Further Further reply to the nice wif i'm corresponding with here.. see the guestbook / chat
Has your husband read our correspondence ?
I've just scrolled back up this is the logest yet I think.. I hope people are reading this rubbish lol.
You say he's shocking at expressing himself but we do go through bouts of denial and guilt and shame for crossdressing from time to time and he's probably afraid of upsetting you by opening up and talking about it he may also feel embarrassed (more likely).
So glad you're finding this correspondence therapeutic.. it works for me too gets it off your chest and if someone is listening and writes back its always nice as who else can we talk to about crossdressing.
Sometimes its hard to talk to your other half but easy to talk to someone else knowing your other half can read this and can say yes I agree with that and that’s how I feel or no that doesn’t apply to me.
You can ask any questions bugging you to gauge an opinion which you may then want to as your other half already having one perspective.
I'm so glad you took my ramblings about women stoping making an effort the right way and opened up the big secret lol “Women don't dress as men wish”
This maybe part of the reason some men crossdress as mentioned previously why I dressed when younger and still do to a small extent. There are many reasons why we crossdress broken into a pie chart as I've blogged about before.
Also glad to see you've typed that women do dress better when they're single, I can see why as you snag a man then you feel content? Mission accomplished? Kick off the heels….
Dressing I supposed is in some type of conflict in my life as I don't want to be a woman and wouldn't want to dress full time but it feels nice to dress.
I worked from home 3 days this week but didn't dress and didn't get the urge to dress even despite quite a stressful working week as my wife will contest telling me to calm down ranting about work.
Today especially I've had a good rant in work and had people not listen to something a few weeks / months down the line I will say “I told you so” and will also have to work out how to solve the problem… My stress level is high at the moment but I'm feeling anger with it which is unhealthy so crossdressing if I could would be an outlet but its not available to me so I have to find other ways to try to calm down which I find hard to do.
So dressing does cause some form of conflict in my life but its lessened with my wifes acceptance and when she says “Don't worry about it you crossdress so why worry about it.. it's fine”.
There's also conflict due to my conditioning ie conditioned to be a strong willed Alpha male man leader, provider, husband and Dad.. my kids think I'm Batman let alone a crossdresser
So I guess my mind is in a constant struggle sometimes wanting to be Batman but also enjoying the escape Crossdressing gives me from stress.
I suppose in my younger years I substituted dressing for not having a girlfriend “becoming the woman” myself and again maybe this is still a fraction of why I still crossdress in my overall pie chart of why I dress.
I'm not as shy as I used to be. My wife always comments on how confident I am and sometimes calls me a big head lol but I'm good at what I do in work sport and in life yeah I'm a big head but with that success and image comes the stress.
Early dressing was definitely a coping mechanism for all the early attraction to women and became an outlet…
The initial crossdressing starting small blossoms with curiosity as at first lingerie, then stockings and heels then how would a dress feel, then what about makeup could I look convincing oh and a wig and wow I look like a woman.. that turns into the norm and now if I cant dress fully with makeup and a wig and look convincing, if I don’t have time then I don’t dress up at all.
This doesn’t really then lead to an identity but an identity is a requirement for reference.. I don’t think of myself as Davina but for email and joining a website and anonymity and a name to refer to with my wife I chose Davina but you’re right my wardrobe has grown.. My wife keeps having a sort out and throwing dresses out and I pick them up and say “Mine”.
What I'd like to do the next chance for a girls night in is bring all my dresses down and get made up and try them all on gain my wifes opinion of what looks nice and what doesn't and sort out what’s a keeper and what can go off to charity to thin down the number of dresses as I think I have more dresses than my wife currently.
Why does it progress, do I think? Well its curiosity and there are steps and stages and some crossdressers stay at the trying on lingerie stage but its a curiosity thing where you eventually think I wonder if I could look like a woman.. or that’s how it felt for me and when you hit this stage and think wow I can look like a woman then you've hit a crossroad stage where as I mentioned it feels nice and is enjoyable trying to look convincing and you hit this wall of this is what I enjoy and won't just part dress again.. obviously some will go further and want to dress full time, want to go out dressed and some go the full hog.. I'm happy being a crossdresser enjoying the ability to be the Alpha male and to have the feminine escapism..
It may be a man thing going to the extreme and wanting to see if you can look convincing and passable and pushing the boundaries maybe.. there is also a competitive side to it amongst crossdressers hence having photos on our profiles on tv websites and enjoying people saying “hey you look great”.. back to the vanity of it all.
Where do I see myself going with this? I think I'm where I want to be with my wife ok with me dressing, being told I can look convincing as a woman, feeling relaxed, nice and sexy when dressed, having crossdressing as harmless escapism, being able to work from home and dress up or pack “Davina” in my case when away with work and dress in my hotel room..
I guess as my kids get older and have more freedom crossdressing will have to be hidden more again.. my oldest has asked why my eyes are dark a few times and I’ve passed it off as I’m tired but it's really a rubbish job of removing eyeliner, eye shadow or mascara. Lol.
Is this my end point? Yes
There is a small part of me that thinks I wonder how it would feel to be outside as Davina and I have been in the garden in the dark of winter dressed where no one can see me and I once put the bins out dressed lol (wife called me an idiot for doing that) but I chat to some crossdressers who have said its something else to go out dressed..
I've mentioned this to my wife and she thinks that idea is mad and as she doesn’t like the idea and its only a small thought and it probably will never happen and I'll remain a behind closed doors and curtains crossdresser.
The question of “why don't women take more advantage of the outfits available etc?” baffles us crossdressers as much as wives and girlfriends are baffled as to why we crossdress.
I also think when women get married they change their view of themselves to married women and this has some mild form of psychological change then when they have children they become mothers and that has an even bigger effect which is hard to explain.
It may be how were brought up, women from a young age are brought up with the ideals of getting married having kids … then what? Some women have a mid life crisis because of this and all of a sudden wonder what happened to their life? And some grin and bear it but it is the same crossroad crossdressers get to but its not lingerie – dressed – make up – wigs its married – got kids and now I'm content and it affects image and what women wear.. I'm sure of that.
Are you avoiding male attention? Here's the thing.. Some men if they catch another man looking at their wife will want to rip his head off.. If I clock a guy checking out my wife I fell like yeah man keep looking she’s all mine.
I don’t worry if she’s all made up and dressed sexy and goes out without me as I expect men do look at her and she’s a nice person so if someone talks to her they will also think mmm she looks nice and is nice but we trust eachother.
I go out occasionally without her (but prefer going out as couples) and I'll try to look my best as a bloke as I would if I were out with my wife or on my own and I get women talk to me and it's flattering but I'm also more confident talking to women as I'm not looking to pull a woman as I'm married. You could call me cocky as I know I can chat and make funny quips and remarks but I'm not looking to pull someone but good to know I could it I wanted lol.
It's funny you're shy and dot know what to say to women then find a girlfriend and 3 women come along at once and you suddenly have the gift of the gab and some confidence.. well that’s what happened to me anyway in a short period of time then I met my girlfriend who became my wife.
Anyway I've drifted where were we...
Shock horror Women don't get any of the pleasure wearing sexy things like crossdressers do but that may be because you can choose to wear what you like and if you weren’t allowed to dress sexy then maybe you would be in the same boat as us crossdressers?
“Lingerie, even pretty lingerie, is very uncomfortable after a while”… what are you mad? Lol It feels great wearing nice matching lingerie. Ok here’s a question knowing how much us crossdressers love sexy lingerie, “why wont women wear something for their husband knowing how much it turns him on?” Is it asking much to have your wife once in a blue moon dress up?
Now you've hit a nerve “stockings and heels” OMG I don't know why but tights, stockings and heels OMG OMG OMG really does something for me and again is it asking much knowing how OMG OMG OMG it makes your husband feel if / when you do wear them that you could wear them for us again every now and then .. do you even realise the power you have over us simply by wearing stockings and high heels and how much of a tease it is if you then deny us coming anywhere near you.. oo err that’s all a bit BDSM but nice.
Women must be more sensitive to discomfort but by the same token we'd do anything for you no matter how uncomfortable we feel.. put it this way I'd wear stockings and heels if my wife asked me to lol…
It's refreshing to read to read you type that it's a valid male feeling that women don't put in the effort much any more. Women dress for comfort… yep I get this so do we in tracksuit bottoms or shorts and tshirts but it would be nice every now and again to dress for us? Pleeeasseee lol.
I'm sure you're right that perhaps women never wanted the pretty things in the first place (or grew out of them with marriage and becoming a mother etc) but you did wear sexy clothes to attract us because you know men like it… but then you stop and for us it's like huh? What happened then? You stop wearing stockings and heels and we check to see if you've lost them lol and then we think she's still got them OMG I've been duped she’s got them but just stopped wearing them.. deliberately!!.. I'll ask her to wear them again and our wives will say I don’t want to its uncomfortable you should love me without me wearing those things and we say um of course I love you and you say well there you go then.. then we become crossdressers lol as we try on the things we wish you'd wear for us so it's all your fault,, tut tut make us crossdressers then call us weirdos when its you who are weird all along not wanting to dress sexy and please your husband well well well we've solved it lol.
“Once we've got the man, we don't need it any more. Hmmm...makes sense” OMG you've admitted the great deception lol lure a poor fella with your sexy legs and heels then eat him like a preying mantis well well well lol… We knew it all along and knew we should have had stockings and heels put into the pre nups when we married you lol
It does kinda explain why women think we're gay. You used to dress to attract men and we dress like you used to lol (like women) when they're trying to attract men, ergo crossdressers are trying to attract men.
That's the thought process. And its flawed very flawed… The other slant is women are becoming more masculine and we're exploring our feminine side or we dress to emulate women as its women we fancy (Not men ewwww) and we're back to the substitution dressing because our other halves have stopped dressing sexy … part of the pie chart.
Crossdressers and women are different we don’t get why you don’t make the effort and you don’t get why we dress up making that effort.
Something next I have considered.. Do I see myself still dressing when I'm old and grey?
This for me is easy to answer and the answer is NO… shock horror.
I think if I look at myself in the mirror one day and think you look awful that may be the end and if I can no longer look the part or look convincing I truly think I will stop crossdressing.
Yay says my wife..
So this means part of the reason I dress is because I like how I feel when dressed up but more important I like how I look and once I don’t like how I look I'll probably stop.
The repetitiveness can get boring but for me being dressed at home working from home or if we manage a girls night in this has been broken up for me by being away from work in a hotel and dressing as it did get a bit mundane dressing working from home a bit boring like ground hog day.
I'd see the kids off to school get dressed then start work then the wife would pop home for dinner at 13:00 and see me dressed then she'd go back to work 13:30 and not long after I'd get changed back to boring male me to go and pick the kids up.
My crossdressing isn't an every week thing it's probably once maybe twice per month and for a few hours.. mainly when working from home ... I do sometimes wonder how it would feel to spend a whole day crossdressed or a weekend crossdressed just to see how it would make me feel but to be honest I'd probably get bored but maybe it would be a good experiment… I doubt id get the opportunity and can't even think how I'd get time to dress a whole weekend or a whole day.
I do think about how others would feel as all crossdressers do fretting over upsetting our wives and girlfriends wanting to talk about it and to offer some form of reassurance that it's still me / us nothings changed I just crossdress please don’t worry about it its doing no harm whilst the wife is thinking omg he’s a freak hat have I married a bloomin pervert… which is why we feel guilt and shame and want to reassure you etc..
Not sure what I'd feel if others knew I crossdressed which is something my wife worries about but I really wouldn’t give a stuff and would probably find it easier to explain to someone who found out I dressed than it would my wife as if they decide they think I'm a weirdo or a pervert so what they can leave and have nothing to do with us if they cant accept it but we love our wives and girlfriends and don’t want to lose them.
Not sure if my wife will be bored with my crossdressing as I think she's just accepted its something I do but as above I think it will stop when I cant look convincing.
Enjoying our correspondence please keep it going you'll soon be an expert into the insight of a crossdressers thinking .. well my thinking anyway.
And great news for Alpha Male me my football team won tonight and what a game it was!!!!!