Further reply to the Wife who posed the initial questions in the guestbook / chat

You're definitely not being annoying as the comments show people are showing interest in our correspondence and I understand you being perplexed so really happy if this discussion is helping.

There is a lot of treading on egg shells on the topic of Crossdressing and hard sometimes to not sound sexist and it's nice when it can be discussed still delicately treading on the eggshells but occasionally smashing a few but understanding its not intentional ie no insults meant.

Your husband and I do sound familiar as I'm sure my wife will confirm I'm very stubborn and strong willed and have a mind of my own (I don't follow trends or what the media wants us to think) I can make my own mind up about the little things and things going on around the world far more meaningful than crossdressing worries which puts a lot of this into perspective.. what is crossdressing in the grand scheme of everything (pretty insignificant).

My wife called me an “idiot” as predicted for being on Skype chatting to someone but more so as someone could see me crossdressed as she is a little paranoid someone will recognise me, she wasn't worried I was chatting to someone just that they saw me as “Davina”.

She knows I chat to other crossdressers and wives and girlfrends of crossdressers on TV Chix as I've placed on the blog. Shes chatted to a few herself but that's a rare thing usually if I chat to a wife and they ask if she will chat with them sometimes she will but doesn't really like to.

I get the weird 3some element (Wife / Husband / Alter Ego) me my wife and Davina and the same for you your husband and his alter ego.

I'm sure your husband like me has fantasies about the alter ego and our wives getting it on so to speak which I know my wife will never do and guessing you're the same.

What would be the point of crossdressing if it were in comfy jeans, tee shirt that sounds like “man wear” we can do this anytime. I have tried that though makeup minimal jeans and a top to see how casual Davina looks but had to round it off with 5 inch heels as flats are just bleughhhhh.

It is all long hair, nails, foundation, eye liner. Eye shadow, mascara, blusher, lipstick, nice matching lingerie, stockings and high heels oh and a nice dress...which may not be a true representation of women today and we don't expect “Stepford wives” but and this is hard to put without sounding insulting … women seem to make less effort to “always” look their best which us “thick men” don't understand.

I know some women who wouldn't leave the house without makeup on and have heard other women natter bitchily oh look here she comes all made up and I'm thinking what's wrong with that? She's making an effort to always look her best and have seen women who are usually all made up say OMG don't look at me I'm not wearing my makeup – I guess for some its a mask to hide behind or some women genuinely want to look their best (and have time to do it ...I know)  the uber opposite of our Alpha Male mask unshaven brash and arrogant yet behind it we have feelings and emotions which we hide from everyone.

I think as a man if I was a woman I'd always want to look my best as… I always try to look my best as a man.. even if I pop to Tescos to pick up groceries. You'll tell me its not that easy?

The thing us crossdressers know is it doesn't take much time or effort to put on a face and transform so we don't get why women wouldn't want to do this. But I will bear in mind we've had to become very proficient of getting made up and dressed quickly when chances permit.. why does it take a woman an hour to get dolled up when we have it down to 10 mins lol.

Crossdressers side more with the image of the women who make the day to day makeup and heels effort (why would we just dress in jeans and a tshirt) and you may notice us glancing over at a woman when out and about if she has made this effort.. this is where women get it wrong we're not thinking pfwwooorr we're thinking 'wow she looks nice I love how she did her makeup and wow love those heels' but we're not Gok Wann so we cant just out and say it no matter how much that low dress is showing off her “bangers” (how does Gok get away with that I mean bangers come on who calls them that!)

If we're honest we'd probably like our wives and girlfriends to sometimes to always look Stepford wives for us to an extent we dress how we do as wives and girlfriends don't so much anymore for us.
 
This can without you realising as we don't show it lead us to feel unwanted and unimportant affecting our self esteem and making us sometimes feel our wives make little effort for us but will make more effort for others.. eg the girls night our … long hair, lippy n heels etc  leaving us indoors looking after the kids.

When we dress we dress to try to look as convincing as possible and as Feminine as possible to escape as far away from alpha male man as we can.

I try to dress casual, don't overdo makeup (Wife says I do it well) but like to look casually sexy too if that makes sense. Or what I see as sexy and we do seem to have a thing for hosiery and heels.

So you're right when your husband and I say we're dressing as women and you say, “You're dressing as men THINK women are, or, as men WISH women were” (With “were” being an apt word instead of “Are”) you are correct...

There may be something in there also where we wish you would make that effort more often (that doesn't sound right maybe effort is the wrong word but I hope you get the jist).. our logic being when we dress we feel different (nice even) so we don't get why you don't dress up more often to feel the same way about yourselves.. we are thinking about you as much as our visual minds honest. 

ie Don't tell me you didn't make more effort and dress more fem, makeup and heels and long hair  when you were dating but now you only rarely dress up to impress?

Or you probably would dress to impress others if you went out without your husband but a date with your husband and you turn up in jeans and tshirt..? and how does that make us men feel…

We don't get this as much as you don't get our crossdressing and it feels like a kick in the teeth for us as if we're less important but we never know how to tell you this as you would take it as an insult if we said “is that what you're wearing?” or “couldn't you wear a nice dress and heels and some lipstick”… ouch that's a guaranteed cold shoulder all night so we keep schtum about it and just feel like were unimportant and we give a slight cold shoulder and you sit there wondering why you married this moody git.

The Were and are – Things have changed and women seem to want to be more masculine especially in the work place I find, but born also is the ladette which we see out and about behaving like men which scares me.. OMG women are turning into men!! f'ing and blinding and downing pints..

So we like to dress as women “were” not “are” is a good statement to make and possibly sums up a portion of why some men crossdress.. they miss their other half dressing nice, putting on makeup and its a bit of a kick in the teeth as we don't see it as asking much for our other halves to try to look their best for us..as we try to look our best for them.

I don't feel when I'm in Davina mode that I am dressing as me as me is a bloke in jeans and a tshirt, shirt, rugby jersey etc .. I'm dressing as a woman as good as I can look as a woman yes nails lippy and heels so ergo as how I like a woman to dress but I don't dress to insult women as my wife will tell you I dress to look nice as a woman (I hope as all my dresses used to be her dresses lol).

We didn't pen ourselves not modern we anyway, uptight society put us here and separated men from women in class let alone in dress.

Things have changed in sexism and lots of other isms but crossdressing is still shunned and ridiculed so harsh to say we penned ourselves in as “WE” didn't our ancestors did.

Crossdressing isn't just a UK thing it happens all over the world across all cultures and in some its accepted so its hard to pin down exactly why us men feel the urge to do it.

I agree if more men would stand up and break free we would gain female support eg if Beckham came out as a Crossdresser I'm sure it would become cool.. He was rumoured to wear Posh's knickers. But then again I've heard loads of times women saying crossdressing is fine as long as their husbands don't do it.

If we had the option to dress how we liked and it wasn't seen as weird (Crossdressers Eutopia) Crossdressing wouldn't exist.. I suppose we would then dress how we felt when we got out of bed that morning (oh how nice that would be) or appropriately as to what task faced us on the day.. much the same as women have the option to do.

Out to the Rugby Jeans and a rugby jersey (women can do this), on site with work PPE (women can do this too), going for a job interview short skirt and high heels lippy etc (women can do this men would be escorted from the building). Women already have all options open “stamping feet” and its not fair.

What drove me to initially start dressing?

I was about 4, 5 maybe 6 I always loved the feel of silky slips and nylon and lace and how it looked and I would touch it as we walked through the lingerie section of Marks and Spencers or I'd wrap myself up in some lacy silk dressing gown of my mothers on my parents bed and go to sleep which led to trying on tights and loving the feel.. after all batman wore tights and so did Superman this went on for a few years and I don't think I even hid it running round the house in tights a t-shirt and a cape 4,5 6 years old I didn't hide that I was wearing tights as I said I was batman and he wore black tights and superman wore blue ones but I do remember liking the feel of wearing tights.

As I got a little older probably 10 / 11 and in school we talked more about girls we fancied (also female teachers and other grown up women we fancied) and then the Marshal ward catalogue lingerie section came into play more attraction to women (hormones / puberty / Masturbation) the lingerie section of catalogues was a prime source of reference, women (models) in bra, knickers, suspenders, stockings high heels which led to (and this sound bad) curiosity “did my mother have this sort of stuff” then finding she did have Marshall wards matching lingerie, stockings suspenders and high heels was hooked on dressing up when home alone as an 11 year old through part of my teens albeit now more aware of this is something I needed to hide I'm not dressing up as Batman or Superman any more I'm in stockings, high heels, bra and knickers or basques etc and its a massive turn on) I'm now dressing as a woman or in womens cloting.

I was shy as a kid had one or two childish relationships with girls nothing serious just she's my girlfriend type of stuff and some kissing lol but I was still shy.. Girls would ask me out I was too shy to ask them out.

As a teenager I had crushes on a few girls (and teachers) and my crossdressing continued throughout my teens mainly in lingerie sometimes I'd try on a dress to see how it would feel but thoughts were always on the girls I fancied and teachers or other women in my life I fancied, dressing up was some form of compromise.

Back then I didn't wear makeup or try to look convincing it was just nice to feel myself in the lingerie that attracted me (you have to admit it does feel nice wearing nice lingerie).

Boys / Men are more sensitive physically and visually but we also tend not to show emotion and bottle up our thoughts in a way we're brought up this way.

“This might seem a generalization but I don't think so. Too many mothers notice the same. There's almost a mismatch between how we raise boys and how boys are. When did we decide to keep all the interesting, pretty, sexy things for ourselves? Or did men decide they liked seeing these things on women and consequently lost them for themselves?”

This is a key statement as Boys are brought up to be men to be masculine and strong.. we don't bring daughters up this way.. we buy boys footballs (lol I bought my girls footballs) soldiers, tanks, robots and space ships we tend to by girls my little pony, barbie dolls etc (I hate it when people buy my daughters ironing boards and kitchens etc… stereotypical things they ingrain as an Iron belongs to women etc as my daughter exclaimed when I left the iron on “well its your Iron Mum!” as if she should check its switched off)  …

I think it's later men see the interesting, pretty, sexy things and maybe don't want them for themselves but then see women not take advantage of the pretty sexy items of clothing, makeup etc and curiosity leads us to try them for ourselves and then a revelation of wow this feels nice, we have to hide it as society deems it weird and wrong but a) Why don't women dress in this stuff all the time or even some of the time and b) it felt nice the first time lets do it again c) I wonder if I could look passable as a woman? d) hooked you're a crossdresser.

Going back to my early years and look what I wrote .. Id dress up and when dressed up I was thinking of the women I fancied whilst dressed in womens lingrie as a teenager etc … Now where in this do I think of men? The simple answer is I don't and didn't yet what do women think when they find out a man crossdresses “He's Gay!”

No time during my pre teens, teens, 20's or 30s did I think or relate anything to do with my crossdressing to men yet somehow the stigma maybe via drag queens lends people to link crossdressing with a) sexuality and b) homosexuality and for crossdressers who are married, straight this is the “AAARRGGgghhhh“ moment as here we are dressed as “women” (as we would like to see them) thinking of women and we confess we crossdress and are asked “does that mean you are gay?” “ahh um what where did that come from? ARRghhhh NOOO!”

I've gone off on a tangent too… don't get me started on LGBT! (If I had my way to rewrite history I'd remove the T as it isn't a sexuality and further to this those who are firmly in the T bracket shun us mere crossdressers even more so married straight crossdressers we're the bottom of the food chain almost in the T world)

Glad you state that writing here is almost therapeutic as I have found it therapeutic and that's why I added my wifes blog as an option for her to write her thoughts which she's done although I don't think she finds it therapeutic (maybe reading this she may give writing another go but I think her mind is settled on my dressing so she doesn't need the therapy of typing all this) and I'm glad you are writing here as I'd like this to be seen as an open forum for discussion for anyone.

Hope I'm making sense thus far..

You may be right “The wand chooses the Wizard Harry” and maybe Crossdressing chose us some deep seated conscious decision years ago liking the feel of silky things and that first curiosity to try something on “belonging to women”… which led to a life of crossdressing for a kick and latter-day for relaxation and escapism… more manly put as escape and evade from stress.

It doesn't have to be so hard on a marriage as communication is the key and keeping calm, calculated and honest and open .. Its not a bad “fetish” for want of a better description.. there are worse things your husband could be into like … watching motor racing.. what a waste of time cars going round a track.

I'm glad you mention “so testing of your sexuality” as I've told my wife I'd love to “Fool around with her” when I'm Crossdressed and would love her dressed similar, as to me that would feel great but to her I look like a woman and even though I'm quite clearly a man it would seem visually wrong for her to be with me looking like a woman and make her feel wrong .. She's told me she's “not a lesbian and I look too convincing for her to do anything” (which is the first compliment) and I did offer to look less convincing and she called me a “smart arse”.. another compliment a double one lol.

Exactly right Crossdressing is a biological screw up for wives and girlfriends (most) because it does literally turn off the women you're attracted to. I've given up on trying to seduce my wife as “Davina” though I do sometimes tease her.

Keep this going its good to discuss, maybe my wife will chip in and others too.

What I'm typing in reply however may not fit the bill for your husband he may have different thoughts as we all dress for different reasons and have different start points and different degrees of dressing .. Its akin to freemasonry where the 33rd degree is the TS and the ones at the bottom are mere crossdressers who will remain crossdressers and nothing more not even if we had the choice to go further.. I never want to live full time as a woman or go any further, happy to know I can occasionally dress up look ok doing it relax then return to Alpha Man.

Hope you had a good weekend and look forward to further correspondence..