend crossdressed just to see how it would make me feel but to be honest I'd probably get bored but maybe it would be a good experiment… I doubt id get the opportunity and can't even think how I'd get time to dress a whole weekend or a whole day.

I do think about how others would feel as all crossdressers do fretting over upsetting our wives and girlfriends wanting to talk about it and to offer some form of reassurance that it's still me / us nothings changed I just crossdress please don’t worry about it its doing no harm whilst the wife is thinking omg he’s a freak hat have I married a bloomin pervert… which is why we feel guilt and shame and want to reassure you etc..

Not sure what I'd feel if others knew I crossdressed which is something my wife worries about but I really wouldn’t give a stuff and would probably find it easier to explain to someone who found out I dressed than it would my wife as if they decide they think I'm a weirdo or a pervert so what they can leave and have nothing to do with us if they cant accept it but we love our wives and girlfriends and don’t want to lose them.

Not sure if my wife will be bored with my crossdressing as I think she's just accepted its something I do but as above I think it will stop when I cant look convincing.

Enjoying our correspondence please keep it going you'll soon be an expert into the insight of a crossdressers thinking .. well my thinking anyway.

And great news for Alpha Male me my football team won tonight and what a game it was!!!!!

You're definitely not being annoying as the comments show people are showing interest in our correspondence and I understand you being perplexed so really happy if this discussion is helping.

There is a lot of treading on egg shells on the topic of Crossdressing and hard sometimes to not sound sexist and it's nice when it can be discussed still delicately treading on the eggshells but occasionally smashing a few but understanding its not intentional ie no insults meant.

Your husband and I do sound familiar as I'm sure my wife will confirm I'm very stubborn and strong willed and have a mind of my own (I don't follow trends or what the media wants us to think) I can make my own mind up about the little things and things going on around the world far more meaningful than crossdressing worries which puts a lot of this into perspective.. what is crossdressing in the grand scheme of everything (pretty insignificant).

My wife called me an “idiot” as predicted for being on Skype chatting to someone but more so as someone could see me crossdressed as she is a little paranoid someone will recognise me, she wasn't worried I was chatting to someone just that they saw me as “Davina”.

She knows I chat to other crossdressers and wives and girlfrends of crossdressers on TV Chix as I've placed on the blog. Shes chatted to a few herself but that's a rare thing usually if I chat to a wife and they ask if she will chat with them sometimes she will but doesn't really like to.

I get the weird 3some element (Wife / Husband / Alter Ego) me my wife and Davina and the same for you your husband and his alter ego.

I'm sure your husband like me has fantasies about the alter ego and our wives getting it on so to speak which I know my wife will never do and guessing you're the same.

What would be the point of crossdressing if it were in comfy jeans, tee shirt that sounds like “man wear” we can do this anytime. I have tried that though makeup minimal jeans and a top to see how casual Davina looks but had to round it off with 5 inch heels as flats are just bleughhhhh.

It is all long hair, nails, foundation, eye liner. Eye shadow, mascara, blusher, lipstick, nice matching lingerie, stockings and high heels oh and a nice dress...which may not be a true representation of women today and we don't expect “Stepford wives” but and this is hard to put without sounding insulting … women seem to make less effort to “always” look their best which us “thick men” don't understand.

I know some women who wouldn't leave the house without makeup on and have heard other women natter bitchily oh look here she comes all made up and I'm thinking what's wrong with that? She's making an effort to always look her best and have seen women who are usually all made up say OMG don't look at me I'm not wearing my makeup – I guess for some its a mask to hide behind or some women genuinely want to look their best (and have time to do it ...I know)  the uber opposite of our Alpha Male mask unshaven brash and arrogant yet behind it we have feelings and emotions which we hide from everyone.

I think as a man if I was a woman I'd always want to look my best as… I always try to look my best as a man.. even if I pop to Tescos to pick up groceries. You'll tell me its not that easy?

The thing us crossdressers know is it doesn't take much time or effort to put on a face and transform so we don't get why women wouldn't want to do this. But I will bear in mind we've had to become very proficient of getting made up and dressed quickly when chances permit.. why does it take a woman an hour to get dolled up when we have it down to 10 mins lol.

Crossdressers side more with the image of the women who make the day to day makeup and heels effort (why would we just dress in jeans and a tshirt) and you may notice us glancing over at a woman when out and about if she has made this effort.. this is where women get it wrong we're not thinking pfwwooorr we're thinking 'wow she looks nice I love how she did her makeup and wow love those heels' but we're not Gok Wann so we cant just out and say it no matter how much that low dress is showing off her “bangers” (how does Gok get away with that I mean bangers come on who calls them that!)

If we're honest we'd probably like our wives and girlfriends to sometimes to always look Stepford wives for us to an extent we dress how we do as wives and girlfriends don't so much anymore for us.
 
This can without you realising as we don't show it lead us to feel unwanted and unimportant affecting our self esteem and making us sometimes feel our wives make little effort for us but will make more effort for others.. eg the girls night our … long hair, lippy n heels etc  leaving us indoors looking after the kids.

When we dress we dress to try to look as convincing as possible and as Feminine as possible to escape as far away from alpha male man as we can.

I try to dress casual, don't overdo makeup (Wife says I do it well) but like to look casually sexy too if that makes sense. Or what I see as sexy and we do seem to have a thing for hosiery and heels.

So you're right when your husband and I say we're dressing as women and you say, “You're dressing as men THINK women are, or, as men WISH women were” (With “were” being an apt word instead of “Are”) you are correct...

There may be something in there also where we wish you would make that effort more often (that doesn't sound right maybe effort is the wrong word but I hope you get the jist).. our logic being when we dress we feel different (nice even) so we don't get why you don't dress up more often to feel the same way about yourselves.. we are thinking about you as much as our visual minds honest. 

ie Don't tell me you didn't make more effort and dress more fem, makeup and heels and long hair  when you were dating but now you only rarely dress up to impress?

Or you probably would dress to impress others if you went out without your husband but a date with your husband and you turn up in jeans and tshirt..? and how does that make us men feel…

We don't get this as much as you don't get our crossdressing and it feels like a kick in the teeth for us as if we're less important but we never know how to tell you this as you would take it as an insult if we said “is that what you're wearing?” or “couldn't you wear a nice dress and heels and some lipstick”… ouch that's a guaranteed cold shoulder all night so we keep schtum about it and just feel like were unimportant and we give a slight cold shoulder and you sit there wondering why you married this moody git.

The Were and are – Things have changed and women seem to want to be more masculine especially in the work place I find, but born also is the ladette which we see out and about behaving like men which scares me.. OMG women are turning into men!! f'ing and blinding and downing pints..

So we like to dress as women “were” not “are” is a good statement to make and possibly sums up a portion of why some men crossdress.. they miss their other half dressing nice, putting on makeup and its a bit of a kick in the teeth as we don't see it as asking much for our other halves to try to look their best for us..as we try to look our best for them.

I don't feel when I'm in Davina mode that I am dressing as me as me is a bloke in jeans and a tshirt, shirt, rugby jersey etc .. I'm dressing as a woman as good as I can look as a woman yes nails lippy and heels so ergo as how I like a woman to dress but I don't dress to insult women as my wife will tell you I dress to look nice as a woman (I hope as all my dresses used to be her dresses lol).

We didn't pen ourselves not modern we anyway, uptight society put us here and separated men from women in class let alone in dress.

Things have changed in sexism and lots of other isms but crossdressing is still shunned and ridiculed so harsh to say we penned ourselves in as “WE” didn't our ancestors did.

Crossdressing isn't just a UK thing it happens all over the world across all cultures and in some its accepted so its hard to pin down exactly why us men feel the urge to do it.

I agree if more men would stand up and break free we would gain female support eg if Beckham came out as a Crossdresser I'm sure it would become cool.. He was rumoured to wear Posh's knickers. But then again I've heard loads of times women saying crossdressing is fine as long as their husbands don't do it.

If we had the option to dress how we liked and it wasn't seen as weird (Crossdressers Eutopia) Crossdressing wouldn't exist.. I suppose we would then dress how we felt when we got out of bed that morning (oh how nice that would be) or appropriately as to what task faced us on the day.. much the same as women have the option to do.

Out to the Rugby Jeans and a rugby jersey (women can do this), on site with work PPE (women can do this too), going for a job interview short skirt and high heels lippy etc (women can do this men would be escorted from the building). Women already have all options open “stamping feet” and its not fair.

What drove me to initially start dressing?

I was about 4, 5 maybe 6 I always loved the feel of silky slips and nylon and lace and how it looked and I would touch it as we walked through the lingerie section of Marks and Spencers or I'd wrap myself up in some lacy silk dressing gown of my mothers on my parents bed and go to sleep which led to trying on tights and loving the feel.. after all batman wore tights and so did Superman this went on for a few years and I don't think I even hid it running round the house in tights a t-shirt and a cape 4,5 6 years old I didn't hide that I was wearing tights as I said I was batman and he wore black tights and superman wore blue ones but I do remember liking the feel of wearing tights.

As I got a little older probably 10 / 11 and in school we talked more about girls we fancied (also female teachers and other grown up women we fancied) and then the Marshal ward catalogue lingerie section came into play more attraction to women (hormones / puberty / Masturbation) the lingerie section of catalogues was a prime source of reference, women (models) in bra, knickers, suspenders, stockings high heels which led to (and this sound bad) curiosity “did my mother have this sort of stuff” then finding she did have Marshall wards matching lingerie, stockings suspenders and high heels was hooked on dressing up when home alone as an 11 year old through part of my teens albeit now more aware of this is something I needed to hide I'm not dressing up as Batman or Superman any more I'm in stockings, high heels, bra and knickers or basques etc and its a massive turn on) I'm now dressing as a woman or in womens cloting.

I was shy as a kid had one or two childish relationships with girls nothing serious just she's my girlfriend type of stuff and some kissing lol but I was still shy.. Girls would ask me out I was too shy to ask them out.

As a teenager I had crushes on a few girls (and teachers) and my crossdressing continued throughout my teens mainly in lingerie sometimes I'd try on a dress to see how it would feel but thoughts were always on the girls I fancied and teachers or other women in my life I fancied, dressing up was some form of compromise.

Back then I didn't wear makeup or try to look convincing it was just nice to feel myself in the lingerie that attracted me (you have to admit it does feel nice wearing nice lingerie).

Boys / Men are more sensitive physically and visually but we also tend not to show emotion and bottle up our thoughts in a way we're brought up this way.

“This might seem a generalization but I don't think so. Too many mothers notice the same. There's almost a mismatch between how we raise boys and how boys are. When did we decide to keep all the interesting, pretty, sexy things for ourselves? Or did men decide they liked seeing these things on women and consequently lost them for themselves?”

This is a key statement as Boys are brought up to be men to be masculine and strong.. we don't bring daughters up this way.. we buy boys footballs (lol I bought my girls footballs) soldiers, tanks, robots and space ships we tend to by girls my little pony, barbie dolls etc (I hate it when people buy my daughters ironing boards and kitchens etc… stereotypical things they ingrain as an Iron belongs to women etc as my daughter exclaimed when I left the iron on “well its your Iron Mum!” as if she should check its switched off)  …

I think it's later men see the interesting, pretty, sexy things and maybe don't want them for themselves but then see women not take advantage of the pretty sexy items of clothing, makeup etc and curiosity leads us to try them for ourselves and then a revelation of wow this feels nice, we have to hide it as society deems it weird and wrong but a) Why don't women dress in this stuff all the time or even some of the time and b) it felt nice the first time lets do it again c) I wonder if I could look passable as a woman? d) hooked you're a crossdresser.

Going back to my early years and look what I wrote .. Id dress up and when dressed up I was thinking of the women I fancied whilst dressed in womens lingrie as a teenager etc … Now where in this do I think of men? The simple answer is I don't and didn't yet what do women think when they find out a man crossdresses “He's Gay!”

No time during my pre teens, teens, 20's or 30s did I think or relate anything to do with my crossdressing to men yet somehow the stigma maybe via drag queens lends people to link crossdressing with a) sexuality and b) homosexuality and for crossdressers who are married, straight this is the “AAARRGGgghhhh“ moment as here we are dressed as “women” (as we would like to see them) thinking of women and we confess we crossdress and are asked “does that mean you are gay?” “ahh um what where did that come from? ARRghhhh NOOO!”

I've gone off on a tangent too… don't get me started on LGBT! (If I had my way to rewrite history I'd remove the T as it isn't a sexuality and further to this those who are firmly in the T bracket shun us mere crossdressers even more so married straight crossdressers we're the bottom of the food chain almost in the T world)

Glad you state that writing here is almost therapeutic as I have found it therapeutic and that's why I added my wifes blog as an option for her to write her thoughts which she's done although I don't think she finds it therapeutic (maybe reading this she may give writing another go but I think her mind is settled on my dressing so she doesn't need the therapy of typing all this) and I'm glad you are writing here as I'd like this to be seen as an open forum for discussion for anyone.

Hope I'm making sense thus far..

You may be right “The wand chooses the Wizard Harry” and maybe Crossdressing chose us some deep seated conscious decision years ago liking the feel of silky things and that first curiosity to try something on “belonging to women”… which led to a life of crossdressing for a kick and latter-day for relaxation and escapism… more manly put as escape and evade from stress.

It doesn't have to be so hard on a marriage as communication is the key and keeping calm, calculated and honest and open .. Its not a bad “fetish” for want of a better description.. there are worse things your husband could be into like … watching motor racing.. what a waste of time cars going round a track.

I'm glad you mention “so testing of your sexuality” as I've told my wife I'd love to “Fool around with her” when I'm Crossdressed and would love her dressed similar, as to me that would feel great but to her I look like a woman and even though I'm quite clearly a man it would seem visually wrong for her to be with me looking like a woman and make her feel wrong .. She's told me she's “not a lesbian and I look too convincing for her to do anything” (which is the first compliment) and I did offer to look less convincing and she called me a “smart arse”.. another compliment a double one lol.

Exactly right Crossdressing is a biological screw up for wives and girlfriends (most) because it does literally turn off the women you're attracted to. I've given up on trying to seduce my wife as “Davina” though I do sometimes tease her.

Keep this going its good to discuss, maybe my wife will chip in and others too.

What I'm typing in reply however may not fit the bill for your husband he may have different thoughts as we all dress for different reasons and have different start points and different degrees of dressing .. Its akin to freemasonry where the 33rd degree is the TS and the ones at the bottom are mere crossdressers who will remain crossdressers and nothing more not even if we had the choice to go further.. I never want to live full time as a woman or go any further, happy to know I can occasionally dress up look ok doing it relax then return to Alpha Man.

Hope you had a good weekend and look forward to further correspondence..

I'm open to all comments and thoughts from Crossdressers and especially wives and girlfriends and you wrote so well so I could find it an insult.

Some T-Girls have stronger reasons and feelings than others as I've found out with some wrath towards me from trans people who don’t like my “Crossdressing Blog”

Crossdressers are very misunderstood even in the Trans world.

I 100% agree wives shouldn’t have to tiptoe around their anger and concerns.

I value your opinion as I'm sure other wives will feel the same and I want this blog to be real so it cannot all be positive “hey its ok to crossdress”.

I'm sure my wife will agree we still find it hard to talk about crossdressing and sometimes its easier to talk to someone else about it and share fears and advice etc .. there's no insult to my wife she knows I chat on a trans website and have this blog and reads the blog and the guestbook messages.

I think you also misinterpret swapping compliments as the wife gave me a compliment as to how I looked crossdressed and I complimented her also that's just being polite isn't it?

Its not seeking acceptance elsewhere but its something anyone seeks isn't it? Helps with self esteem etc? After all us crossdressers try to look convincing and its nice to be told you look ok. What can I say we're vane.

I'd never think of having therapy as my crossdressing is controlled and my mind in sound and rational about it. Some it seems do need therapy but I'd not count myself one and doubt my wife would count me as needing therapy either. Maybe she would disagree and if she asked me to seek therapy i would but i dont think it would stop my crossdressing.

I agree harmless can become harmful if communication is lacking but even tho its hard we do discuss my crossdressing.

I'm glad the way I describe Crossdressing makes some sense to you and doesn't upset or insult you.

Its not all been plain sailing and I'm sure my wife has felt little insults and jabs along the way as we live and learn how to talk about and deal and compromise crossdressing in our life as the little big issue it is..

She definitely didn't jump for joy about it and I wasn't expecting her to (tho hoped she would lol).

I didn't expect her to yell yipee and we've addressed this.

Is a hard topic to bring up in the first place let alone discuss with many crossdressers in the closet.

We met (I've crossdressed since very young but my dressing for years died off) and then we married and I'm a heterosexual man as many crossdressers are.

It was years later I told her of my crossdressing which returned during our marriage
 

Out of the blue my wife asked to dress me as a woman which sparked my crosdressing further and at that point I made my crossdressing confession much to her surprise and also very upsetting for her and incredibly hard for me to confess as a red blooded alpha male acting man to admit my escapism “crossdressing”

The problem is mine but get this I fretted and worried over what to do and decided I needed to tell my wife as our love and marriage is strong enough to withstand me dressing up, I'm intelligent I can explain it (it took years to explain and compromise) shes intelligent she will get her head around it eventually  to whatever extent...it was also in my mind the right thing to do in telling her I crossdress as the alternative was bottling up the stress and it becoming unhealthy and also the possibility I would be caught crossdressed and then how to explain it?

That may sound selfish but my rational was I could be doing something far worse than dressing up as a woman.

I believe I'm a strong willed human being and have never considered therapy as I accept this part of myself as part of myself and as not doing anything wrong.

I mean its society as a whole who decided and imprinted how men and women ”should” look and dress, so why do I need therapy for something as unexplainable as going against the society norm in crossdressing… there are lots of other things which go against society imprinted norms a lot far worse than dressing up.

I enjoy reading you viewpoint and I do understand your views as it may be your husband and myself are different or the same in terms of crossdressing or if communication is lacking (hard subject to talk about) or what experiences you've had with crossdressing compared to my wife and myself.
 

I agree it is very hard to make clear points on a guest post page as it is in a blog as my blogs have been misread and forum posts twisted by some trans people to cause argument or to just be awkward so hope were both reading into what we mean with no twisting of words and meanings and all good intentions.

My wife reads my blog and the Skype chat wasn't planned as I wrote I was in my Davina email (which I need for this blog) and the wife messaged me in skype which I didn't realise was linked to outlook and my hotmail account.

We chatted in general and it was with great nervousness that I showed myself as Davina briefly as we chatted.

Had I not been dressed I would not have gone on video (I saw it as I was in disguise and having chatted a lot to this particular wife decided she was nice, intelligent and safe to chat with and safe for my wife to chat with if she wanted to).

Ok maybe it sounds a bit dodgy with the 'away on business/chatting with an accepting woman' part but my wife knows I pack “Davina” in a bag sometimes when I work away and may dress in my hotel room as I've blogged about the same as I sometimes crossdress when I work from home if the urge takes me.

Nothing is behind her back its all in print here and I would be upset if she assumed I was upto no good as we trust one another and are both open and honest.

I still don't get your being insulted… Have you seen photos of men dressed tarty? Maybe thats the insulting part? .. Have you also seen pics of men and think no way is that a man and noticed how some crossdressers can look convincing and dress day to day to try to look convincing and nice as a woman and not at all tarty.. Imitation is a form of flattery not insult most of the time

I don't get how you think we crossdressers think women are all fluff and frills and lacking substance, to me were all equal …. apart from you can wear what you like and look however you like and we have to be “men” and that's really boring.. have you tried dressing as a man how boring it is.

It seems being masculine is more accepted and lauded even in strong women but acting feminine is frowned upon?

I get how womens lives are as stressful as ours I really do but that's a grand assumption and generalisation not knowing personal reasons for stress particularly on my part but my wife also has stress and my dressing up no doubt doesn't help..

Crossdressing is an enigma you are correct which is why I want my blog to try to show in a way that dispels some of the myths about crossdressing but unfortunately some myths are true to some extent which you've no doubt experianced or seen to some extent

I posed in a Trans forum parts of a message I had in the Guestbook / Chat from a Wife.

I welcome all aspects and comments as long as they are clean and not insulting but constructive, informative and helpful to others reading it to see all sides in the discussion of why me may crossdress and how people react to it differently.

There are may reasons why we crossdress and it seems no two crossdressers have the exact same reasons which leads to great debate in the trans community and there are many other levels of transvestism which I cannot explore or elaborate on as I think I fall within the bracket of crossdressing (occasional, for escapism and relaxation) nothing more than that .. I don't want to live as or be a woman but I do get something from dressing and trying to look as good as I can “in drag” for want of a better expression and drop my alpha maleness for a while.

My wife notices I'm different dressed maybe its dropping my guard, but at the end of the day always more than happy to return to male mode albeit a more relaxed male mode.. and as my wife says “Its so nice to take off a bra after wearing it all day”

I have cut some comments from replies from a range of trans people on the forum which shows some dissatisfaction of some of the comments and some comments which point to my point that crossdressers are the least understood in the trans world where women and trans people question crossdressing? Don't get me started on LGBT but it doesn't seem Crossdressing fits in there either.

Thoughts of other T-Girls:

• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…

• There's a lot of crossdressing that's an insult to trans people.

• Its lumping us all in one boat.

• I guess there are some who 'play' at dress up as a form of stress relief, but there are an awful lot of other reasons why 'we' dress.

• There are many reasons why people choose to dress and the only one i can think of that would be insulting to women are those who do it as a way to degrade themselves, as this suggests that they see females as the lesser sex

• I'm sure the majority of us crossdress as we either want to be a female, don't believe in gender lines, enjoy becoming someone different once in a while or are just jealous that women have so many more options when deciding how they want to look

• It isn't just women who feel threatened by transvestism. Gay men can be just as bad.

• Equality is made up for by letting women off a sinking ship first and holding doors open for them

• We have a women questioning crossdressing, outwardly there is no problem with CD' s wearing women's clothes as a way to relax,

• Personally I ''dress'' because its what I want to do.

• Perhaps she fears that it may go further than just crossdressing.

• It's a thin line for some women to except that being a CD is not the same as a fetish transvestite who dresses solely for the purpose of sex.

• Many of the general public also can see no difference, between transgender, CD, transvestite, fetish transvestite it's a major problem for many who face that hurdle if transitioning and god only knows women have problems understanding why their husbands wear women's clothes

• Some CDs are insulting to women, the ones who think all women are just a bunch of sluts to be used by men. And that is what they emulate themselves as a CD.

• I know plenty of regular women, that have no problems with CDs.

• I also know women who are ok with CDs but who wouldn’t want their husbands to crossdress

• As a Trans woman I know I should be more enlightened, but just as most CDs cannot identify why they CD, I cannot figure out why they do either, but have been fascinated with them.

• I think I'm right in saying that a good many of us on here have experienced therapy and, personally, I could shout from the rooftops about the positive value I gained from it (although I know that isn't always the case). I'm certain that many wives would 'push that button' if they could…

• Personally I'd say what's referred to as 'crossdressing' in all its forms, is a celebration of femininity.

• Crossdressing may be people accepting, enjoying and hopefully coming to terms with their own femininity at whatever level that exists

• There are two sides to every argument in a lot of respects women have insulted men by dressing in jeans trousers & further to that have made a point that jeans & trousers now form part there wardrobe so when we dress in there clothes e g skirts & dresses women can't say to much can they?

So there's some feedback from other trans people to the comments all in their own way constructive and mainly positive which shows we can have rational discussions about crossdressing and other trans issues even when challenged.

I still feel there is no harm done by crossdressing in the grand context of life and that crossdressers are the least understood and for whatever reason maybe bad press the most feared, shunned and made fun of in the trans world.

I've had other messages in the guestbook / chat from “wife” which again are constructive and I will blog a reply as feel it needs more than a guestbook / chat and further debate and discussion.

What I will say is we cannot all be bracketed the same, we don’t all need therapy, there is nothing wrong with crossdressing if it is thought about more open minded as my wife thinks of it as fancy dress or me dressing up but still me (tho she would rather I didn’t crossdress obviously) and if the escapism of crossdressing does no harm, doesn’t demean women or insult women or paint women as sex objects what’s the problem in someone crossdressing behind closed doors or chatting..

I suppose the harm is done by those crossdressers who flaunt the unwritten rules if I can call them rules and blot the copy book for those who crossdress for escapism, relaxation, because we want to, because it feels nice, other issues over and above the reasons of crossdressing, because we love women, love the fem image “imitation = flattery”

I hope said wife will continue to comment and hope more people will comment as its a good debate to discuss.

I think all we ask of our Wives and girlfriends is some form of acceptance we seek to provide reassurance to them and we worry about this and seek some form of understanding.

 She looks fab

Watching I am Cait with Caitlyn Jenner and appalled that the Trans women she's with are:

a) Trying to get her to date a man (She’s not interested and can you imagine how the media would react and how it would affect her family!)

b) Using her for their political ideals (which she doesn’t agree with)

c) Just using her in general (I don’t think they're helping her at all they're trying to tell her how she should be and how she should act and what she needs to do next)

d) Trying to change her political views and views on life now that she has transitioned….

Only episode 1 of the new show and its getting on my nerves especially with mention of LGBT!!

Trans isn't a sexuality!!!!!!!!! Leave her alone to find her own way.. Glad she's just said its not a Republican or Democrat issue its a Humanity issue… Exactly!!

One Trans woman just said unless she gets on board shes going to find herself isolated and obsolete... A real sign theyre just using her.. GGRRrrrrr!!!!

I found myself today making a homophobic comment as we drove through a local village on our way home from shopping and saw this guy with skinny jeans not quite down to his ankles with his jeans half way down his backside and a white t shirt with harry styles type curly hair and I exclaimed “How gay did that guy look”..

I'll take the wrap on the knuckles for the homophobic comment but..

Had I seen a man dressed as a woman I may have said.. “Is that a man dressed as a woman?”

I wouldn't have said “That guys dressed as a woman he looks so gay”

So what can I glean from that as a blog conclusion…

Seeing a man dressed as a woman I don't judge that person may be Gay but I did gauge that the way the guy in the village was dressed he looked Gay..

I'll go back to my initial and teenage days of dressing through to my current crossdressing and make this statement “I don't link my crossdressing or crossdressing in general to sexuality .. Its just crossdressing why does sexuality have to come into it…”

I'm back to LGBT the T has no place with groups who are defined with sexuality as Transvestism isn't a sexuality.. it may be a minority but its definitely not a sexuality..

But on telling someone you crossdress the first thing that springs to mind is sexuality.. how frustrating it then is to have to explain and reassure to someone that crossdressing has nothing to do with sexuality and in a lot of cases nothing to to with fetish..

Think outside the box if I dressed as a Robot would they put me in a group LGBTR? No

So wearing clothes deemed female and having a fem appearance makeup wig n all is thought of as wrong or perverted but anyone can dress as a robot or express their sexuality.. It seems an overblown OTT reaction for someone to be rejected by society, shunned and laughed at because they decide to dress up like a woman.. end of that thought for the day.

The day started working from home and packing “Davina” from the attic into a bag for my trip away with work..

I had intended popping into one of the offices on the way to my destination but with easter bank holiday I had work to catch up with so I left home around 1230 for the 2.5 hour trip up north and arrived at the hotel around 1530.

Having booked into the hotel and sorted my room unpacking my male clothes I got out my female clothes and makeup then went to get something to eat.

On return to my room I answered some emails having set up the hotel wifi on my personal and work laptop and did a bit of work whilst a bath was running then got transformed around 1700.

Bath, shave, lingerie, makeup, stockings, dress heels and wig transformed in the usual 10-15 minutes and pleased with makeup and how I looked in the mirror.

I logged onto “Davinas” email as I have an email as my alter ego which helps me run this blog, Tvchix login and a place for people to email me as my alter ego from the blog.

What I didn't realise was Outlook and Skype are now linked and a Real Girl / Woman / Cis gendered woman whatever the agreeable label is said Hi and told me she'd left TV Chix via skype.

So we got chatting as she's a very nice lady (I'll refer to her as S) and we've chatted loads over the years about crossdressing or other halves and how they deal with dressing etc which was very nice.

It is nice to get things off your chest and discuss crossdressing with someone.. as I said I know my wife doesn't like to talk about it or doesn't know what to say about it so its nice to chat to another wife about it.

Being on Skype chatting there is the option of video and I know my wife will freak but the option was taken to continue chatting whilst on video.. I was really nervous as now i'm typing to this lovely lady who looked lovely too and she can see me crossdressed.

She was very nice and complimented me on my makeup and how I looked and we continued having a nice chat which was cool as my nervousness of her being able to see me subsided and we laughed and joked and discussed the pros and cons of crossressing and talked about our partners.

It was really nice to be able to see who i'm chatting to and nice to chat to a very accepting and understanding woman.

My wife will read this and probably tell me off for chatting to someone on video skype.

It was nice and we'll probably chat again some time.. I'd invite my wife to chat on video with S but know she'll probably say “no chance”.. Never mind at least she accepts my crossdressing escapism.

So to the Couple who messaged me about chatting on Skype (Maybe)..

22:30 watched the football as Davina “England lost to Holland” in a friendly 2-1 another bath after removing makeup and packed Davina up now watching Transformers on Film 4 and updating my blog.. Wondering now what the wife will say cos I went on Skype video.. Probably call me an idiot but there was no way S would know who I am as a man so knew there was no chance of being outed or anything and it was really nice to just discuss crossdressing.. theraputic even.

We had a weekend away over Easter and it's funny how conversations with friends or reletives go and how easy Crossdressing comes into conversation which I've blogged about before.

This time 4 of us are chatting and my wifes friend for some reason starts talking about when she was in Amsterdam and how there was a pride march on there and how there were men Crossdressed and how fabulous they looked, how they dressed and did their makeup and how sexy their legs were and how they had fab figures.

We had a brief chat about Crossdressing me thinking “If only you knew”.. My wife probably thinking although we haven’t discussed this “If only they knew” but all in all in that conversation it was a positive slant on men crossdressing.

Good for my wife to hear someone elses perspective although I expect if her husband crossdressed she'd have a different opinion.. I wonder what people would say if they knew I crossdressed.. Something my wife doesn’t want to contemplate.

March and as the Blog reads attempted to dress when working from home twice and twice my opportunity was interrupted by my youngest coming home from school ill and a video conference.

Last week I'm working from home and the wife texts as she does during the day.

“Are you destressing” which is her code word for Crossressing and I text “no I’m too busy” to which she replied “why not go on it will do you good” but I really was too busy with work phone calls and the work I was doing writing a report.

So on one hand my wife was encouraging me to crossdress which is great but that's over text.

I suppose its easy and quick over text which is why I’ve blogged about using texts or letters or msn messenger or skype to communicate as its easy to type something read it back think about it then press send and its gone for the other person to read digest think about and type something open and honest back… for some reason its not as easy to talk about.

Moving on from this I text back “I'm away with work next week in a hotel I'll pack “Davina” and dress then” to which she text something like “LoL OK”

I'm out of the house and able to dress in my hotel room from around 1600 – 1700 whatever time I get there and booked in until late without anyone interrupting me unless someone knocks the door to which I would have to dart into the bathroom and call out “I'm in the bath can you come back later” lol .. or something like that as it's never happened.

We're walking down the park Easter Monday with the kids in the park playing as we have a stroll and I mention to my wife about being away tomorrow(today) and say I'll be packing “My Bitch” and dressing up to which she replies “Oh right” and that was that… Then a few more steps and I'm thinking she still cant talk about it or doesn’t know what to say so I mention the SKY program “I Married a Crossdresser” and that I'd watched it to which she replied “Oh Right OK” and I went on to talk a little about it as we walked with no reply.

Its weird not being able to have a conversation about Crossdressing with my wife with her either not wanting to talk about it or not knowing what to say.. I feel its the latter.

The good thing is she knows I crossdress and has a good idea why and is ok with it and no longer freaked out but I wish we could talk about it more… I still I suppose seek to reassure her about my crossdressing.

Program description

The program follows four couples in which the man cross-dresses.

Two of the female partners discovered their partner cross-dresses after the relationship began.

In one case fifteen months in; in the other after ten years.

In the other two cases, the female partners knew in advance and were happy to embrace it.

The program charts the ups and downs of the world of cross-dressing, includes family members and friends, and deals with questions like why? when? how?

All in all, it is a positive, upbeat and hopefully informative program which may help to lift the veil on this still largely hidden world.

My thoughts

I put it on whilst working from home.. Its a good one as it showed the four couples and showed four straight married crossdressers.

I didn’t pay 100% concentration as I was also busy working but there were similarities in there to myself and other bits and pieces I didn’t think applied to me.

One Crossdreser didn’t shave just dressed, one Crossdressers wife enjoyed her husbands crossdressing and the children also knew and they went out and about to Crossdressing accepting clubs.

Another Crossdresser was shown having a dinner party with his wife and their friends who were meeting him crossdressed for the first time.

IT was nice that their friends came over fir dinner and were open and honest asking questions and also discussing how poor Chelsea Football Club has been this season.

The friend also let her know she needed a better wig which is something my wife said to me when she first met me.

All in all it was a good start a program showing straight married crossdressers, nothing weird about it just matter of fact we dress up as women don’t want to be women, no sexual fetish about it and 4 wives who either accepted it from the start or were told about dressing and accepted it later on.

Worth a watch

Over the last 2 weeks I've dressed twice, well sort of..

Working from home and the wife probably noting I'm stressed in work.. more peed off by the amount of work I have as a lone wolf with other sections of useless people tripping over eachother doing sod all whilst I struggle.. funny how reorgs work lessen staff in a critical area then take on more in a B.S. area.. anyway I digress she text something along the lines of 'are you dressed' and I said 'no' and she said 'why not ?' so I thought sod it and quick wash and shave and my usual 10 minute transformation then back to work all dolled up makeup looking good in a red dress and heels starting my relaxation therapy then the wifes on the phone our youngest has just thrown up in school and shes going to pick up and bring home.. mad dash to get back to Dad mode within 30 mins in the red dress…

Next chance to dress working from home most of this week so I thought well I have some time to unwind as lots to catch up with working from home in isolation.. so Monday wife takes kids to school quick bath and shave blah blah blah by 10:00 I'm all crossdressed up again quite happy with my makeup etc and how I feel...10:45 pops up on my screen video conference in 15 mins argghhh.. mad dash makeup off back to Alpha male Engineer mode and made the video conference.

So dressed twice in the last two weeks but only for very short periods of time what a waste of makeup.. I could have dressed tues, wed or friday as I worked from home again (so much to do and cant do it in the office as too many distractions mainly from people asking me to help them with things which are either no longer to do with me or have never been to do with me but they value my opinion … nice I suppose to be thought of as an expert and a font of knowledge but another reorg and I could easily be struck off by people above who don't know their bum from their elbow… how does one become a director when you've never done the jobs below you're directing?)..

I didn't dress again in the week as just too much work to do ...so frustrating when my chance to dress working from home is outweighed by there's just too much work to do to spare the 30 mins or so it takes to transform both ways..

The answer may be to have a night in dressed and unwind if we could get baby sitters and also have a sort out of “Davinas” wardrobe maybe.

Another fab email from KAtie this time explaining the urge and how it canbe quelled and how it can be frustrating when you cannot use Crossdressing to unwind due to circumstances.

It's nice to see I'm not alone and i think good for others to read more perspective on this subject than just me rabbiting on about it and also points out why we have to remain so much in the closet about our crossdressing. Again Thankyou Katie for allowing me to publish your email here.

Hi Davina

Katie

I get many emails through this Blog and through TVChix mainly T-girls in the closet or T-Girls wanting advice or thanking me for the blog and its very gratifying to see all my eamblings here providing some use.

The following is from one of those emails from a T-Girl called Katie who has agreed to let me publish her email :)

Hi Davina

Katie

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

My my does that sound weird and what would people think if I came out in conversation and said it.. but what harm does it do.. what does it matter to anyone that to help me unwind I dress up like a woman put on makeup and a wig and try to look as much as possible like a woman .. the ultimate escapism for a man.. and load of men do it some in secret some out in the open ..

Some say those in the closet should come out.. some in the closet think those out of the closet are brave and maybe right but some in the closet are also brave keeping this secret to themselves knowing those who they love would not like the crossdressing so live with it like a torment wanting to scream “I'm a crossdresser!!”.. nut cannot as it will mean hurt for some and breakup but for some lucky enough acceptance and fun.. Its a big decision to make to keep it secret or to tell someone..

Some who are out (a minority of TGirls I may add) look down on Crossdressers who are in the closet but they have different circumstances.. some have very accepting signifigant others or are single or divorced free to live a more open life and get out and about crossdressed.. they should think a bit more about it as not everyone can come out freely without a drastic affect on life and relationships.

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

I used to play contact sports (Rugby and Football at a good level and Cricket if you haven't been hit by that ball the contact is ouchy especially when you get hit by a bouncer bowled by someone who went on to play one day cricket for the West Indies) and that got rid of aggression and energy..

My ankles, shins and knees creak if I play football and my hamstrings tighten if I try to sprint which is something being a sprinter I've always suffered with .. no longer the athlete I once was but thankfully all the sport I played in younger years has given me fantastically sexy legs in Stocking and high heels.

When I exercise and I need to get back on it having started after Xmas then stopped due to excess work requirement I feel great and this takes away some of my Urge to crossdress getting obsessed with losing weight and getting back in shape which starts again next week up early exercise.. home from work exercise weekend long walks and exercise getting back into jogging slowly but surely to get a beach body for the summer .. oh and Davina looks better slimmer lol.

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

Work work work – the amount of work I have on at the moment is OTT.. A collegue in work has told me to stop working so many hours as i'll burn out and also told me what I have to get done is a marathon not a sprint but this is the other side of me competitive to want to be the best Engineer in my field in the UK… a control freak… and OCD cant leave something undone and need to finish projects.. plus people in work dont understand my field of work which is something I need to share and train others to understand to take some of the burden and to let them know how I do the things they dont know I do and dont know they even need to be done.. breathe..

So at the moment the URGE to Crossdress is massive to unwind and escape my male persona.. Maybe not easy for my wife to understand but she knows it helps..

Dressed up twice last week for a few hours Monday 9-1430 working from home then Wednesday after phone call after phonecall and a rant on the phone to one colleague who has criticised me having to put him back in his place with the facts he hasn’t considered I thought sod it and again working from home dressed 11-1400..

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

The Urge has been maintained beyond dressing twice with work again but also the feeling that dressing when working from home is getting a little unfulfilling.. do I need more ie do I need time dressed up not working just being dressed up doing normal things like watching TV or whatever anything other than sat there dressed as a woman working..

The wife and kids are out for the next 3 hours and I suppose I could quell the urge and get dressed for an hour but 15-20 mins getting dressed an hour dressed would fly by then another 15-20 mins destroying all signs of makeup and crossdressing as my oldest daughter has quesried “whats up with your eyes dad why do they look so dark” oops panda eyes and mascara…

The wife doesnt want the kids to know Daddy (a superhero to the kids) dresses as a woman.

I was chatting to a t-girl friend the other evening as the wife was watching Crud TV and she told me she'd had a dressing session and took some photos and saved them to the PC only for her 22 year old daughter to find the pics and recognise her dad which led to a wife and daughter please explain..

I wont elaborate but it ended quite well for her.. younger people are more accepting and open minded after all..

Really have the Urge to dress up now as I catch up on watching sport on Sky+ and type this blog wondering if anyone will read all this crap… Wife are you still reading this crap even?

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

What do us men think of sec is it every 3-6 seconds? Well I seem to be constantly on heat and horney and the Urge to Crossdress actually exacerbates this as the process of getting changed from boring male me to Crossdressed me makes me quite the bit more horney and turned on seeing myself dressed and feeling myself dressed which after a while subsides and I relax.. then eventually get bored being dressed as dressing is usually as above working from home..

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

It's still the period of women wearing dresses and black tights and the sight of Emma wasserface with her legs out on Z Celeb Big Brother is enough to make me think pfwoor and the women with their legs out on BBC breakfast time plus out and about in general seeing women dress nice in our HQ centres in work in heels and black tights and dresses and even in supermarkets and occasionally even the wife (tho wish shed wear tights and heels and a dress more often) and I get the Urge to want to dress.

I guess I love women who make the effort and love legs encassed in black tights and high heels.. and love my own legs in stockings / tights and high heels…

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

I dressed Monday working from home which was nice, the first time in weeks and as mentioned so nice to get dressed up and made up etc .. Its not as enjoyable as it used to be working from home dressed maybe its because my job has got even more manic.

Yesterday an early start and a car journey of what should be 35-40 mins turned out to be an hour and a half :(

The meeting went on after 16:30 then took and hour and 20 mins to get home… It didn’t end there as I discovered today’s meeting location had changed from an hours drive away to two and a half hours away.. 5 hours of car journey plus 6 hour meeting and backlogs of things to do… Last week I was away Wed-Fri getting home late on the Friday evening .. so I worked at home from about 18:30 -22:30 to prep work to send to the meeting I was no way in hell travelling to.. I was knackered last night a 14 hour day all brain taxing which is underrated.. brain work can be just as knackering as manual work sometimes.. I snapped at the wife and kids which I regret .. bloody work winding me up I shouldn’t let it get to me but professionalism and pride … needs to make way for reality in that I have an impossible job which I cant possibly keep everyone happy and can only do so much and be in one place at one time… in a 35 hour paid week…. I'm covering 3 jobs.. this is how reorgs work make one willing man with pride cover 3 roles and it works as an engineer will find a way.

So offered my services over webex / phone conference and worked from home..

The phone rang and rang and rang .. working from home to avoid the disruption of being asked to help with things on and off my area of expertise in the office leads me to distraction and adds hours onto my week .. One heated phone call letting someone know I've worked my 35 hour week by Wednesday already with a long Friday, Monday and Tuesday and I thought sod this .. didn’t sleep last night due to work load and not letting it out of my head and work frustration I decided about 11:00 that I was dressing.. up the attic grabbed Davina, quick bath and shave and started putting makeup on phone rings.. not so easy doing ones make up whilst talking on the phone for 30 mins… so off the phone unhappy with the quality of my makeup sat down at my laptop and… the phone rang would I demonstrate something over webex “ok no problem” that was another hour gone.. wife came home for lunch and went back around 13:35 another hour and I'd have to change back to get the kids ..

Nice to be dressed the feeling is inexplicable and probably did calm me down considerably as if I hadn’t dressed I'd have been stressed more.. strange that.. but couldn’t enjoy being dressed up as was so hectic and I was back in male mode makeup removed by 14:10 a bit more work more phone calls and picked the kids up from school.. home more phone calls OMG this job is dragging me down.. but sadly I enjoy it but like anyone they could cut the job out of the organisation tomorrow not realising the commitment and specialism..

Need to find some unwinding time and need to get back out walking and jogging to help me unwind and feel more healthy…

Had a day working from home so as usual kids to school bath and get changed .. oh this time had to get my stuff from the attic as its all up there out the way to make room in my wardrobe.

I definitely need a try on session and get rid of some clothes.

Quick bath and shave and then dressed and did my makeup.. why do I enjoy putting on makeup and transforming myself.. The wig I washed and curled on the weekend came out well.

So got some work done on the laptop en fem and the wife text “ hows the wig looking” to which I replied “ good its curled nice no longer straight like me”

This is my perceived hot and cold in her acceptance with this text being positive.

She came home lunch time and I tried on a new wig which she said was nice but made me look different. I think the long blonde wig makes me look younger but the new strawberry blonde bob wigi think makes me look more my age.

Anyway she went back to work and wasn't long before I got changed back.. I get a lil bored working from hoe dressed after a while.. back to male me, stuff back up the attic and picked kids up from school from Dad to Davina and back to Dad. Its funny how relaxed I feel this evening after a day working from home Crossdressed.

Most companies now have diversity and inclusion training and I believe we need a bit of this training within the trans community and respect across the trans spectrum as we all have different feelings about Crossdressing and different reasons for Crossdressing.

Some of us have a choice whether to dress or not and some I've found state that they don't have a choice.

In the TV Chix forums Diversity and Inclusion needs to be discussed.

Each to their own and it's up to individuals how polite they want to be to others.. manners don't cost a penny and a harsh word can go a long way to affect people.

Diversity and Inclusion has no hierarchy where certain groups within the trans community shun other groups. Sad to say there are some people who won't comment in the TVChix forum as they're afraid airing their views or siding with someone will result in an attack from a group of trans people who seem to think they have all the answers and the worthness to look down on others.

A simple thing like using someones name instead of refering to someone as “The OP” goes a long way.

Those of you who have emailled me about this know what I mean.. and as i've told you sticks and stones dont't be afraid to add comments in the forums.

Those who do the down treading must have sad lives whether they realise it or not.. don't be jealous of us Crossdressers because we have more of a choice and please don't treat us like 3^rd class citizens of the trans community.. We respect those further to the right of the trans spectrum and there are many nice people but a limited few I like to call the “Tranny Police or the Tranny New World order” don't realise how much damage they do.

“Nothing to see here move along Crossdressers we don't want you getting any ideas beyond your station” that's how it is coming across to many.

Twist words and interpret something completely differently from the intended message or accuse people of having an agenda. So far off the mark.

Anyway that's my little rant out the way

Diversity

Diversity is any dimension that can be used to differentiate groups and people from one another.

It means “respect for” and “appreciation of differences” in ethnicity, “gender”, age, national origin, disability, sexual orientation, education, and religion.

But it’s more than this.

We all bring with us diverse perspectives, work experiences, life styles and cultures.

We know the power of diversity is unleashed when we respect and value differences.

There is diversity across the Trans spectrum from the occasional Crossdresser with many degrees of Crossdressing, through true Transvestism to Transexuals.. We should all respect one another in this regard within the Trans Spectrum.

Inclusion

Inclusion is a state of being valued, respected and supported.

It’s about focusing on the needs of every individual and ensuring the right conditions are in place for each person to achieve his or her full potential.

Inclusion should be reflected in all cultures, practices and relationships that are in place to support a diverse society.

In simple terms, diversity is the mix; inclusion is getting the mix to work well together which makes us as a group much stronger together.

Simple breakdown

In line with the theme on my wife distancing herself from my dressing, or that's how it feels.

I mentioned to her that friends of mine had gone to the Rocky horror show dressed up and had placed photos on social media and she said she could never do that.

It looks like they had fun.

I asked why she wouldn't dress up or go to the show? Was it she didn't want me dressed up in public? A non committal answer on this.

Her reason floors me more than me crossdressing and frustrates me.

She said she could never go out in stockings and suspenders and high heels.

All to do with self esteem and self image.

The frustrating element for me Rocky Horror aside is even with just me at home or for me at home once in a while she wont wear stockings and heels or nice tights and heels.

This is something I've added to the Forum in here to see if there are similarities to crossdressing and wives who wont dress up themselves.

I'm not a big fan of the Rocky Horror show and to be honest only loosely know what its all about, but it would be a feasible way of crossdressing in public more so than anything else.

I've blogged about it before here.. would I or wouldn't I go through with it.. well it seems a question not worth debating as my wife said she wouldn't want to go or dress up crossdressing or not.

I asked my wife about updating her part of the blog and replying to the messages on her guestbook.

This isn't a rant about her or an attack on her character, (Tho she may read it like that) just thoughts at the moment and questions in my mind about how my crossdressing and other issues are affecting her.

To be honest I cajoled her into adding her thoughts thinking it would help her to get her feelings about me crossdressing and whatever other problems are going through her mind even non crossdresing related thoughts down in print as it's all relative.

I thought in turn this would help other wives and girlfriends understand some perspective, familiarities and see some advice in what she had to write about.

Alas she's said she doesn't want to help anyone else and doesn't really care for the blog or about me crossdressing.

Hard to gauge her hot and cold approach to me dressing.

I know she would rather that I didn't dress up but its hard to accept one minute she seems OK with it indeed might text or say something positive encouraging my crossdressing or talking over the phone give me a confidence boost telling me I look good as a woman and that I could pass as a woman, then the flip side she can be very cold and dismissive about crossdressing if she realises it or not and seems eager to change the subject.

She will call it “the thing” or something other than what it is “Crossdressing” and I know this is her cold shoulder approach when I shouldn't carry on about dressing up as she doesn't seem in the mood.

I take it she's still scared people will discover I crossdress which is understandable but the risk is so low whilst I dress at home behind closed doors and curtains or dress up when away with work in my hotel room. The hand full of times per year..

I've opened up and told her about my crossdressing and she has this blog to read and see my mindset about dressing but isn't as forthcoming in letting me know her feelings and fears about me dressing up or other matters.. Maybe she doesn’t care and I'm thinking too much… Or maybe she's afraid to upset me but she knows as I've told her I don't feel the guilt for crossdressing any more.

I don't see it any more as I'm putting her through anything by being a crossdresser as she has nothing to do with it and doesn't seem to want anything to do with me crossdressing again or in talking about it or helping others come to terms with how its affected her / us.

This isn't just crossdressing it's other things also which may be troubling her which she won't let me in on which is worrying me.

I'm surprised about the not wanting to help part and disinterest in correspondence with other wives and girlfriends. Her way of coping with what she must see as a problem in me dressing up seems to have gone back to ignoring it or acting with disapproval again if she realises it or not.

She's said I don't know what you want me to say and I don't want to make her say anything or do anything she doesn't want to do with dressing and if she doesn't want to be involved and distanced from it so be it but I'm not hiding away from her again dressing is limited and very infrequent as it is and my job is not getting any easier.

What ever other problems and feelings she has about life in general no matter if she feels it may hurt my feelings or not or if it will have an effect on out “normal” relationship aside of crossdressing needs to come out in the wash as bottling things up is no good.

Communication!!

A surprise that we had a volunteer to baby sit and the kids wanted to stay out so night to ourselves so what to do?

First there was the matter of dropping off the kids and one of them changed their mind and wanted to come home then changed their mind wanted to stay and the matter of an FA Cup football match to watch on TV taking us to 19:15….

- We could have jumped on a bus into the next village and had a drink and probably a meal, but the weather was rubbish and we didn't feel like it. Both tired.

- We could have jumped on the train into the big city, had a drink and a spot of people watching and a meal. But, £15 before we start on train tickets and poor train times to and back from the big city put us off.

Typical we get baby sitters when we don't have anything on then when we need a baby sitter we struggle to get one…

- So we could stay in and watch Saturday night TV? Not likely as it's pretty rubbish..

- We could have had a nice meal and a drink at home.. Neither bothered to cook.. We do sound lazy don't we. Maybe its parenthood and being overworked.

- I could have suggested that I get dressed up and we have a “Girly night in” but I didn't sense in my Wifes mood that that would have been something she wanted to do. I have been thinking of a Girly night in as we haven't had one for so long and it would have been nice to just dress without the need to work on the lap top or worry about what time I had to get changed back etc.

I could have brought all my Crossdressing wardrobe down from the attic and had a sort out and a try on with the wife giving dresses and outfits the thumbs up or down and she may have claimed some back for herself.. Maybe next time if she likes the idea of this.

I certainly need a good clear out of “Davinas wardrobe”.. but no dressing… Planning on working from home in the week dressed which will be the 2^nd time in Jan.. Ops first time in February.

Another reason I didn't mention anything was when I was away with work last week she mentioned she was having a “Girly night” at home and I said “Without me?” and all she replied was 'HaHa' not making any more of my comment about us having a girly night.. Usually she would have text something positive or funny about our Girls nights in but not this time ...oh well.

- We had a simple meal and she drank wine I drank beer and we watched a few films.

Oh I did do something Crossdressing related as I asked my wife to help me re-curl my long blonde wig and thought also maybe she'd say “do you want to dress up?” but as she didn’t I took this as another sign she didn’t want me dressing last night… a few films then some much needed sleep…

Maybe next time.. The wig came out well I'll blog how we did it in the week.

Shut my mind off from work this weekend, well sort of as I've been thinking of workload in the week ahead and how I'm going to cram in everything I need to get done..

Tomorrow I'm working from home and part of me:

- Wants to shave and get dolled up for a few hours.

- Wants to get a project completed tomorrow without interruption.

- Wants to grow the beard back.

- Doesn’t enjoy working from home dressed so much due to the intensity of the work I'm doing at the moment as it's nice getting dressed in record time and being dressed but I've always got one eye on the clock when I know I'll need to start thinking of getting undressed and remove makeup ready to get the kids from school and end up undressing way too early.

Think the dressing from home working isn't as fulfilling as it used to be but it is nice to pick the kids up from school as opposed to asking my parents to pick them up buying me another hour or two dressed up..

Will I or won't I dress tomorrow… The Urge is here to transform but the practicality issues and time issues and work issues arrghhhhh..

So hard being a Crossdresser walking around Next, Peacocks, Primark, even Tesco and Asda George seeing things in sales like nice dresses, lingerie, hosiery, high heels and boots.

It would be nice to be able to buy what I want but I cant bring myself to purchase womens things for Davina as I have enough hand me downs which I need to sort out and reduce from the wifes cast offs.

Seen some really nice dresses from £5-£10 and in Peacocks some nice brown or black boots which were £15 and also some nice lingerie but I guess it all adds up and its unecessary spending.

Maybe next time we have a girls night in I will bring everything down and try it all on see if my wife will give a thumbs up or down and thin out my collection and she may claim one or two items back lol..

Maybe when I win the lottery I wont feel so bad about spending money on Davina.

So moving on from the dream it's monday, I have a shed full of work to do, the initial text about the email was real.. The wife took the kids to school I still had no intention of dressing but the blinds were shut and after an hour of disruptive phone calls from work I thought sod it lets call this dreams bluff, plus looking on the horizon a busy schedule in work so not much chance to dress.. Up the attic retrieve my transformation kit, quick shower and shave, makeup blah blah blah into the living room and on the work computer working dressed as a woman.

It was nice to get made up again concentrating on my eye makeup and lipstick and getting into sexy lingerie, stockings and high heels and a dress nice and relaxing and sexy but then I was working and quickly bored with being dressed whilst working from home so after about an hour was back in drab wiping off trace of makeup and sticking “Davina” back up the attic and resuming work on the laptop.

About an hour later and more phone calls from work and I wished I'd stayed dressed hey ho.. at least my sister in law didn't turn up..

Also must try to get some curl back into my wig maybe my wifes curling device may work or would it mess the wig up as its synthetic? Anyone know?

Sunday night and around 6 weeks since I last crossdressed with not a thought in my head about dressing up wondering if the urge will return any time soon.

The 3-4 weeks growth of beard needed controlling and my wife told me it was time to shave it off so razor out shave it off and a tinge of sadness as I felt I looked cooler with a beard.

I had worked from home the previous week and my wife had asked if I was dressing up to which I told her I'd look pretty silly all dressed up with this beard lol.

Anyway I'd planned working from home on Monday but thoughts more to the amount of work I have to catch up with than a chance to crossdress even with the beard now shaven off I fell asleep watching Sports till the early hours and thinking of the work task at hand the following day a restless night with work on my mind but I fell asleep at some point and then had another crossdressing related dream.

Oh another point my sister in law had messaged me the day before asking if I'd emailled her Saturday night which I hadn’t so assuming it was spam and changed my email password just in case..

Onto the dream its Sunday again and again a beep beep message on the phone the sister in law.. 'have you emailled me something?'…. 'no dont open it it may be spam'….. 'too late I have opened it and its a photo of a blonde woman only the photo looks rather like you dressed as a woman'… 'oh I replied weird that'….'yes' and it was left there… I think I woke up thinking that was frigging weird it was 03:30  then fell back asleep and it was monday quite vivid the wife took the kids to work, I jump in the shower shave all over and then in the bathroom is my makeup, dress, wig, lingerie, stockings and heels and I transform to “Davina” and enter the living room turn on the work laptop and start working on a spreadsheet.

Next thing “beep beep” message on my phone the sister in law 'I've been looking at that photo and I'm quite shocked as I'm certain its you dressed as a woman in fact positive'…' You will have to show me some time but its not me I can assure you' I returned.. “beep beep” new meassage from the sister in law 'well I'm stood outside your house looking through your front window and I can see you dressed as a woman'

I look left and ooops the blinds are not closed and are wide open and there she is a smile on her face looking straight at me… she comes to the front door and busted I go and open it and in she comes, stood there looking at me and says “Does my sister know about this”… “Yes” then I woke up 06:30 alarm going off.

How frigging weird as I've had similar dreams before with an arranged girls night in with the wife and she's brought in her friend, sister and boss.. Iterpretate that if you will

I saw a review on TV about the movie “The Danish Girl” which is a 2015 British made drama / film, based on the 2000 fictional novel by David Ebershoff, inspired by the lives of Danish painters Lili Elbe and Gerda Wegener.

The film stars Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe, who was one of the first known recipients of sex reassignment surgery and the beautiful Alicia Vikander as Gerda Wegener and even has James Bonds new Q Ben Whishaw as a key Character in the plot.

If you've not seen it stop here as this blog is full of spoilers.

Working from home I thought I'd put the film on my laptop and watch it in case my wife showed some interest in the movie as I wanted to check it out first to see how it would reflect on me as a Crossdresser and how it may get my wife thinking off on a tangent having watched the film.

Parts of the film show similarities to myself upto about half way but then it deviates out of my place on the perceived “Trans Spectrum” and onwards on the full trans journey..

The movie starts in the mid-1920s Copenhagen (Denmark), showing a successful married couple who are both artists showcasing art at a party with the male role taking note of the way women are dressed with one scene showing him walking through a location with lots of womens clothes on hangers running his hands through them as he walks along, which is something I bet we've all done thinking back to the feel of silky lingerie as I walked through M&S lingerie department with my mother and her telling me off for touching lack silky slips and nighties thinking waht you telling me off for I like the feel….

As the film progresses knowing the back story we can guess that Einar Wegener (Redmayne) is contemplating how it would feel to be dressed up but not daring to try.

Einar is a popular portrait artist who eventually becomes Lily, married to Gerda.

As the film progresses Gerda asks her husband, to stand in for a female model who was late to come to their flat to pose for a painting she's working on.

So we see Redmayne being told to put on stockings and heels and drape a dress over himself in a pose for Gerda to complete her painting and see how Einar is clearly getting a thrill from the situation and possibly turned on? The person in the painting is a friend of the Wegeners and turns up much to Einars embarrassment finding him posing with the dress and stockings etc and gives him a kiss saying he looks pretty and gives Einar the name “Lily”.

I think back to the time my wife first asked if she could dress me up as a woman which I initially declined.. I'll return to this in a bit.

The act of Einar posing as a female figure begins what turns out to be a lifelong identification on the part of Einar as a female, named Lili Elbe. Gerda thinks of it as a bit of fun at the start until it eventually grows more serious as Einar starts to crossdress behind his wifes back and forms the character of Lily in his own mind as a separate person maybe to Einar which sets off a progression, first tentative and then irreversible, of leaving behind the identity as Einar, which Lili has possibly struggled to maintain all her life battling with the pressure of society to be and act as a man when all along having the feeling of being female and probably back in the 1910-20's very confusing..

At one point Gerda is undressing with Einar watching her led in bed (Vikander has a very nice bum lol). Gerda has a new under garment on which Einar notices is new and comments on it asking her to keep it on as they made love.. probably loving the feel of the material against himself.. know that feeling as its so nice to see my wife in lingerie and feel it against me (although rare sadly).

The next day Gerda is on the bed and Einar sits on the edge of the bed with Gerda unbuttoning his shirt then discovering that under the male clothes Einar was wearing her undergarment with a look of shock turning to ok I can handle this probably thinking hmmm this may be fun standing him up puling off his trousers seeing him “crossdressed” for the first time they again make love this time him in the undergarments and her naked (I wish)… She is clearly troubled and cant sleep in the night and starts to draw her husband but alters the hair making the portrait of Einar female instead of male which the next morning Einar is thrilled to see.

She comments that she thought Einar would make a pretty woman.

My wifes made comment about how I look and has said I could possibly pass in public with some practise which is very complimentary and ego boosting to hear.

The next big step is another arts party which Einar finds boring but Gerda needs to get her art noticed and needs the networking afforded at the party having got nowhere with her paintings with the local gallery.

Einar doesn't want to go saying its boring so Gerda suggests he goes as someone else.. Lily..

So they set about creating Lily dresses, lingerie, heels, stockings, makeup and a wig with Gerda transforming Einar into Lily which Lily is thrilled with and it seemed at this point both were having great fun with crossdressing FUN being the operative word as Gerda had no idea of how deep Einars feelings were about being dressed / being a woman.

Going back to the note I made about my wife asking me to dress I eventually relented and said OK and she did my make up and dressed me up and I was thrilled with the result, thrilled to be dressed in front of her but my wife was less thrilled to see the transformation into what / who we now call “Davina”… (Just for the point of a name to describe me crossdressed and fancying Davina Mcall) especially when I told her I'd crossdressed before.. So I saw some parallels at this point in the story and in my wife dressing me..

However my wife doesn't want me out in public crossdressed but the story continues with lots of walking practice and posture practice Gerda transforms Einar into Lily and they attend the art party at which Einars peers and their friends attend … the first person they meet is the woman who Gerda was painting and she begins to introduce Einar as “Einars cousin...” to which the woman says ..”OMG its Lily .. how wonderful”.. This got me thinking 'I wonder how my wifes friends would react 'OMG its Davina'

Lilly and Gerda are amused by men 'eyeing up' Lily and Gerda is called by friends to come over which Einar doesn't want to do as he doesn't want them to discover hes there as Lily crossdressed so he's left alone and this is the awkward moment where men chat up Lily and then Q who is a friend of theirs who susses Lily is Einar takes Lily into another room and kisses him/her just as Gerda comes looking for her seeing them kiss.

This is the reason I watched the movie before my wife as this is where me and Lily part company as I have no interest in kissing men at all.

Gerda is disturbed obviously by this turn of events and Lily continues to see Q behind Gerdas back.

In this period of time Gerda paints portraits of Lily and wins a contract with the art dealer making her first sale of portraits of Lily who she says is Einars cousin.

Einars transformation into Lily is more often as Gerda returns home seeing less and less of her husband finding him as Lily and with a new identity as if Einar is no more.

The next time Lily meets Q they kiss and Q calls Einar by his male name which upsets Lily and she leaves and that night tells Gerda of the affair.. this sparks some guilt and visits to doctors who commit Einar to hospital performing radiation therapy to rid him of this “infliction” they eventually flee to Paris as a letter Gerda picks up from doctors label him mentally ill stating he needed to be kept in a hospital and institutionalized.
 

In Paris Gerda's portraits of Lili in her feminine state attract the kind of attention from art dealers that her previous portraits had not. It is there that Gerda tracks down art dealer Hans, a childhood friend of Einar (Hans had been a boy that Einar admitted that he had once kissed which was a one off happening).

Hans and Gerda's mutual attraction causes problems as she is struggling to cope with her changing relationship with Enar being more and more Lili.

Gerda asks Hans back to their apartment to meet Einar only to find Einar as Lily when they got home and also for the first time seeing Einar “as Lily” in character fully even disputing that Einar existed that she was Lily not Einar.. This upsets Gerda and Hans offers Gerda help in getting them through this unusual occurrence which lead him to play a supportive role for each.

This is another part I was nervous about my wife seeing as I too probably after her knowing I dressed, wanted to push dressing more and do it more often and wanted her involved but I'm happy being a man and returning from crossdressing back to being 'me' no thoughts ever and whatsoever of having a sex change.. I also don't see I have an infliction or mental imbalance, schizophrenic nature or anything else medically wrong with me.. I crossdress and that's that nothing scientific or medical just what it is.. like to transform, the feel of the clothes and ingerie, stockings, tights and high heels etc, escapism from male me temporarily, try to look convincing, find it relaxing, stress busting and a turn on nothing more.

More doctors visits culminating again in a Dr in Paris looking to commit Einar as a schizophrenic with Einar escaping the hospital .. we see him later walking through the park looking androgynous being approached by two men querying if he is a lesbian or a man or woman which leads to Lily punching one man and sees her getting beat up and left in the park.

Ultimately, via Hans Lili is introduced to a revolutionary Doctor who offers for her to undergoe one of the very first instances of male to female sex reassignment surgery in Germany.

A two-part procedure that first removes Lili's external genitalia and then, after a period of recovery, fashions a vagina.
 

They return to Copenhagen where Lily reunites with Q and Gerda knows the marriage is at an end as Lily tells her Einar is dead.

Lili's eagerness to shed the vestiges of her male anatomy leads her to rush the sequence of procedures, and she eventually dies of complications from the surgery in Gerdas arms in Germany.

The movie ends with Gerda and Hans back in Denmark; a scarf that Lili had given her, is taken by the wind. The end

I guess Einar / Lily was a pioneer and very brave in what seems primitive times less than 100 years ago having gender reassignment surgery looking for happiness as a woman even stating maybe she could have babies of her own which was a naive statement.

Far to the right of my place on the trans spectrum and having seen the film quite happy for my wife to watch it with me or on her own with the knowledge of the initial excitement and discovery of crossdressing is as far as I am and as far as I'll ever be “Fun” that's all it is for me nothing more serous although provides great stress relief so from the point onwards when Lily is first kissed is beyond where I'll ever be as a Crossdresser..

Critical response In general

The Danish Girl has received generally positive reviews from critics which is a good thing in terms of something positive relating to the trans world. The consensus reads "The Danish Girl serves as another showcase for Eddie Redmayne's talent – and poignantly explores thought-provoking themes with a beautifully filmed biopic drama"

HAPPY NEW YEAR readers and friends

Hope you've all made resolutions to stick to

Mine

- Lose 2 stone and get active and fit again

I know i can shed the pounds with a controlled diet and walking and running so by the summer will look and feel much better in myself and will fit into some clothes i've not worn for a while... and probably look better crossdressed as a byproduct

- Work less hours or rather as close to the hours I'm paid as possible.

Back in work a week and clocked up 45 hours 10 hours unpaid overtime but was away with work a few days in long meetings..

What resolutions do you have ? leave a message in the forum or in the guestbook.

Again HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

So yesterday I went through the nooks and crannies where the others who live with me aka wife and kids “shove” things and call it tidying up the amount of rubbish was astonishing and crisp packets and sweet wrappers under the setee and under the setee cushions.. I'm living with women!!

Then a tidy up of the kitchen and clothes washing and drying and popped out to get some paint for the kitchen to try to brighten it up and make it a little bit more modern for Christmas as cheap as possible…

All Christmas presents transferred from hiding places up the attic was hard work with a bad back then I thought as we have people staying with us and no chance to get dolled up I've packed Davina up and shoved her up the attic too so an end to Crossdressing until no doubt I go back to work after 3 weeks off and see what mess theyve made then get stressed out putting it right again..

I guess a lot of T-Girls are hiding their alter egos up the attic?

The house will be spick and span for Christmas with new rules laid down to keep it that way!!

Baby sitters booked and out with friends for a drink and somehow in the chat men wearing their wives lingerie was mentioned and people laugh including my wife and less so me as they go on to talk about it being a weird thing to do men wearing their wives lingerie.

It was only a brief mention in a wider discussion on sexuality as somehow vanilla people (a new term I've learnt recently as in run of the mill people who don't have any sort of kink as I'm going to go all out there and call Crossdressing a kink) are mainstream media led placing crossdressing with LGBT assuming it is sexuality driven which it isn't... not for all of us anyway.

I was sat there possibly not laughing about it as much as the rest as I was thinking:

a) Has my wife told her friend I crossdress and she's told her husband and he's bringing it up tongue in cheek.

b) I was also thinking what if I say what's wrong with crossdressing?

c) What if I said its fun to crossdress it can be a great stress reliever and a turn on too.

d) Also thinking my wife's getting another example of people ridiculing crossdressing I wonder if this will dent her acceptance of me dressing up seeing her friend and her husbands perspective.

If I had chosen to do C and said I crossdressed I know the result would have been heavier laughter with them saying as if you'd crossdress…

I don't know, what can we do to educate people it's harmless? It's just clothes and image and for some a form of escapism from the stressful lives we lead.

I've blogged about this before and will have to go back and find what I wrote last time but I do come across crossdressing in conversation more and more…

I'm sat here wondering what my wife made of it all last night.. will have to ask her later and maybe get her to blog about how it affects her hearing friends laugh about crossdressing...

In these liberal politically correct times we find ourselves in, any reference in a conversation amongst friends to crossdressing provokes laughter and mockery.

Crossdressers written off as part of an unsavoury group of weird sexual deviants.

Probably the simplest distinction that can be found in an society is male and female clothing and image noted as belonging to one sex or the other, but like most politically correct things or like racism or sexism it seems to be a one way street.

Let me examine first racism then sexism then homophobia..

Racism – If I say something about someone with dark skin or a certain religion I would be called a racist, but is it racist for someone to call me a white this or that? I couldn't care less if someone called me a white this or that but you call someone a black this or that and its racism? Has this all gone too far and do we all need to grow up “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me?”

Sexism – I can't say that a woman can't perform a certain type of job as I could get called a sexist as we see this myth that women are paid less than men (not in my experience) and also see criticism of certain organisations if there are seen to be insufficient numbers of women working there – Should it be best “person” for the job or do we need equal number of men and women.. what's the point in that? Inversely someone can say “Oh you cant do that job its a womans job”… hmmm?

Homophobia - If I say something derogatory about a gay guy or woman I'm homophobic and shunned by the politically correct brigade but if a gay person says something derogatory about me being a straight married man it's ok? (I couldn't care less again names will never hurt me).. I've been in a meeting where a woman has made it clear from the off that she was a lesbian and I wonder what would happen if I decided to introduce myself after her in a meeting round the table introductions “Hello I'm soinso and I'm a straight married man” or what If a load of straight people decided to design a straight person flag and walked in 100's down the city centre with banners and flags stating that we're all heterosexual… what would happen? Why doesn't it happen? It would be seen as homophobic but why?

So where am I going with this ah yes crossdressing.. Even in the crossdressing world Crossdressers are frowned upon by straight people, gay people, transexuals all seem to laugh and mock crossdressers.. The PC brigade don't seem to want to know Crossdressers and to defend us or to try to explain the different degrees of distaste and opprobrium which are attracted by those who choose to wear clothes and portray the image “belonging” to the opposite sex. (As deemed by society to belong to one sex or the other).

It is perfectly possible and acceptable for women in the UK to wear just about every item of traditional male dress without raising a single eyebrow. The situation is completely different for men who choose to wear female garments, makeup etc.

In an open multiculture in the UK which aspires tolerance towards race, colour, religion and sexuality, in which there is an openness about sexual debate, and much talk among feminists and others about the importance of breaking down notions of gender, why is it that male crossdressers attract so much hostility and ridicule?.. onto my next blog above Last night...